Pretty On The Outside

“Faye walks up to a situation that has nothing to do with her..........

........ and puts her d**k on the table.”  Thank you Brandi Glanville for this quote.  Bullseye!  So good I had to illustrate it.

Unpixelated image in the second half of the post.  It's NSFW though.

R.I.P. Kim Richards nose.

If you watch the RHOBH (it's ok.... this is a safe space) then you know last night we bid farewell to Kim Richard's nose. Poor, loopy, dazed, rattled Kim.... Now that she's sober (?), her big priority was to get a nose job. Hmmmmmmm does having a procedure which comes with pain meds seem like a good idea to someone who clearly has substance abuse issues? Regardless I've always had a sick fondness for those pre-surgery images where the doctor has pen-marked their guidelines. Today's drawing is Kim with her marked snout. Side note: wasn't it fun seeing the return of season 1 Camille? She's been so tame and scripted since season 2 began.

Drawing of Kim completed with micron pens and indian ink on watercolor paper

Paris Hilton on RHOBH

On last night's RHOBH we were treated to a visit by Paris Hilton, Kyle's niece. (That's Kyle on the left.) It was just a couple years ago that this particular franchise began and at the time, sadly and oddly Paris was too big to appear. But now as no one gives a flying shit about her, she'll slum it to pedal some nonsense. She dropped the most unbelievable turd bomb when she declared she was "closing" for JLO at a concert. HA HA HA!!!!!! I laughed for about an hour at that. Closing? You mean when they turn the stadium lights on and the custodians begin cleaning. Oh Paris, you actually gave your best performance in this bomb of a guest spot. 
Drawing done with ink and marker on paper and a dab of digital color. Also, isn't it funny she is (was) considered hot?

Taylor Armstrong painted with MAC Cosmetics.

I hit pause on my dvr remote as fish-lipped Taylor Armstrong from the Real Housewives of BH snuck a peak at the impossible spastic medium/ clairvoyant she'd enlisted to cleanse the negativity from her home. That medium (who's a size large at least) flinched, flailed, and twitched like she was being stung by bees as she spritzed fabreze and prayed the evil away. I did a quick pencil sketch and then colored it using watercolor and mac cosmetics: paint sticks, eyeshadow, pigments......She's for sale here:https://www.etsy.com/listing/118520229/taylor-armstrong-from-the-real

Related articles

Adrienne Maloof painted.... in MAC cosmetics.

The Real Housewives of ATL. Meet Kenya.

Taylor Armstrong done in MAC!

Taylor Armstrong painted with MAC Cosmetics.

Taylor Armstrong painted with MAC Cosmetics.

Last night I watched an almost entirely unlikable group of reality TV women (The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills): socialize, fight, binge-drink, get spa treatments, arm wrestle, and then a couple of them kissed. I hit pause on my dvr remote as this silly-putty-mouthed woman made a face like a fish fighting a hook. Did a quick pencil sketch and then colored it in using MAC acrylics. Why? Why not? :)

Adrienne Maloof painted.... in MAC cosmetics.

I'm powerless to resist frozen-faced reality tv stars passive-aggressively fighting over nothing. I hit pause on my dvr remote as Adrian Maloof, who looks like she's storing bags of walnuts in her cheeks, fought with Brandi, who is her match in terms of facial immobility. I did a quick sketch and then colored it in with MAC cosmetics: chromacake, full coverage foundation, paint sticks, pigments, eyeshadows..... :).

Taylor Armstrong done in MAC!

This is a little different..... Watching Taylor Armstrong's ice rink frozen-face on RHOBH as she went from anger to laughter to tears to who knows was definitely entertaining in a sad sick way. I hit pause on my dvr remote and did a quick pen sketch. Today I colored it in all with mac cosmetics: foundation, paint sticks, eyeliner, eyeshadow and blush. First time working like this. Fun stuff!

Lisa Vanderpump's float for Sur restaurant wins my vote for best in show at LA Gay Pride.

The title of this posting basically says it all.  Yesterday was LA's Pride parade and there were a couple Bravolebrities in the mix.  NeNe Leakes was looking rather understated but pretty as she was rode in a car with the slogan "The New Normal" plastered on the side.  I believe that's her new show.  Shortly after she passed, a vision in fuchsia wisked by.  Driven by her husband Ken, the float for Sur restaurant and Lounge turned it out.  To back track a moment..... there are a number of fun flashy floats at these pride parades.  Usually it's a bounty of scantily clad gym-built hotties dancing around and fist pumping the sky.  Seemingly there's little thought put into these large splashy vehicles--- it's just an eye-candy buffet and I'm not complaining.  But like a breath of fresh British air, Lisa's float was all things right.  As I mentioned, her husband Ken was driving and a female passenger who wasn't recognizable from the show held their dog Jiggy.  This woman was waving Jiggy's paw to the crowd.  On the back of this fuchsia explosion was Miss Vanderpump in a Grecian looking gown and a huge hat.  She looked beautiful.  Dancing wildly next to her was that wacky wedding planner "Chi, Chi, Chi..... million dollar wedding..... Chi, Chi, Chi!"  It was almost too much to take in.  My focus was about as scattered, overwhelmed, and unsure of where to look as possible.  On top of the float and surrounding it was a platoon of studs in fuchsia cotton briefs and metallic riding helmets with a ploom of feathers shooting out the top.  And the best thing is they were all doing a very fun choreography.  It was lite, fluffy, fun, well-considered perfection.  Well done Miss Vanderpump!  The crappy thing is in the frenzy of trying to soak it all in, I fumbled with my phone and attempted a number of pictures.  Mostly it was that wedding planner's arm flinging around covering Lisa's face.  The only one that came out is below.  Fun fun!

The Maloof Hoof

Last night was the first of a three part reunion spectacle in which the Beverly Hills housewives gathered to passive aggressively face this season's issues.  A number of topics were brought up but the one that seemed far and away the height of bullshit was Lisa Vanderpump's innocent nickname for Adrienne Maloof's new shoe line.  That Maloof woman seems to be richer than sin and fairly level headed so I wondered what she was doing on this show.  Now I suppose we understand.  It's so she can introduce a bullshit line of shoes.  Shoes which, if you google them, are either complete Louboutin rip-offs or some kind of terrible Payless version of drag queens giving career-girl realness.  So Lisa in one of those cutaway interview scenes referred to her shoe line as "The Maloof Hoof" which I think is pretty funny.  But Adrienne certainly didn't.  It's as though Lisa said Adrienne's children looked inbred.  Lisa replied that that term was meant to be cute as though to say they were "fat little shoes."  You could probably call that Maloof woman the c word and she wouldn't blink, but say "fat" and them's fightin words!  

Fat?  Fat!  Fat?!  FAT!!!!!!!  Adrienne's head nearly exploded at that slanderous comment.  Then Lisa attempted reasoning with Adrienne and tried pretending she liked her terrible shoes by saying she did want to purchase a pair in pink.

Pink?  Pink!  Pink?!  Pink!!!!!  According to Adrienne they were nude, not pink.  It's as though Lisa had told her to fuck off on national television.  HA!  So in honor of Lisa Vanderpump, I give you The Maloof Hoof and yes, it's pink...... not nude. 

Not sure if I have the stomach to weigh in on the other reunion shows as I'm saving all my love for those sun-damaged OC gals.  Oh Vicki...... how I've missed drawing you.

:)

The Maloof Hoof is drawn with pen on paper and colored in photoshop.  

If you like this, please click on over to my fb page.  Thanks!

Ken and Kim on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills are a psa on not doing drugs.

Ok, this is posting number two today and I'm fading fast.  Like really, really fast.  As I sit on a mountain of Kleenex and Cold-Eeze lozenge wrappers with an ice pack on my head, I'm about to give in and take some more dayquil.  I'm trying to stick to the recommended amount for fear of acting, appearing, behaving like Kim Richards and that yuck glob of a boyfriend.  What in the f*#k is wrong with those two?  What are they on?  I'm sick as a dog but if there was a Bravo camera rolling in front of me, I'm pretty sure I could pull it together long enough to fake my way through a scene.  My apologies but that's about all I have to give right now.........  Off to medicate and sleep.

Illustration of Ken and Kim completed with pen, ink, and marker on paper with a pinch of digital color.