Pretty On The Outside

I'm on Bravo's website! You'll find my gallery on the Watch What Happens L!ve page.

Oh my goodness gracious.........  Bravo has given me my own gallery with 44 images of my drawn and painted Bravo-lebrities.  Please click here to have a look.  I'm having a hard time finding the right words to express my overwhelming gratitude......  I'll simply say thank you to Bravo and all those involved in making this happen.  I feel like I should be wearing a crown, clutching a bouquet of red roses, and waving as I walk to end of a stage while mascara-soaked tears stream down my face.  That might happen later this afternoon.  :) 

Thank you again Bravo! 

Oh, one other thing..... I have a facebook page if you'd like to like it please go here.  :)

Patti Stanger from The Millionaire Matchmaker is......

A. An obnoxious moose.

B. A complete butt-head.

C. A matchmaker.

D. All of the above.

Patti's "I'm unlikable" tour made a stop at Andy Cohen's Watch What Happens Live show last night and she had all the appeal of a wet fart in an elevator.  If you're not familiar with Patti, well.... she has a show on Bravo in which she plays matchmaker to impossibly narcissistic millionaire douche-bags.  Patti favors barking advice at her clients over rational discourse.  To the women that are the pool of options for the typically self-involved men, she'll tell them to wear: stiletto heels, tight dress, and show some skin.  Sex sells and Patti is pimp mommy.  

As I mentioned, Patti brought her new face to Andy's show to share her tired and dirty pearls of wisdom.  Patti's spray-tanned mug is going the way of so many ladies these days with the injected baby butt-cheek cheeks which is appropriate as she's a butt-head.  Do people really like that look?  I mean I do but more in a look and leer sort of a way over a "wow, you look so refreshed" way.  She repeatedly put her size 13 foot in her mouth when she complimented one gay skyped-in caller for not appearing gay.  Hmmmmm...... So if gay people are readable as gay then we're less then?  If we're passable as straight then we're in the elite? Later, a tsunami of shit came out of her enhanced mouth which fittingly looks like an inflamed asshole when she said "No one likes a queen" meaning an effeminate gay man.  Then said some crap about gays just wanting to be on hookup sites like grindr and manhunt.  And that she's given up on us--- the gays.  Good Patti, I've given up on you you big moose.  But not before I drew you and I regret I made you look prettier than you are.  

And in closing..... I have gay friends who fall all along the spectrum from very masculine to rather feminine.  The thing that links them all together is that they're fantastic, smart, funny, and kind.  And shockingly Patti the ones who are on the more fem side are very desirable.  What a don't care for are abrasive, loud, stereotyping jerks.  Oh Patti.... you gotta watch what you say on What What Happens.

The Millionaire Matchmaker season two finale. Bye for now Patti Stanger.

I drew Patti with an i Stanger several times last year, however this season..... ah.... I just couldn't bring myself to sketch her.  More accurately, I couldn't listen to her advice.  She's not so much dispensing pearls of wisdom to charming suitors as she is barking out commands to cheesy douche-bags.  To the millionaire men:  You need a chin implant!  You're wearing too much jewelry!  Don't pee in front of the women on your first date!  To the herd of gals she assembles to parade in front of the millionaires, it's all about turning up the skank volume while minimizing self worth.  Wear a push-up bra!  Get a spray tan!  Straighten your hair!  Bleach your teeth!  Wear a mini skirt!  Wear high heels!  Don't talk!  Patti's abrasiveness most certainly would give the etiquette authority Countess Luann Delesseps a stroke.  Mon Dieu!
I have been occasionally watching the show this season as that train wreck fascination creeps over when I see my TIVO has recorded it.  TIVO, why do you tempt me so?  Knowing last night's Millionaire Matchmaker, which was the second season's finale, had it's first ever gay millionaire--- I had to watch!  What kinds of questions would Patti ask the potential pool of gay bachelors?  Do you have a gag reflex?  Are you a size queen?  Have you ever been in a sling?  Would she tell the pool of guys to do 25 push-ups and fluff to a state of semi-arousal before meeting the gay millionaire?  Would she demand that the gay millionaire not lisp or do too many limp wristed hand gestures?  So many questions, so many stupid stereotypes........ 

The Millionaire Matchmaker makes me laugh.

Patty Stanger aka The Millionaire Matchmaker continues her tour of unlikable duty. Here's Patty's business philosophy in her own words:
"The purpose of The Millionaires Club is to introduce successful men to their potential wives or girlfriends.  So I'm here to screen all potential mates for them and to qualify the buyer." 
Heidi Fleiss, is that you?

Patty said of herself last night, "I'm like the Mother Teresa of match making."


She also said, "I'm a Svengali."

This is Chelsea, the VP of Match Making.  Love that title by the way..... let me try a couple:
I'm the VP of Drinking and Drawing. 
I'm the VP of Bravo TV Viewing while in a Cabernet induced haze.
I'm the VP of Tom Brady's package.  (That's the winner right there!)
Back to Chelsea..... She usually has a look of fear while around Patty which I think is fitting.   I'd have that same dead behind the eyes- don't hurt me- whatever you say Patty- look too.

There you have it.  I hadn't planned on continuing with this show, but I was completely sucked into last night's show.  Perhaps more episodes to follow......

Each ink on paper drawing took between 10 to 20 minutes to complete with the help of a 1/2 bottle of Cabernet.

If you enjoy looking at my drawings online, the next step would be having one or two or three in your home.  Interested?  Click on over to my etsy shop and take a gander.  And your credit card.  :)  Much appreciated!

The Millionaire Matchmaker makes me unsure

I've gotten so many requests to draw the new Bravo show The Millionaire Matchmaker but I wasn't quite sure if I could commit.  I'd seen the commercials and honestly hadn't been bitten.  Sure, I'll watch all kinds of reality TV, especially if it's on Bravo but a matchmaker show....... seemed uninspiring.  I've Tivo'd all the episodes but just couldn't bring myself to watch.   I know my BFF has seen the show so I asked his opinion about that matchmaker chick.  He said, "she's a mean, dumb, unlikable c*nt." After hearing that, I couldn't get to a glass of red wine, a pen and some paper, and my Tivo remote fast enough.  In that order of course.

This is Patty Stanger, The Millionaire matchmaker, and I'm happy to announce that my BFF's description of her is spot on.  Patty says when a millionaire approaches her escort service, that he has what she likes to call an "illness."  Her escort service will diagnosis and develop a treatment for said "illness." 

The treatments her escort service includes are: date coaching, psychological evaluations, relationship counseling, image consulting, decorating advice, mass exposure for attention whores, ass bleaching, hammer toe removal, pillow biting interference, chronic halitosis correction, ball busting, and a lowering of expectations.

An example of her treatment in action is as follows:
A late forties millionaire wanted to get hooked up with a Cindy Crawford type from ten years ago.  In other words, the 46+ year old wanted a twenty something hottie.  Patty wasn't having any of this twenty year age difference business so she devised an ingenuous plan.  She would hook the 46+ guy up with a young chick, only to have the girl flake out on him.  That flaking out would certainly teach the millionaire a valuable life lesson.  In her own words, he'd "reevaluate his immortality."  The dude would see that he really should be with someone closer to his own age.
Wow, Patty's a f*cking genius.  Patty's a wizard.  Patty should go work for the UN.  Hell, Patty for President!  Patty, Patty, Patty!!!!!!!

There you have it.  Not sure if I can take another episode of this show.  Or can I?  Hmmmmmmm..... my Tivo is full of back episodes.  We'll see.

Each drawing took about fifteen minutes to complete with pen on paper.  One HUGE glass of Cabernet certainly helped.
Also, I'd like to mention that my spelling is atrociosh, atroshsish, really bad sober.  But give me a glass of wine and my spelling is almost like another language.  Thanks to all of you who write in with spelling corrections.  :)  Much appree-she-ated. 

If you enjoy looking at my drawings online, the next step would be having one or two or three in your home.  Interested?  Click on over to my etsy shop and take a gander.  And your credit card.  :)  Much appreciated!