The Real Housewives of NYC. Anyone up for a quickie?

Sometimes a quickie is all you need and hopefully a quickie will suffice for my latest  RHONYC posting.  Quickie, quickie, quickie.  Let's get it on and let's get it on quickly.....

Ramona continues to prove she's bat sh*t crazy as her "renewal" tour bulldozes ahead.  This new-Ramona seems to have been unleashed by getting a shorter haircut and saying it makes her look like Cameron Diaz's sister.  Ah ha ha ha ha ha!  Sorry, I've composed myself now.  Her renewal process also includes selling some crap jewelry and her repackaged Jergens lotion which is called Tru Renewal or some sh*t like that, and, and, and it's also about renewing her vows to what has to be the most patient man in the world- her husband Mario.  Ramona took her 14-ish year old daughter Avery for a very staged luncheon and I'm not sure if Ramona was: struck by lightning, stung by a swarm of bees, or just drank 50 shots of espresso prior to that scene.  Her eyes were 50 times wilder than usual as she informed Avery that she and Mario were going to be renewing their vows and asked her daughter if she would be the maid of honor.  This is how Ramona looked during that exchange.

Avery will certainly grow up to be a therapist as she stayed rational and focused as Ramona nervously stammered on about how she's in a renewal process.  I had a commenter recently speculate that Ramona may be renewing/ rejuvenating her lady bits as well.  Gulp!  The thought of that could sober up the most intoxicated person. 

The Bethenny and Jill fight has gone on way, way too f*cking long and I'm officially sick of it.  I don't have a side or an opinion other than these two clearly aren't friends and clearly are being ridiculous for the cameras.

Kelly is retarded.

Sonja is an interesting addition to the cast.

Alex and Simon seem really normal and rational and like good friends to the other crazies on this show. 

Luann's song, yes song, has been leaked and if you want to feel like Ramona in my above painting, then click here.  It defies belief.

I know this was brief so I'll ask you my hilarious readers to cover the wacky shenanigans in more details.  Please comment away........

Ramona painting completed with india ink, pen, and gouache on 9" x 12" hot pressed watercolor paper and it's for sale on my etsy shop here.

Here's my video tribute from having drawn these gals for the last three seasons.  You can click here to see the full sized video.

xoxo

Comments

[Bryan]

To Quote Fred Mertz, and this aimed at Ramoner, "She need to be put back in her cage before she foams at the mouth and bites someone!"

[Bryan]

PS...here is a photo of from Breakfast at Tiffanys with Audrey, George Peppard looking so hot and Patricia Neal as the Sonyak More-gain of 1961

enjoy!!!

http://media.syracuse.com/entertainment/photo/breakfast-at-tiffanysjpg-85e3a0328a78897b_large.jpg

[brittany]

that was awesome, sometimes a quickie is great! haha. i love crazy ramona, she makes the rhonyc watchable and sonia is a man eating, full of herself bitch and i love it. i agree about bethenny and jill, i'm so effing over their fake drama. kelly is an idiot and luann's song, wow there are no words for that. it's horrible. delightfully horrific. if rupaul would have recorded it i would adore it.

[Bob]

I forgot my glasses when I began reading and I thought you said Ramonacoaster asked Avery to be her maid of "horror".
That sounded about right.
BTW I'm Team Bethenny.
Jill Zarin can suck it. =)

[Pattaya Girls]

Is the Real wives NY show on any torrent sites ? i'd like to dl and take a look :-)

[Bryan]

You can see them on HULU I watched an episode there that I missed

[Sarah]

I am in Europe and can't figure out how to get the Hulu mirror sites to work here. I get the episodes from thepiratebay.org...I live my life in fear that the one person who uploads will punk out and I will be forced to...I don't know what I would do, I don't want to think about it.

I had to leave for work today ten minutes into the most recent episode. I am having trouble focusing, so troubled am I by the Housewhitus Interruptus.

I just wish I had my own elevator. Then my life would be perfect.

[dbr]

Let's face it. Reality TV has jumped the shark over and over now and Heidi Montags and Jill Zarins are manufactured products who are over produced and scripted like corp shills. The drama is way over-amped and everybody is in on the scam. Surreality TV.

When Ramona's tween daughter Avery ordered an off-the-menu chef's special lunch item with arugala, prosciutto and black truffle oil drizzle....well...come on.

Am I supposed to take this shit seriously anymore?

[dbr]

arug*u*la - pardonne moi, Avery.

[Mary Claire]

Ugga Bugga! This whole RHONY is getting crazy - and the teasers make it look Out OF Control!

I agree w/ the general consensus that the Bethenny/Jill fight should be over. I am Team Zarin, but as even Jill doesn't try to defend her actions, I won't bother to either. I am curious though, why exactly is Bethenny the wounded puppy here? When did she ever admit any wrongdoing, and what has Jill done so horrible to her? Every time she tries to "sit down" with Jill, all she does is spout off the litany of Jill's sins. They both acted poorly, neither is a victim - get over it.

I will say though, that I am now 100% convinced that Bethenny has carefully orchestrated her entire involvement with the franchise this season. She announced her engagement at the Gotham party, but allegedly is "keeping the secret" of her pregnancy. PUH-Lease! The "Skinny Girl" wasn't hiding any bebes in that dress. It was obvious that she's pregnant, and b/c the other housewives didn't address it, I'm sure they were in on it.

Anyway - I apologize for my ventacious rant. My husband tries, but he is not a good enough substitute for the comment section of your blog, DG. Glad to see you back w/ your quickie, and I am sure we are all awaiting that vacay blow-up w/ bated breath.

[Bryan]

I want to see this show turn into something like Dynasty, I want a cliff-hanger finale with. Jill and Bethanny at some gala at the plaza getting into a fight and both of them tumbling over the balcony.

I want Kelly trapped in a burning cabin with Ramoner because Kelly has had an affair with Mario. And Avery is the one who set it ablaze because she's had enough of crazy.and she wants Da Da to herself.

I want the Countess to fly to Paris where she goes to meet her young hot bullfighter lover who she believes has plans on proposing to her. But just when she think's he is the one who is summoning her to the top of the Eiffle tower, much to her shock when she reaches the top it's the Ex husband Count, who' Wants her back.

I want Alex and Simon who's book has gotten rave reviews all over the world to be optioned as a Television series on NBC ( bravo parent company) Which will star Debra Messing as Alex and Ricky Gervais as Simon

And as for the newest Housewife Soyak Mor-gain, She takes a lover a up and coming writer and sets him up in a apartment downtown where he can work on his first novel and not have to worry about petty things like making ends meet.

Yes this is how I want my RHNYC kinda desperate like but without the suburbs

[Meghan]

you are too funny!

[TeamGretchen]

Oh Bryan, I can't wait to watch your show! Love it.

I've missed this weeks espisode so I have nothing to add. The quicky was perfect and to the point "kelly is retarded", lol, no need to say more.

[jane]

I want what Bryan wants!!!!

[Suz]

Luann's song is very 70's disco.
I was waiting for Donna Summer's "Last Dance" to come on next.
I also wouldn't call talking through a song singing or even a song.
I will go out on a limb and predict no one other than family will buy this song (even for 99 cents)

Bravo casting is amazing.
Where do they come up with all these incredible superficial nut jobs?

How Did Ramona and Mario raise a normal child?
and Luann for the matter with her kids.

These couples must have had great nannies.

David, You have been a genius at getting the jest of all the housewives and thus should receive a Nobel Prize in Art and Literature.

[trinity]

I watched an RHONJ interview this morning. Apparently Bravo goes into a salon & ask if they know a group of girls who are "over the top" that hang out together. I guess that is how they find them.

[LA]

Again, another great post from you. I never watched any of the 'Housewives' series until I started reading your blog...I'm hooked and I can't wait until you recap the show...LOVE YOU! Also, HATE the new song by LuAnn, totally sucks, she can't sing, it's almost as bad as big-titty blonde boob on the "Housewives of Alanta"

P.S. I love reading all the comments from the posters too...you guys are tooooo funny!!

[bravofan diane]

David - sometimes unexpected spur of the moment quickies are extremely satisfying - you have proven that fact.

To steal a line from Teresa of RHONJ - I LOVE LOVE LOVE the video. (Blowing kisses.)Had to turn off the sound to finish watching it though, because that horrible noise was very distracting. The silent version is hilarious though, you are a genius.
As for your quickie points - you are on target with every word. Kelly is retarded. So true. The fight is ridiculous. Of course.

Simon and Alex - I am typing this with one hand as I try to desperately try to hold onto my tilted world with the other. Simon and Alex = good friends to everyone around them? Simon and Alex = rational? Simon and Alex = likeable? How in the world did that happen?

Ramona is my new favorite. She is wacky as all hell but anyone who can make money selling re-packaged Jergens is my hero. I hope she never learns to think before she speaks. I love how she stirs up shit wherever she goes. I wanted to give her a high-five when she asked retarded Kelly if she was fixing those wonky boobs.

So much to say about Kelly, Jill, and Countess. But they already get more attention than they deserve.

Sonja - interesting for now, but I think she will get boring pretty fast. I'm still happy she feels no need to kiss the mean girls asses.

Once again, David - thank you for the laughs - and for giving us a place to vent. The Real Housewives shows are my guilty pleasure - no one but you and your fans understand.

I know I was all over the place here but thanks for being there, all of you!

[Moll]

Yikes! Those are some pretty stilted lyrics the countess is bellowing. Is she trying to sell the idea of manners a la School House Rock? I wonder if Letitia Baldrige would approve of countess Luann?

ps--Love your portraits!

[Rebekah]

I have to agree with Suz . . . . David should receive a Nobel Prize in Art and Literature. Pure Genius!

(OMG! I can't stop laughing at the drawing of Kelly modeling for her invite. LMAO!)

[Blisterina]

Dear god. Imagine being an infant looking up at that face. Poor Avery -- potential therapist or ticking timebomb?

DG, your video with that song should be the official release!

[Suz]

Blisterina,
I am waiting for the Mommy Dearest book from Avery

[Blisterina]

Suz --

Now that's a Bravolebrity book I'd buy! (Well, check out from the library, at least.)

[Virginia]

Luann should have thought about her children. Her kids will be heckled in school for this rubbish; far more than Kelly's kids would be over Playboy.

[Luluduc]

Would love to see a tasefully noir-ish video of Mario or Simon trying RaMOANer's repackaged Jergen's for a quick rub-out before venturing out for the evening.

[Michele]

Suz, Rebekah, totally. Nobel Prize for the win. For humanity's sake.

Virginia. Do you remember when they were talking about how asinine Kelly in Playboy would be? Those poor kids. The divorce is something any kid can get over. This song? Not happening.

Paging Dr. Avery. We've got a few new patients for you.

[Michele]

These comments are so hysterical it's almost the whole point of watching for me personally.

Bryan, whatever you want I want. The Ramona, synonymous with crazy, part is that I think it's entirely plausible that a few of these ideas have been bandied about at RHW corporate headquarters.

[Michele]

As far as the show goes. Here's what I heard between Crazy Eyes and Avery.

CE: This is what I'm doing and this is what I want.
A: I'm not sure. It makes me uncomfortable. Can I do this instead?
CE: This is what I'm doing and this is what I want.
A: Yeah, but why do I have to go along?
CE: This is what I'm doing and this is what I want.
... repeat 10 times.
A: Okay, fine.
CE: Having you taught ME how to truly give and receive love unconditionally.
A: That's great for you, mom. Are we done now? I have work to do and I really don't want to be on this fucking show at all since it makes school completely unbearable.
CE: I love you so much sweetheart. Looking into your face and your eyes I see the most perfect reflection of my most divine self.
A: I love you too.

[Bryan]

From last night's fiasco, it seemed Ramoner was back on her meds because she was pretty coherent and docile and even helpful.

I want to see La Contessa bad-ass punch out Alex for what happend with Jill, not that I think, Madame Zarin has brought on alot of this herself, I just want to see Contessa kick some ass.

I love the preview for next week where she says to Alex, "Who made you God?" and the look on Alex's face LOL!!!! that whole episode's going to be good.

Oh didn't you love Son-Yak's fortune teller LOL!!!!

[dbr]

Alex and Simon cooooouldn't resist....They had to get their camera time.

Now Alex has to get in on the drama and use Bethany's problems with Jill to vent her own problems with Jill.

Ridiculous. Absurd. Silex were the last of the normals and the abandoned sanity for the canned melodrama. Disappointing.

And I don't know who is worse: Jill or Bethany. Neither one seems to notice the collision course they are on.

And LuAnn is a backstabbing viper.

And I want to kick each and every one of those little snapping dogs.

'nuff said.

[dbr]

Sonya's fortune teller was indeed a special moment and kind of a let-down for me. I thought Sonya had more sense.

Not that Ramoaner getting all up her "Doctor's" ass about lack of credentials bugged me too much.

But that whackjob psychic feeding Sonya's ego was kind of hard to watch.

Why can't you just throw money away on QVC like a normal person, Sonya?

And Simon on the Aftershow??? Whoaboy...More squandered respect. He was a complete asshole on Andy's show. Alex looked GOOD. Simon was a 3 ring assclown circus. Awkward and uncomfortable for all involved. Even Andy looked flustered.

Whaddamess!

[Bryan]

The real mess of Andy's tacky after-show was that foul skank from Atlanta that Kim thing who was working a serious SERIOUS tranny vibe last night via SKYPE

I wanted Simon to really give it to her what a beast she is!!! but then that whole Atlanta brigade is the low rent version of this franchise.

[dbr]

I like Simon on the show. Don't get me wrong. I find him to be well-spoken, cautious with condemnations and a decent husband.

And Alex gets a little weird when her emotions get amped up. You can see that she sstruggles with conflict.

Simon just was very very awkward on Watch What Happens. Squirrelly.

Kim is just another in a loooong list of attention whores who will do and say anything to get airtime.

Yeah, Tardy for the Party really speaks to me but Money Can't Buy Class is like a whole other vibe. Too dancey.

Uh...they could easily be played back to back and annoy all the same people.

[omg]

money can't buy you class sucks- the count and his family must be dying

[Bryan]

I'm waiting for this tune to show up on next season's "Ru Paul's Drag Race" Its meant to be Lip Synched to.

and they need to get Lu Ann for a guest judge.

[I'm ashamed I love this show]

I really identified with Avery on this episode. Through Gods grace I was blessed with the ability to 'check out' of my families insanity and look at it with a mix of disgust and distance. I feel Avery and I share that.

In years to come, she will calmly retell horrifying stories to friends and family who will gasp, buy her drinks and honestly wonder how the f*&k she turned out so gronded.
Go team AVERY!

[Liz]

In this crazy, mixed up, out of control world, you make me laugh. Thank you!!