The Real Housewives of DC. BFD or OMG? Or both?

It's with mixed emotions (and some scotch) that I just created a new category for these DC gals.  Are we ready for a new batch of housewives?  I'll say yes.  Are we ready for this particular batch?  Not sure yet.  I've personally already flushed those Jersey housewives and am eager to move on but the premier of The Real Housewives of DC left me feeling a bit limp.  Of course I'll watch every episode and have hopes that these women will come through.  Don't you?  I'll mention my partner poured me the largest glass of scotch ever about 20 minutes ago and it's nearly half gone..... which means hello typos!  Anyway this is going to be short as I didn't take any notes during the show and have forgotten most of it, however I did a couple drawings to help.  So out of the women we were introduced to, I have two that I'm favoring and for completely different reasons. 

Meet Michaele.

 

She's a thin-lipped fried blond wig on a broom stick with the energy of a hummingbird soaked in Redbull.  She's also an aggressive fame monger which means my local art store will have a booming business as I buy up pads of paper and pens.  Here's the photo I snapped of her with my phone to use as a reference.

 

Hello gorgeous!  Hello my DC muse!  She's steeped in all kinds of controversy but what's holding my interest is her cascading broom-bristle blond mane.  It seems in terms of fashion that the 80's are back so I say she's ready for a V05 hot oil hair treatment commercial.  Or a Jhirmack deep conditioning rinse.  All things I used in the 80s...........  As far as I'm concerned, she can crash as many political parties as she wants---- as long as that hair looks like it's growing an inch above a horse's ass and she maintains her hugging tornado approach, I'm in.  She's the Ramona of this show.  She's also the Alexis Bellino aka Jesus Barbie (minus the huge tits) in terms of she and her husband love flaunting their privileged (?) lifestyle.  I look forward to drawing you more Michaele.

Meet Lynda.

 

And the reference photo I used for the drawing also snapped with my phone.

I actually like Lynda from what I saw and feel a bit of a connection.  We both are in relationships with younger men of color.  Seems like she has a nice family, runs her own business, and has a handsome younger man to keep her company.  I'll say it--- you go Lynda with a y.  She looks a bit like Kate Jackson from Charlie's Angels mixed with Posh Beckham.  Lynda, I approve your message. 

The rest of the gals seemed fine.  The British one has no sense of dinner party etiquette which I love and the other two seemed pretty normal so I'm cautious about how this season will play out.  I do like that these women in general appear to well educated which is a huge departure from Joe and Teresa Guidice.  Speaking of Jersey.......  Barf.  That show ran over it's limit about four episodes ago.  That's just my opinion though.  In a nutshell, imagine being trapped on a hideously tacky cruise ship with the four screaming spawn of Joe and Teresa.  Sounds awful, right?  Sounds like you'd want to jump over the side and swim for land.  Right?  That's how I felt watching last night's show.  I'm sorry but I'm done with the NJ gals.  Unless the Kims jelly wrestle........  Please Bravo, have the Kims wrestle in jello or VO5 hot oil.  I'm sure they would.

Both drawings are done with archival ink on 9" x 12" paper and are for sale.  If interested, email me and I can upload them to my etsy shop or you can buy them directly from me.  Thanks!

Comments

[Alan]

The V05 hot oil treatment - hilarious!

[not*rona]

As a real DC housewife---actually Potomac (not rich) housewife here is my two cents:
1) I love the the fab life they lead while the rest of us are stuck in traffic
2) At least this cast (like the NYC) can use a pronoun! If I had to hear Gretchen say "me and him" one more time I would scream.

[MaryClaire]

I am loving RHODC myself! Sidenote - my watch party all thought that Lynda looked like a better man's Danielle and/or Lynn. Lyn-Da? Coincidence?

[Becky]

I'm so over NJ as well. Doesn't it seem like it's gone on longer than the other seasons? But I think I'm gonna love the DC girls! Especially Mary (?), the one with the closet that only opens with her left thumb print. I think that might just be the most amazing thing I've seen on any RH ever.

[Pam Woodson]

I have to agree with Mary Claire! I posted, on another site, that she looks like the love child of Danielle and Lynne. The ONLY thing that I liked about DC was Lynda's boyfriend! I found him VERY sexy! I'd tap that!

[dbr]

I agree with everything DG says about DC except that they all seem more educated then the Jersy Guidos. (I'm 1/2 ital, so I can "usa da slurs")

Michaele may be a muse, but she is so mechanically extroverted and fast forward, with her fabulous hugs which convey vacuous indifference smothered in saccharine...a very phony sweetener.

I thought runway models looked phoney greeting and giving hugs, Kelly Benzadrine as an example with her bulging eyes and her twisted HIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!

Micheale Salahi betrays absolutely no inner consciousness. She seems to be on schmoozomatic auto-pilot.

And I agree Becky about the biometric door lock. Not that I found it as positive as you did, Becky, but I like that in DC, with all the security goons and spooks who make a living there, that someone would actually lock their own family out with a biometric lock. That, to me, seems particularly Orwellian.

[Maria]

@DBR.....Kelly Benzadrine LMFAO!!!! :) Thank you for that much needed laugh today!

[Anne]

I would love a biometric lock. But not on the closet (who the hell would steal seasons old Talbots, Nine West and flipflops?). No, I would have a bio lock on the bathroom door so mama could pee in peace. Now THAT would be living the fab life.

Have not watched DC yet, but I am sure I will get hooked eventually.

[Bryan]

Sounds like DG read my post about that cruise of terror I posted over on "Reality Pepsi"

[dbr]

;-) back @ Maria

Glad I made you laugh.

[Gilmore]

Thanks everyone for your comments....... your feedback makes this site worth doing. I will confess I'm a bad blogger in that I rarely read other sites which discuss the housewives. When you all sends me links, I do have a look at those but I don't want what I write to be influenced. And I never read the comments on other sites. So Bryan, given how funny your comments are here, I'm sure whatever you wrote on that other site must be hilarious. I however haven't heard of Reality Pepsi--- hope that site is providing lots of entertainment too.
Thanks!
Mr Pretty On The Outside.com

[Michele]

Not really watching this one. Maybe I'll get into it this week. I love the recaps and comments at POTO.

So with you and the other readers here: Done with Jersey. The reunion, I'm watching. The rest of the show, I agree with Gilmore, it should have ended weeks ago.

Arrivederci, Jersey. See you in court Teresa.

[Maria]

Holy crap! This is for all of the Methenny haters....:) http://www.realitytea.com/2010/08/12/photos-bethenny-frankels-nude-acting-past-revealed-plus-jill-zarin-hasnt-met-bethennys-baby/#more-16158

[Maria]

Holy sh*t balls!! They are selling EVERYTHING off in Tee's Tee's marbled up mess of a mansion. I mean everything. I thought they were just putting certain things up for auction but everything is going....even the built in refirgerator! And (tee hee)the Maserati is friggin leased! Here's the link to the list of everything being auctioned....I know this has been posted a million times but they seem to keep adding things as the days go by and it gets closer to the auction date....http://www.radaronline.com/sites/radaronline.com/files/GiudiceBankruptcyApprasial.pdf

[suz]

Maria
I have seen the topless photos of Bethenny before
she has worst looking boobs than Dansmell

[Bryan]

Shocking

[Maria]

Suz,

I have to say that I tried to give Methenny the benefit of the doubt....but, not so much anymore. It seems she has let the success of her new show kind of go to her head....and then we have the new link today to her "topless" (and I just have to say YECHHHHHH!)movie debut and I am quickly falling off of the Methenny "train".

Look, I am totally not judging her bubbies :) but on that note....why would someone voluntarily agree to put those two sagging, unattractive, and almost disturbing bubbies on film? I have a feeling she may have had them "done" since then. But why did she go on film before she had them worked on? Once again, I am not judging her melons....but if you are going to film a movie topless, please do the public a favor and get those babies worked on so as not to have said public throwing up while watching you on film. WHY did she ever do that? Or let it happen? Famewh*re? I am leaning toward and big YES on that one.

And I wish she would quit going on and on and on about her horrible mother and father....like I have said, people have had worse childhoods but don't feel the need to do a softcore porn to make up for said childhood. I have a feeling Bobby F. financed her life pretty well up until he died. I picture doing a real number on him as far as guilt trips go for being a bad father.

[Maria]

ACCCCKKKKKK! How absolutely horrid, horrific, stomach turning and embarassing are these women on the RHODC? Give me NY, OC and even *gasp* NJ or Atlanta before these pompous ass biotches! The only two I remotely like are Stacie and maybe, kind of, sort of Mary.

However, OMGGGG! I usually would never comment on how HOT someone else's husband is (kind of inappropriate, but this is a tv show) but....is it just me or is Mary's hubby Rich absolutely hot, hot, hot and oh so beautiful? I have never found any of the Housewives significant other's remotely attractive in anyway way AT ALL. But this Rich is just beautiful with his sparkling blue eyes and bed head hair. YIKES! What a complete DOLL! :) And to top it off he seems, "so far", to be a stand up guy with class. But he also seems to have a little bit of naughtiness in him as well :). Love it!

On that note....who is the skeeviess, most obnoxious house husband ever? My vote would have to be Michaele's husband Tariq or Tareq or however you spell his name. And to read all about how he is suing his own parents for the rights to the wine vineyard that they (his parents) started is beyond just disgusting.

Can't wait for the Beverly Hills girls!

I have a friend that worked and lived in DC all of his professional life. He would and still does regale us with his fabulous stories about the interesting, fantastic and exciting life he and his wife led while living and working in DC. I love, love, love to listen to his stories about all of the wonderfully fantastic people he knew and dealt with and schmoozed with at all of the fabulous parties and balls in DC. Seriously Bravo? This is all you could find in DC? WTF? The bottom of the fing barrel?

I guess all of the "really" connected people with money and status in DC are way too smart to put themselves and their entire lives out on display for everyone to see on a low rent reality show.

[Maria]

Oh geeez, not that it matters, but sorry if my posts come off a little bit cranky. Just had to put my 92 year old grammy in hospital after mild stroke. She had been living by herself and still driving :) up until now per her wishes, except for daily check ups on her by various family members, me included. But the mild stroke has brought on a severe form of dementia and she now has no idea where she is, what day it is, etc., It has been heartbreaking.

Thank goodness all of my family members, including me are willing to take her in. None of us would allow her to live in a nursing home. As of now I have set it up for fresh flowers to be delivered to her room every 3rd or 4th day from our local florist. The one thing she is responding to is all of the beautiful flowers that she has been receiving while in the hospital so
I will do anything to keep a smile on her face. I'm sorry if this is TMI. It has just been heartbreaking. I hope no one else ever has to go through this type of sorrow with a loved one but I am sure it happens everyday all over the world. Thanks for listening.

I guess watching the Housewives is kind of an escape for me right now. However awful they might be. :)

I guess the good thing about this is I know that if god forbid there comes a time that either one of my parent's cannot care for themselves I know that I will never let them live in a nursing home and I will be prepared to take them in and take care of them.

[Maria]

YES dbr....lol@Kelly Benzadrine! :0) Right back atcha!

[Maria]

Oh my gawwwwdddd....this link is kind of racy but I think you will laugh your as* off like I did....http://realcityhousewife.wordpress.com/2010/08/13/what-if/

and....lol http://realcityhousewife.wordpress.com/2010/08/11/photos-are-teresa-and-juicy-joe-headed-for-divorce/

[Bryan]

Okay here is what I posted on "Reality Tea" but I often called it Pepsi or Lemonlime, I was thinking what it must have been like to be just some ordinary couple stuck on that Italian Cruise ship with those "Guido's" ("Im part Italian don't smack me yet)

So I wrote this....and posted it.

Try and picture this, There you are on the Fabioso Grandioso, whatever the fuck that ship was called. Your there with some significant other, all cozy in some lounge, expecting a nice cruise in the DEAD of winter off the Italian coast. your nice and relaxed with a warm drink and BAM!!! that peace and quiet is shattered…

Around you suddenly is this swarm people What must be a Tour Group obviously from the East Coast of the US with those accents all italian american’s but the worst kind!!, This mob with its waddling senior citizens looking dazed and confused also with them screeching ” I dont WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT it” small girls some with unatural deep voices as if they have been smoking lucky strikes for years, all dressed up in furs crazy dresses and crap in their hair. Some loud woman obviously the mom leading the entire group looking for the ships mall.

For the next several horrific days your trapped, you cant get away from them. Their sit-com like shinanigans happening at every turn , Its like and episode of “Everyone loves Raymond’ but as Ina Garten would say, “With the volume turned UP”.

Even dinner in the grand dining room they have some crazy birthday for one of the little girls, once again dressed up like they just came out of a clown car. and now what might have been a nice quiet dinner the gentle peace of what might have been a nice plate of Fungili is shattered with another “I dont WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT IT, only worse.

There is no escaping this Italian version of the Kettle Family, there is only one thing to do at this point……JUMP!!!!

[Maria]

Great recap of the wonderfully horrible, tragic, did I say horrible, low rent, no money, classless biotches from DC....and I am not a judgmental person :) but this show blows....http://gawker.com/5612255/real-housewives-of-dc-our-kingdom-for-a-horse?skyline=true&s=i

[Maria]

@Bryan LOFL at your recap of the cruise ship from HELL filled with all of the little irritating as hell spoiled little Cannoli's from the great state of New Jersey. And just to add a little excitement to the trip the Housewives with children and without decided to include their parent's (all approaching it looks like 80 years old) on this fun filled vaca to Italy in the dead of fing winter all expenses paid by Bravo. Oh, and they decided to bring the "rents", as they so endearingly called them, so that said "rents" could babysit little Ziti, Canelloni, Foccacia and Bruschetta.

Oh and how lovely was it that Jackie decided to clean the elevator windows with her as*? No wonder As*ley is such a problem child.

[Bryan]

Thanks Maria, I like your names for the girls, and yes we got to see the real jacqueline. I can only imagine what the Italians thought of these people!!!

PEASANTS!!!!

[suz]

Bryan
You should read Jacq blog about the cruise
They crashed that bar and tried to liven up the crowd - took the mic from the singer
If I was on the cruise I would sue Bravo for ruining my trip.
Have you noticed how much more staged NJ series
I think the producers are staging almost every scene.

and how mean to take your parents on the cruise to babysit for you.
Jacq and Teresa are the ultimate of selfish

[Bryan]

I read it Suz, first off I can't imagine taking a cruise like that if it wasn't going to be to someplace like Alaska at that time of the year.

Also there wasn't much seeing italy from the damn boat, but maybe for the older ones that was okay. as far as babysitting better the grandparents do it then shoving them off on Albert and Caroline.

that was worse and they were all jetlagged no kidding

[susan]

"the Kims" ~ snort!

[suz]

Bryan,
I bet you it was Bravo's idea to have Caroline and Albert babysit so they could get some good video
They would have to know that the kids would be cranky after flying that far and walking (floating) all over Venice and would make a big fuss and great video.
I am sure the kids would have been fine with room service.

[suz]

Danielle fired

[Maria]

HOLY SHI* BALLS!! Suz, thanks for the heads up about Beverly/Danielle getting axed! Here is a link discussing it....http://www.realitytea.com/

What does this all mean???? :) Yay, yay, yay!! Does Dina come back now? I guess the sex tape might have been the final straw....or maybe suing her castmates or all of the stalking that she "allegedly" did of all of her castmates....or her appearance at the Brownstone all "ganged" up??

[suz]

Maria,
She wouldn't have been fired for her controversy- I mean they have the Salahi's on and they are in trouble with the feds.
And I doubt Bravo would have cared if she threatened to kill someone they would have been delighted to get it on tape.

Must have afraid that because she is so sue happy that they were afraid they would be next.
She sued that plastic surgery for talking about her on TV.
(like she wasn't on tv and showing the surgery)
She is planning a spin off- HA HA

[Maria]

Suz,

I am guessing you are 100% percent correct on this one as you usually are about these trashtastic housewives.

The way I see it is this....all of these guidotastic biotches from Joisey (and probably every city, but Jersey is the worst)are fighting for camera time! All of these no working, non-exercising, possibly alcoholic *wink, wink*, way too addicted to make-up, hair extensions, 5 inch heels, false eyelashes, hair bleach fat as*ses want all the camera time they can get and Beverly/Danielle was eating into said time on camera. I am NOT defending Beverly/Angela/Danielle but they way I see it none of those other guidettes are any better. Well....maybe they are a little better....ya know, they have never been strippers or put out a sex tape like Beverly/Angela/Danielle. But the whole lot of them are absolute fame wh*res in the worst way.

Lest we forget Tee Tee with her 11 million dollar debt and upcoming auctioning off of all of her belongings by the government.

Also....wasn't one of these Guidettes father in laws found in the trunk of his Caddie not breathing?

[Maria]

Watching the first ten minutes of tonights epi of RHONJ and I have to say that YES, YES, YES, Fing YES it will be great to not have to see Skeltor (Beverly/Danielle)on camera again next season! She is a sad creature....but I really feel sorry for her two beautiful daughters. I only hope there are some competent adults surrounding these two precious girls so as not to have as their only influence a crazy, ex-burlesque dancer (cough, cough stripper) former escort convicted of some pretty bad things as their only influence.

[suz]

Maria
Jillian is the one I feel sorry for
I hope she is with their father and his wife as much if not more than Danielle.
That poor girl- she looks frightened all the time.
I think Christine will be out on her own by 17.

[Maria]

Suz, I know how you feel. Christian has already shown signs that she is "over" her mother and her mother's "antics". But you're right about Jillian. It seems like she is the most vulnerable right now being that she is the younger of the two beautiful girls.

But, I guess it was a couple of episodes ago, Jillian was practicing her music and her mother walked in and it seemed like, to me anyway, that Jillian kind of took charge of the situation and didn't let her mother walk all over her. Beverly/Danielle was kind of ordering her around and she seemed like she wasn't going to take Beverly/Danielle's sh*t. I hope that is the case anyway. Poor things. I really hope that the other sane, non-disturbed adults in these two beautiful girls lives step up to the plate and help these two little girls.

On tonights episode Beverly/Angela/Danielle is looking for her via a PI and she instructs the PI that if he finds her birth mother and she is homeless that he to not make contact with her birth mother. Skeletor (Beverly/Danielle) said that she is not looking for her birth mother to help her birth mother she is looking for her to help herself. Holy fing sh*t! I actually could not believe that she said that on national TV. I mean the bi*ch probably thinks it, because apparently that is the type of person she is, but to admit it on national TV? I guess this just confirms that indeed she definitely has a black heart.

On to the other Guidette on the Joisey Housewives....apparently T spent over 60k in three months....these three fing months happen to be directly after she and her hub filed for bankruptcy. WTF?? Here is the link.... http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/08/exclusive-nj-housewife-spent-60000-after-filing-bankruptcy-auction-her-belongings

Un-Friggin-Believable! Where do these people come from?

[suz]

I didn't watch tonite
Danielle really said that about her birth mother - what a cold hearted bitch.
She should be contacting her birth mother for her medical history homeless or not.
Odd that she would even think her mother would be homeless-
She is horrible person

[Maria]

Suz, I totally agree with you about Beverly/Danielle. And yes, she really said that about her birth mother. Specific instructions were given to the PI that in the event he found her birth mother and she was homeless she did not want him under any circumstances to make contact with her birth mother.

Like I said, Skeletor (Beverly/Danielle) went on to say that she was not searching for her biological mother to help her biological mother, she was searching for her biological mother to help herself. Like you said, what a nasty b*tch!

[Michele]

Maria, Albert "Tiny" Manzo was found shot to death in the trunk of his car in 1983. He was Al's father and Caroline's father-in-law.

Supposedly he was in with a made man in a casino or something and possibly stole some mob money. No kidding.

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/2009/04/27/2009-04-27_family_has_ties_to_rubbed_out_tiny_manzo.html

"The 350-pound mobster took four slugs to his torso. His naked body - the arms and legs bound in plastic - was discovered in the trunk of his parked Lincoln-Continental outside a supermarket in Hillside, N.J.

The killing was never solved."

Yeah, I'll bet it was never solved. Anyway. The father, Tiny, owned the Brownstone before his death and it went to his family once he died.

[Supra Shoes]

Don makes a pass at his friend’s niece in California, a student at Berkeley. The scene insists on history, and the burgeoning anti-Vietnam movement (she says that she understands why the students are sitting in), as well Don’s diminishing powers. They don’t sleep together after he becomes distressed sdfover the mortality of his friend, Anna. It is no coincidence that the 1964-5 season embodies drastic change and depression in Don’s life, for his decline mirrors his generation’s.