Pretty On The Outside

Congressman Weiner..... is that you?

I just can't let a good photoshop opportunity pass me by and the story of Congressman Weiner possibly tweeting a crotch shot seemed like a fun prospect.  Whether or not he did or didn't tweet a photo of himself--- I could care less.  Big deal.  The only issue I have with the photo is that it's too tame.  I expect more kink from my congressmen so........ I've turned the kinky volume up. 

I give you---- Punk Weiner.  Kinda hot, right?  Lean and liberal....... tight and tolerant......

Next I'd like to present Bear Weiner.  Hotter?  Buff and broad-minded...... beefy and bighearted.......

Madonna and Jesus Luz unretouched and retouched

I remember when those photos taken by Steven Klein of Madonna and Brazilian model Jesus Luz were in W Magazine.  The first picture I saw of Jesus where he's walking towards the camera and it's cropped right above his man bits made me shout, "Oh my sweet f**king God!" And also made me want to buy a one-way ticket to Rio.  Everyone has their own idea of what's perfect and for me, he's just about there.  Then flowed the rumors they were a couple.  At 51, I think Madonna deserves to have a 22 boyfriend.  Hell yeah!  That's my goal when I'm 51.  So.... by now you've probably all seen the NSFW unretouched photo of Madonna and Jesus Luz from said shoot which leaked onto the internet last week.

 

It's....ah..... not exactly a fantasy photo of either of them.  After the jump, I have that leaked photo and then a reworked-photoshopped version which I think those two would have preferred to have been leaked.  Warning---- there's nudity in the second part of this posting!  Very Not Safe For Work.

Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig's new play.

I've been out of town for the last week and half working on a project.  While away, I ended up taking that time off from looking at blogs.  A brief break.  This afternoon I decided to do a little peaking around and the first story I read was a HUGE welcome back to the blog-o-sphere.  Turns out Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig will be co-starring in a Broadway play titled A Steady Rain as cops who moonlight as gay strippers.  Be still my beating nightstick. 

Jake Gyllenhaal and Austin Nicols: Biking buddies and beyond?

A round of applause for any guy who squeezes into a form-fitting spandex outfit and works up a sweat with another guy who has also squeezed himself into a form-fitting spandex outfit.  Bravo!  When I saw these photos of Jake Gyllenhaal and his buddy Austin Nicols doing what I just described, I smiled and my mind began to wander.  I also wondered who Austin Nicols was but a quick google search caught me up to speed.  As good as those photos are, in my spandex coated dreams- those two would be getting a little friendlier and little more involved.  I mean really, two hot guys in bulge revealing tights and no cuddling--- that would be a damn shame!

Please let me have this fantasy about gay marriage........

13 and a half years ago my partner and I decided to wage a very slow, deliberate, and calculated assault on the institution of marriage.  A really slow assault indeed.  So slow in fact we hadn't ever planned to marry until recently when California overturned its ban on gay marriage.  Woo woo!  Finally all our efforts to undermine traditional marriage could truly unfold.  It's like we're sleeper cells that had just been activated.  You straight guardians of marriage had best be on high alert because we the Californian gays are mobilized and looking to make a mockery of your marriage.  And the worst thing of all--- you'll have to teach your children tolerance and acceptance.  Scary, huh? 
Well, our assault on traditional marriage is facing a roadblock.  Damn you conservatives!  On November 4th, Californians will have an opportunity to vote on Prop 8.  A Yes on Prop 8 is a victory for bigotry, division, and intolerance.  A No vote means equality, acceptance, and progress.  I'd be able to legally call my other half my husband, which he is.  He also has great health insurance and I want in on it. 
I'd like you all to join me and my partner, and Hugh Jackman and his life partner Robert Buckley and Vote NO on Prop 8.  OK, Hugh and Robert aren't a couple but as this posting is about my hopes and dreams, I thought I'd add in a bit of fantasy.  My fantasy and I'm sure a few other guys out there as well. 

Cherwoman

The interesting thing about checking blogs is you never know what breaking gossip stories you'll discover.  I guess that's why many of us check them constantly.  I spend way, way, way too much time clicking and searching and hoping to find something enjoyable.  Often the news is awfully awful, but sometimes it can be awfully great.  Well, this morning I read something pretty great.  It's rumored that Cher is up for the part of Catwoman in the next installment of the Batman series, directed by Christopher Nolan.  If that's true, she'd be joining Johnny Depp who is already signed on to play the The Riddler.   

A studio executive said: "Cher is Nolan's first choice to play Catwoman. He wants to portray her like a vamp in her twilight years. The new Catwoman will be the absolute opposite of Michelle Pfeiffer and Halle Berry's purring creations."

Oh......... that sounds absolutely fantastic!  I think Cher is the perfect choice for that role.  Now if they'd just cast The LadyBunny as Batgirl and Chad White as Robin, then I'd be all set.      

Is this Nelly's new ad for Sean John underwear?

Unfortunately, no.  This is just a little something I cooked up with photoshop.  I was basically forced to create this fantasy image as Nelly's ads so far have been a complete tease.  I am totally on board with rapper/ hot piece of ass Nelly being the face and bulge of Sean John underwear.  However what I don't like are underwear ads where the dude still has his pants on.  I get if it's a jean's ad, but for an underwear ad- unacceptable.  The bible says something like don't hide your lantern under a bushel.  Which in this case roughly translates to "Hey Nelly, whip it out."   Well, that's my translation anyway.  Sorry to get so religious on you all.

Nelly needs to take a lesson from David Beckham on how to affectively feature a bulge.  Mr. Beckham's package has been inescapable (not that I was trying to escape) for what seems like forever.  It's hard to even remember a time when David Beckham's Armani covered crotch wasn't in every magazine.
I am just hoping this long slow tease of Nelly underwear ads with his pants still on is leading to a big pay off.  My wish is that in the final reveal, Mr Nelly is in a thong or a jock strap and he'll be shot from all angles.  Especially from behind.  And maybe he's bent over.  Those are the ads I want to see, and if Sean John won't produce those, well.......then I'll just have to make my own. 
Your move Sean John.

Want to see more of my fantasy underwear images?

Tom Brady meets Tom of Finland.

Raise your hands for Beckham.

Oscar De La Hoya bonus fishnet stocking photos. 

Robert Buckley channels Spanish Soccer Players writing on themselves for Nike, and he does the same....

...or something thereabouts.  I found the following Nike video of Spanish soccer players writing on themselves on Oh La La Mag .  There are some great stills included in that link.

My reaction to that video?
Well, I..........

#1. Enjoyed it.
#2. Found the visual of those guys wildly scribbling themselves to be very appealing.
#3. Wish I knew Spanish as I'd love to know what they're writing.
#4. Oddly, I wondered what it would look like if the usually shirtless Robert Buckley were to channel those players and scribble all over his own toned torso.  What would he write?

I think he'd write the words my friends and I often use when describing him.

To see other examples of Robert in all his glory, please have a look at these links:

Robert playing basketball all by himself.  Sad, but scorchingly hot.

Robert trying to make me jealous by flirting with someone else. So rude!

Robert with a boggie board and a pout.  But shirtless!

I hope Nike puts my photoshopped concept into action.  And if Robert has carpal tunnel and can't write on himself.... well..... I'm available.

A Rod + Madonna = A Rodonna

Depending on which source you wish to believe, Madonna and her husband Guy Richie might be getting divorced.  Or they might be staying together.  Or you can believe Madonna is helping Alex Rodriguez a.k.a. A Rod of New York Yankees' with some late night batting practice.  I don't really care, I just saw this a wonderful photoshop opportunity to blend this powerhouse couple.  Above is a peak at what their spawn could look like some day. 
Pretty?   Or pretty frightening?

Justin Timberlake + Robert Buckley = JustBuckMe

Are Justin Timberlake and Robert Buckley the hot new couple?

Did the constantly shirtless Buckley steal Justin away from Beckham?

Are JT and RB trying to out sexy Hugh Jackman and his "trainer"?

The answer to all these questions is of course yes.  I mean no!  No, no, no, no, no........  Alas, the dashing duo are not dating.  :(  This is yet another posting created with wishful thinking, photoshop, and too much free time.  A lethal combo.

If you'd like to see the above image in B&W have a look here.