I give you "snow bunny" Vicki from the OC Housewives on the slopes of Whistler, BC Canada. This was seconds after she screamed that her cast mate Lauri was "A piece of trash!!!!!!!!!!!!!" That octave-defying screech certainly caused at least five avalanches. #slapmefordrawingthis
This is Heather from The Real Housewives of Orange County watching in horror as her castmates were being aggressively-dry-humped by a collection of male strippers at Tamra's Puerto Vallarta Bachelorette party. (I had that same expression during that scene.) And those strippers, I'd say, weren't exactly the fantasy crew. This was drawn very quickly with pencil, ink, and marker in about 15 minutes..... Which was like doing a warmup before I start working on some real art today. Have a great day.
Here's our sweet and dignified Vicki from the Real Housewives of Orange County going to town on a penis-pop in Puerto Vallarta. Why? Why not! Sorry, but this season is boring and no amount of "girl's" trips or fake fights or 50 year old women simulating oral on a gay pride-colored confection can help. Well, the last part may help a pinch.
Tonight's episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County hasn't even ended and I'm posting a drawing of my sweet Vicki. Woo Hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In this paused moment, Vicki is lamenting the long distance (5 mile) relationship with her boyfriend Brooks. Right before posting this, I threw myself down a flight of stairs and smacked my face with a rolled-up newspaper for drawing these reality TV people. I'm all swolled-up so I look just like one of them. :)
Lauri Waring Peterson with her freshly-refurbished face made a triumphant reentry on tonight's Real Housewives of Orange County. I'm only about 10 minutes into the show but had to hit pause on my dvr remote to do this quick sketch. Please, someone..... anyone.... slap me for drawing this shit!
Here are Lydia, Alexis, and Vicki at the forced and ridiculous pre-opening party for Tamra's damaged hair rehab center. Tamra is set to launch a clinic for used and abused blond hair in Orange County and certainly the lines will back up all the way to the 405 freeway..... Ok, Tamra is really opening a gym but if she were smart (cough, what, cough) she'd include a deep conditioning area because a few of them are featuring some seriously rough hair. Not sure why, but Vicki this season looks like she styled her hair during a stage five hurricane. I think her hair is a clear indicator of what's going on in her personal life. Tamra's hair looks like if someone sneezed really hard near her, all that fried mess would fly off in one big clump. I'd call that texture thatch. And real quick about Alexis--- that augmented moose chose to be on a show where people fight. For that inflatable toy to say that the other women are bullying her minimizes the pain, isolation, and trauma that a true victim has felt.
Lydia is just collateral damage her.
Was just going to leave this a black and white drawing but I couldn't help myself. Someone, please, slap me for drawing these women. But be warned, if you do slap me--- I'm going to claim bullying.
The OC gals were still in Costa Rica this week and behaving as badly as possible. Tamra and Gretchen were acting like drunken sorority girls on spring break: constantly belting out a party yowl while flashing their boobs. Vicki was an emotional roller coaster: woo-hooing one minute then the next crying and saying they were going to be dead one day. ??? Heather kept it together though with a look at all times like, 'what am I doing on this show? Being on here better lead to another sitcom.' And then there's Alexis, poor Alexis. Here she is during her "pretentious intervention" in Costa Rica.
That intervention lead by Tamra had all the subtlety of a closed-fist punch in the face or a direct kick to the crotch with a steel-toed boot. Personally I'd have taken a different approach with Alexis. Perhaps a "pretentiousness encouragement" or a "pretentious enhancement" session. To me, she's at her best while simultaneously discussing: Jesus, her husband/king, their fleet of cars, her jewelry, her "couture" clothing line for strippers, their various homes, her competitive parenting ability, and her size triple J (for Jesus) implants.
I chose that still of Alexis to draw because it was such an odd mix of elements: that softball sized ring, those enormous furled filler lips, that avalanche of extensions, that sparkle eyeshadow, and anytime someone is crying while wearing fake eyelashes--- I'm intrigued. It's sad, glamorous, and weird which I find to be a good mix. It's a Lexitini served straight up a side of white elephant. :)
Drawing of Alexis completed with ink, pen, and marker on paper with digital color.
The OC gals decided to take a trip to Costa Rica which means it's time for out-of-the-country-crazy and that can often be the very best kind. This is an aside--- I've flown from LA to San Jose, Costa Rica and it's a little over 5 hours. So why the women all had to fly to Miami to meet Vicki and then fly to Costa Rica making it an eleven travel time is beyond me. Was Vicki being held for ransom? I don't get it. Does Vicki need the support of four contractually-obligated women while travelling internationally? Personally, I'd be annoyed but then again if Bravo was flipping the bill for my vacation time--- I'd buck up and go along for the ride. The gals behaved for the most part like over the hill spring breakers--- screaming and wooping it up and begging for attention all while dressed like sorority girls in Cancun. I will say that Heather stood apart in terms of style and behavior and she offered some of the best elements to the show. When Vicki was woo-hooing and screaming that her "love tank" was full, Heather appropriately responded 'what?' with a wtf sort of tone. After more screaming and drinking and odd outfit choices, the gals ended up zip-lining which looks like a blast. An absolute blast. There was some stud working the zip-line station and seemingly without asking he braided Alexis's horse tail of extensions and it triggered the best reaction from Vicki.
Bless you Vicki..... don't ever stop doing what you do. This is another aside, Costa Rica was colonized by Spain over 500 years ago and that equals hot. Let me tell you, the Costa Ricans as a population are very attractive---- I'm generalizing but hopefully doing that in a complimentary way is alright. So that Costa Rica stud braided Alexis's mane of Cabbage Patch doll extensions and put her in a harness and she winced, wheezed, and seemed to fully enjoy the treatment. Note to self: next time I go back there I'll hot glue gun some fried blond doll hair to my head so I can get man-handled by the zip-line dude. But I digress......
Further nonsense ensued and then we ended up at what we were waiting for--- the Alexis pretentiousness-intervention. If you know this show, then you know Alexis likes to talk about what they have: tons of expensive cars, one giant house after the next, mountains of jewelry, and other stuff and most of the other cast mates have had enough. In a previous episode, Heather's adorable husband Terry let it slip that thought Alexis was phony. A judgement yes, but it was clear he was being funny in a candid moment. Tamra seizing that little nugget of judgement showcased Terry's opinion to Alexis during their meeting last week. Anyone else want to stun-gun themselves right about now? So at that Costa Rican dinner table as the gals assembled it was obvious there was tension..... something needed to be addressed. One might say there was an "elephant" in the room or even a "pink elephant" and that of course would be that fact that Terry had rendered a harsh opinion about her. Alexis said there was a "white elephant" in the room, not a pink one or even a regular one....... a white one. :) Heather did a good job at being clear about her opinion of Alexis's behavior and Tamra really went hard with hers. Gretchen, who's typically on Alexis's side, agreed with the women she can come off phony. Alexis said that yes, they have a lot of cars and art and that her husband Jim has made money off buying and selling cars and Vicki said she wouldn't weigh in on the topic and that lasted about two seconds and the she weighed in. As the fighting continued, I really stopped caring. I was just thinking that Alexis said there was a "white elephant" in the room and this is coming off the previous episode when she said Costa Rica was in Mexico. :) Oh Alexis, I'm so happy you're on this show.
Here's my depiction of Alexis and the white elephant.
It's drawn with ink on grey paper and colored in photoshop. While on the topic of Alexis, please have a look at my site Jesus Barbie. :) And check out my facebook page too if you like.