Pretty On The Outside

Well hello Shannon Beador and Heather Dubrow

Somebody please...... slap me for drawing these women from The Real Housewives Of Orange County.  Slap me twice actually--- one slap per drawing.  That's Shannon Beador on the left and Heather Dubrow on the right.  Two very fun faces that are very fun to draw.  #slapme

Vicki vs Lauri.

I give you "snow bunny" Vicki from the OC Housewives on the slopes of Whistler, BC Canada.  This was seconds after she screamed that her cast mate Lauri was "A piece of trash!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  That octave-defying screech certainly caused at least five avalanches.  #slapmefordrawingthis

Heather's facial expressions say everything.

This is Heather from The Real Housewives of Orange County watching in horror as her castmates were being aggressively-dry-humped by a collection of male strippers at Tamra's Puerto Vallarta Bachelorette party. (I had that same expression during that scene.) And those strippers, I'd say, weren't exactly the fantasy crew. 
This was drawn very quickly with pencil, ink, and marker in about 15 minutes..... Which was like doing a warmup before I start working on some real art today. Have a great day.

Vicki and her blow pop.

Here's our sweet and dignified Vicki from the Real Housewives of Orange County going to town on a penis-pop in Puerto Vallarta.  Why?  Why not!  Sorry, but this season is boring and no amount of "girl's" trips or fake fights or 50 year old women simulating oral on a gay pride-colored confection can help.  Well, the last part may help a pinch.  

Pen on paper with photoshop coloring.

Vicki!

Tonight's episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County hasn't even ended and I'm posting a drawing of my sweet Vicki.  Woo Hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  In this paused moment, Vicki is lamenting the long distance (5 mile) relationship with her boyfriend Brooks.  Right before posting this, I threw myself down a flight of stairs and smacked my face with a rolled-up newspaper for drawing these reality TV people.  I'm all swolled-up so I look just like one of them.  :)

Lauri Waring Peterson has returned!

Lauri Waring Peterson with her freshly-refurbished face made a triumphant reentry on tonight's Real Housewives of Orange County. I'm only about 10 minutes into the show but had to hit pause on my dvr remote to do this quick sketch. Please, someone..... anyone.... slap me for drawing this shit!

V is for Vicki......

..... disturbed by her date.

:)

The Real Damaged Hair of Orange County

 

Here are Lydia, Alexis, and Vicki at the forced and ridiculous pre-opening party for Tamra's damaged hair rehab center.  Tamra is set to launch a clinic for used and abused blond hair in Orange County and certainly the lines will back up all the way to the 405 freeway.....  Ok, Tamra is really opening a gym but if she were smart (cough, what, cough) she'd include a deep conditioning area because a few of them are featuring some seriously rough hair.  Not sure why, but Vicki this season looks like she styled her hair during a stage five hurricane.  I think her hair is a clear indicator of what's going on in her personal life. Tamra's hair looks like if someone sneezed really hard near her, all that fried mess would fly off in one big clump.  I'd call that texture thatch.  And real quick about Alexis--- that augmented moose chose to be on a show where people fight.  For that inflatable toy to say that the other women are bullying her minimizes the pain, isolation, and trauma that a true victim has felt. 

Lydia is just collateral damage her.

Was just going to leave this a black and white drawing but I couldn't help myself.  Someone, please, slap me for drawing these women. But be warned, if you do slap me--- I'm going to claim bullying.  

 

Alexis Bellino and her old nose

This is Christian Warrior Alexis Bellino from The Real Housewives of Orange County.  Ugh, why do I draw these people?  By the way, that's her old nose.... Just because.  :)

Alexis Bellino's "pretentious intervention."

The OC gals were still in Costa Rica this week and behaving as badly as possible.  Tamra and Gretchen were acting like drunken sorority girls on spring break: constantly belting out a party yowl while flashing their boobs.  Vicki was an emotional roller coaster: woo-hooing one minute then the next crying and saying they were going to be dead one day.  ???  Heather kept it together though with a look at all times like, 'what am I doing on this show?  Being on here better lead to another sitcom.' And then there's Alexis, poor Alexis. Here she is during her "pretentious intervention" in Costa Rica.

That intervention lead by Tamra had all the subtlety of a closed-fist punch in the face or a direct kick to the crotch with a steel-toed boot.  Personally I'd have taken a different approach with Alexis.  Perhaps a "pretentiousness encouragement" or a "pretentious enhancement" session. To me, she's at her best while simultaneously discussing: Jesus, her husband/king, their fleet of cars, her jewelry, her "couture" clothing line for strippers, their various homes, her competitive parenting ability, and her size triple J (for Jesus) implants.

I chose that still of Alexis to draw because it was such an odd mix of elements: that softball sized ring, those enormous furled filler lips, that avalanche of extensions, that sparkle eyeshadow, and anytime someone is crying while wearing fake eyelashes--- I'm intrigued.  It's sad, glamorous, and weird which I find to be a good mix.  It's a Lexitini served straight up a side of white elephant.  :)

Drawing of Alexis completed with ink, pen, and marker on paper with digital color.

If you have a moment, please check out Jesus Barbie.  :)