Pretty On The Outside

Things I've seen at the gym. Hairy horror!

I've been working out with a friend for the last two years and we have a very set schedule or I should say had.  Due to a recent work conflict he's bailed on one of our days which has freed me up to go solo whenever I can.  Good and bad.  When it's us working out, I typically have tunnel vision and am focused on what we're doing and our conversation.  Solo however it's easier to take survey of my fellow gym attendees.  Picture it--- I'm standing in front of a packed wall of mirrors doing arm curls (yawn) when from the corner of my eye I spy a motionless 5' figure straight outta a horror film looking like The Grudge meets Cousin It complete with a maniacal grim standing a few feet behind me. 

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!  I don't know how long he'd been there but I came close to screaming.  I almost spun around like an Olympic shot putter and hurled my 75lbs 50lbs 25lbs weights at him.  It was truly bizarre that in amongst a beehive of activity was this tiny fellow with a crazy grin standing frozen facing the mirror.  After my panic passed I took inventory of this odd little fella: long hair almost completely covering his face, huge shoulders which were tensed up by his ears, multi-layered t-shirts in a color scheme selected by Freddy Krueger, striped socks, and a vibe which read "lone gunman".  Call it fear of being shot.... call it fear of catching his crazy..... call it a great excuse to cut my workout short...... I quickly fled and checked the local news that night to see if anything had gone down at my gym.  Fortunately nothing.  Oh my goodness....... so many things I've seen at gym........ so many more stories coming soon. 

Previous entries to this category can be seen here.

Things I've seen at the gym. Quite possibly the worst tattoo ever.

I haven't updated this category in an eternity......  Taking a peak at my blog, I was a bit troubled at the abundance of Real Housewives postings and lack of other content so I just whipped up this little illustration depicting something I saw in the locker room at my gym yesterday.  I'm alllllllll about spotting the unusual.... and boy oh boy did I get a people-watching gift.  Had just finished with my workout and headed into the maze-like locker room to wash the gym-grime off my hands.  I turned a corner and a 40 something dude wearing just a pair of tidy whities was only a few feet away traveling in my direction and something crazy caught my eye.

Things I've seen at the gym: Who and what the hell are you wearing?

It's been an eternity since I've updated this category which is not reflective of my gym attendance of late.  I've actually been very good ever since switching health clubs back in January '09 and ran into a friend on my first visit.  He and his girlfriend were there, we chatted a bit, and he asked, "Dude, my girlfriend thinks I'm getting fat.  Can we be workout partners?"  I high-fived his girlfriend, fist-bumped my buddy to seal the deal, and the last 15 months he and I have been going three to four times a week together.  My recommendation to anyone who hates going to the gym is find someone to workout with.  It's made all the difference to both of us.  Today was our chest workout and as I quietly recited I must, I must improve my bust.  The bigger the better the tighter the sweater, I caught a glimpse of this guy and all else faded away.

Things I've Seen At The Gym: Fun Hair Guy

I don't own the omni present self help book The Secret, but I've heard so much about it that I feel like I've got a handle on its concept.  Picture what you want- and you'll get it.  That's the point, right?  Well, I've been using that principle of visualizing a great body as my work out routine instead of actually going to the gym.  I've imagined myself with a high- tight ass, a flat- ripped stomach, a large- well defined chest, and no lower back fat.  Guess what--- it didn't work.  Thanks for nothing The Secret!  After taking a long brutal look in the mirror, I decided I had to go back to the gym.  Barf.
The good part about going to the gym is definitely the people watching.  What I've been noticing is a pack of young guys who have exceptionally fun hair.  Like this guy....

From what I've observed, he's the leader of the pack.  There's about six of them who always work out together.  This guy assumed the role as the leader (in my mind at least) when he activated that hair style utilizing a flat iron and multiple cans of hairspray.  Where the other guys have flirty- flippy- fancy Zac Efron-ish hairstyles, the above guy has a mesmerizing, gravity defying upright doo.  The fun haired herd are constantly checking, adjusting, and touching their hair in the myriad of mirrors around the workout room.   Walking by them, all you can hear is a constant stream of "dude" this and "bro" that.  When I see them at the gym, I know it will be fantastic people watching. 
Now that I'm back at the gym, expect to see more drawings.

If you'd like to see previous Things I've Seen At The Gym drawings, please have a look here.

Ink on paper with digital color.    

If you enjoy looking at my drawings online, the next step would be having one or two or three in your home.  Interested?  Click on over to my etsy shop and take a gander.  And your credit card.  :)  Much appreciated!

Things I've Seen At The Gym: Two-Toned Man

It has been forever since I've updated this "Things I've Seen At The Gym" category which is unfortunately reflective of my long absence from the gym.  I took a long honest look in the mirror the other day and after wondering where my muscle had gone, I slipped into a not so form fitting outfit and headed off to my damn health club.  Ugh. 
My gym is three floors of pure, undiluted torture.  Entering on the ground floor, either you take a scary elevator ride up to the weight rooms on the second and third floors, or you can opt for the stairs up by passing through the locker room.  Now, I will say I have seen some life changing things in locker rooms over the years.  I saw what can only be described as Adam from the Garden of Eden in the World Gym locker room in New York.  He was part Tom Brady, part Hugh Jackman, part Eric Bana, part blessing from God.  I really wanted to ask his mailing address as I'd like to send him a Christmas card every year.  Oh.... fond memories......
Back to my gym's locker room.  It's a long rectangular shaped room and right in the middle is one of those doctor's office scales.  It is awkwardly located dead center in the room at the narrowest point.  When you're on it, it's as though you're on a stage. I've observed that guys are typically undressed when weighing themselves.

Entering the locker room the other day, the first thing I saw was the gentleman above.  Not sure his ethnic background?  I'd say he was mid forties with very pale olive skin and a penis the color of Wesley Snipes.  I'm just assuming Wesley has a chocolate brown wiener.  (You can send me pix if you like Wesley.)  The man was naked except for a pair of glasses, which I find to be a funny look.  It was a lot to take in: a pale skinned man with a black penis.  And it was really, really big.  I'm certainly not saying that there's anything wrong with him at all.  As a matter of fact, I find it rather fascinating.  Anyone else familiar with this combo?  I've love to hear your experiences.
Perhaps I can be given some sort of grant to study this?  I'm willing to do some exhaustive research.
There is of course an NSFW version here.  Warning though, you may get turned on.
You can see previous Things I've Seen At The Gym postings here and here.

Ink on paper with digital color and a big laugh or two.   

Things I've Seen At The Gym: Former Showgirl?

This is the second installment of this category. I have been fascinated with this woman who goes to my gym for years. She is well into her eighties and stands at about 4'9". She always has a full face of showgirl makeup and industrial strength fake eyelashes which I just love. Her basic uniform stays pretty consistant: a dark baseball hat, either a black or blond short wig, a t-shirt tied in a knot at her waist, some old school Jane Fonda workout tights with a dark colored panty over the top, big scrunchy socks and dark tennis shoes. God bless her. I've always wondered what her story is.
Did she head a dance company back when? Was she one of the original Rockettes? Or is she someone who came to LA and the pursuit of glamour and fame drove her a bit nutty?
One day I'll introduce myself but for now I will appreciate her at a respectful distance.

Ink on paper with photoshop.

Things I've Seen At The Gym: Weeble Wobble Man

This is a new category that I will post a quick sketch to every so often.
I used to be pretty good about going to the gym on a regular basis.  I, unfortunately, was in a fender bender about nine months ago and only recently have been able to resume working out.  They say muscle has a memory, but I am here to testify that fat has an even better memory!  Fat never, ever forgets. 
After a long absence, going back to the gym is pretty entertaining.  Sure some good worked out eye candy is always nice but at my gym today, there seemed to be an extremely large bounty of unusual shapes. 
A fifty something, 5'2" gentleman caught my eye this afternoon.  He was nearly as big around as he was tall and he was wearing a half shirt.  Yes, a half shirt.  He has body confidence the likes of which I certainly don't.  I should say he wasn't just wearing it, he was working it.  I stared as long as I could without being too obviously then I texted a friend who also goes to my gym.  I described the guy and my pal said he's always there and bares a strong resemblance to a Weeble Wobble.  Remember those toys?    Weebles Wobble but they don't fall down.
There were plenty of other fun shapes I saw.  I will be drawing them soon.  Stay tuned.......

Ink on paper with photoshop.