How many times have you parted your shoulder-length dry and fly away hair down the middle, placed about a quarter of a million dollars worth of jewelry around your wrist, grabbed your miniature dog, and left your stone mansion to go across the street to your neighbor's stone mansion for an afternoon tutorial of how to prepare a chicken only to have that neighbor use anti-bacterial soap on the bird when cleaning it? Once or twice? And how many times has that neighbor's full time chef lurked in the hallway, scowling while mumbling something that sounded like "that god damn fake bitch and her god damn dog"? It's happened before right? Oh...... and how many times have you gone to visit an old friend who's clearly post retirement age, lives in a garishly-decorated 60,000 sq ft home, and you're introduced to his personality-free Russian mail-order child-bride? Once or twice? Well..... if you're Lisa Vanderpump, it's de rigueur.
Oh and how many times has a friend invited you over to their home for a "spa day" and the setup is nicer than most true spas? Once or twice? Well, Adrienne Maloof who already has a spray-tan room and some hydrating machine that costs 40K added three massage therapists, facial-mani-pedi givers and a bevy of other indulging, relaxing goodies to her repertoire. Oh and she had a couple stud host-helper dudes and Miss Maloof, I approve. That one guy had arms like Popeye.... did you see him? I love that Adrienne had a buffet fit for people who actually eat: fondue, cheeses, crackers, desserts galore, frozen yogurt (with the company's logo prominently displayed naturally), and other yumminess. The sad thing is with Taylor, Kim, Brandi, and Camille who clearly prefer to not eat--- most of that delicious buffet was wasted. I think Kyle and Dana probably had a bit to eat. So one by one the gals arrived, slipped into robes, and with their purses clutched tightly they mixed, mingled, relaxed, and then talked shit about Brandi-- the new girl. The women hate her because she called Kim on her erratic behavior at the previous party. Sure Brandi's shrill voice screaming "she's wasted.... she's on crystal meth...." was over the top but the Richards sisters weren't any better with their "you're a slut pig" and "shut your god damn mouth" and "I don't like you". It was a bunch of annoying, entitled bitches hollering at each other and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I love watching that sun-damaged Kim with her badly in need of conditioner hair and her bizarre behaviour, is that wrong? Those confessional scenes where her words are slurred and she's waving her arms around like she's about to get in a bar fight--- heaven! It's terrible but hell, I like it. I drew the wild and distracted Kim getting a hydrating facial with the 40K machine.
Ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Kim is my new favorite to draw. She's so animated and off her rocker which makes her the perfect subject to sketch. Oh that's crazy gals...... Adrienne tried her best to play peace maker by strongly urging Brandi apologize to Kyle but I don't know, I think the fight at the game night party was a "push" in terms of ignorance. All parties went too far but if apologies are being handed out, Kyle being the more rational out of the Richards pair should say sorry too. By the way, does anyone else think Kyle talks a little like her niece Paris Hilton? I notice a little of a baby talk voice here and there and that makes me want to plug my ears. Oh dear if there's one thing I can NOT stand it's that god damn fake Paris- Kim Kardashin girlie baby talk shit. For that baby talk voice alone I'm siding with Brandi. Not that she's that much better.... well... again, it's a push. I'm waiting for Kyle's apology. I will too say that I thought it was weird of Adrienne to not walk Brandi to the door as the gaggle of mean bitches snickered and laughed and said "don't let the door hit you in the ass" as she left. Bad mean bitches.
One more thing really quickly, isn't it interesting that Camille is entirely different this season? Did she blackmail the editors at Bravo because she seems almost likable. Maybe that's overreaching but she's doing a better job at being "normal". What did I just type?
That was scribbled quickly in a sketchbook and the final image is here.
Until we meet again......
Oh David, finally an old-fashioned full-blown blogpost by you are RH!! Hey, what do you think about that horrendous blouse Kim wears in her confessionals? Looks like it was made for a 95 year old (gotta be careful cuz my mom is 83 & she wouldnt wear that). But...I'm pulling for Kim cuz of her substance abuse issues. Having dealt w/the like, I'm in her corner-on the sobriety topic.
That said, those Richards sisters are stuck-up bitches! I didn't like Brandi at first, but I absolutely *heart* her now! Just the fact that she's going to things to show those bitches she won't be bullied-good for her! And I love how Kim called her every name in the book, yet referred to her as, and I quote "B-I-T-C-H" - what a damn hypocrite Kim is.
Regarding RHONJ, you are so right on about Teresa. Here Jill Zarin has been dubbed "most hated housewife" but I think Teresa may be coming up from behind! (no pun intended)Season 4 is the one they're filming now, and I've read a rumor that Caroline & Jacqueline are possibly gonna be axed after that. Jacqueline, understandably. Caroline? Bravo would be making a HUGE mistake.
Someone on Twitter took some still shots of the reunion & there was 1 photo of Teresa that I'd love for you to draw. If only I could think of who it is that posted them. Ugh. BTW, do you not have a Twitter account? I can't find it anywhere on your site.
Loved this post & the drawings!
Posted by: Jane | October 26, 2011 at 01:25 PM
OOOOOOOkay, just read my posted comment & the 1st sentence reads like I was drunk typing. I'm not drunk, it's only 1:26 in the afternoon!! LOL (besides I don't drink)
Posted by: Jane | October 26, 2011 at 01:27 PM
I definitely have noticed Kyle's voice. I think that her clothes and accessories often resemble Paris' as well. Ha! Brandi could never claim to have influenced one of the most famous skanks in the world. No wonder Kyle is so full of herself :)
Posted by: Andie | October 26, 2011 at 02:52 PM
Who can guess what kind of meds kim is on? Some kind of anti-depressant, right? Crystal meth was a terrible guess on Brandi's part. None of this set want to stay up for three days drinking, snorting crank and riding harleys. Well, maybe Camille in a past life....
Kim was a sad, pathetic case last season, but now, with a doctor's help, she really has done a good job of covering up that child actor insecurity and projecting bitchiness.
Hope the meds dont run out.
And there is no tolerance problem.
Posted by: dbr | October 26, 2011 at 06:21 PM
Hilarious post! But ease up on Lisa. She's the only one on that show that has ANY manners or sense.
Posted by: ScottishLass10 | October 26, 2011 at 11:16 PM
You are always soooo spot-on with both your illustrations and your commentary about these awful bitches (who I also just love to watch and listen to)... Seriously, just can't get enough of your take on all of these shows and your genius artwork! Thanks for just being you!
Posted by: Karyn | October 29, 2011 at 03:50 PM
The only thing I have to say is that Kim and Kyle are two bullies. Kim DID start the whole "feud" by saying, "I don't want her on my team."
That was nasty on her part. And another thing, why did the sister's fly off the handle when Brandi said Kim was on drugs? Touch a bit on the truth there? Either Kim is REALLY stupid, or she is on something that can take down a horse!
I love that you say Kyle has that baby stripper voice like Paris. I hate that too!!
Posted by: Michelle | October 30, 2011 at 06:32 AM
My Momma always used to say that money can't buy class and after watching 'The Housewives' it's easy to see what she meant.
The best thing about Bravo is that dude Andy and I loved it when he gave David a little recognition! My daughter turned me on to 'Pretty On The Outside' when the 'Housewives of NY' first aired and from there I tuned into Bravo and am a fan due to you David!!! Keep up the awesome work as you are the reason some of us even watch Bravo!
Posted by: stacie | November 01, 2011 at 05:38 PM
Hi David, as always, you are SPOT on with your recap and drawings! I LOVE LOVE LOVE coming here and seeing a new post from you!
P.S. Like Stacie above, I only started watching the "Housewives" series AFTER seeing you comment so much on them! I am a FAN of BRAVO because of you!
Posted by: LIZ | November 04, 2011 at 05:53 PM
I just wanted to comment your blog and say that I really enjoyed reading your blog post here. It was very informative and I also digg the way you write! Keep it up and I’ll be back to read more soon mate.
Posted by: Abby@moncler pas chere | November 06, 2011 at 01:00 AM
Why are they so mean to brandi? Is it because she seems like she is poor & trashy? I think that must be it. It just looks like the one with the most money wins on that show. They should be a little more sympathic, they feel bad for camille but make fun of brandi. Didn't they both lose their husbands? I just don't see brandi being part of that group. She seems too young to roll with that group...does she even need plastic surgery? What in the world is she doing there?
Posted by: trinity | November 18, 2011 at 05:19 PM