Slade Smiley's comedy routine hurt me.

I'm about to ramble.....  My very good friend who I'll refer to as Bo works at this ultra fancy med spa in Beverly Hills--- it's a destination for tons of celebs.  Bo called me yesterday morning because they were doing a demonstration of this new laser which gets rid of spider veins and other such issues and the patient who they'd scheduled couldn't make it.  So I stepped in.  It was my first time in there and it's fancy-- like you'd expect a dermatologist to the star's facility would be.  The staff were all these hot 30 something year old women who looked like either Cameron Diaz or Demi Moore. Even though I'm a vampire when it comes to the sun and drench myself in tons of sunscreen, I still have/ had some spider veining around my nostrils and a few red specks here and there on my face.  A consent form later and I was being zapped by a group of milfs and I couldn't have been happier.  Well.... it did hurt a little, like a bee sting mixed with electricity to be exact but hey, dem spider veins and red spots are gone!  The base of my nose and the zapped areas were bright red for about an hour after the procedure and they applied some of that after-treatment shiny ointment onto those places.  I felt so LA!  So extreme makeover blogger edition.  I was so pleased with my shiny, red, post-procedure self that I went and got self-serve frozen yogurt in West Hollywood and I felt like I blended right in.  It's not so unusual to see people in various stages of "recovery" in LA and Orange County.  Why am I bringing all this up?  Well, I suppose that that experience made me feel closer somehow to these OC gals and all the treatments they seem to get.  :)  

And while I'm rambling, let me continue by saying that I drank almost a whole bottle of wine by myself while watching this week's episode.  I had to.  I'd be shocked if anyone could make it thru that sober.  I didn't take any notes or anything so I'm just going to type away and see what happens...............  I think the show started with Tamra going to visit Vicki.  They made breakfast and small talk and seemed like they got their friendship back on track.  Or did they?  Vicki isn't taking too kindly to Tamra's new friendship with Gretchen.  Tamra seems a little off to me this season, like the weight of her life is really taking its toll.  My friend Tim messaged me that he thinks she has mental problems or is just perhaps a bad drunk.  I'm not a doctor or a therapist but I am a bad drunk so I can't judge.  Her walk and talk with Eddie and their dinner seems to point to her hesitancy about their future.  I think it's wise that she takes her time and not rush into being a "housewife" again unless that's what she wants.  And it doesn't seem like she does.  But she is a housewife....  I don't know what I'm saying.  :-)

I'd like to discuss Heather, the new New Yorker housewife.  Remember, she's from New York.  I used a rather harsh word last posting to describe her and let me rephrase that--- she comes across as a bragging, cold, self-involved, aggressive, condescending lady.  That's what I meant when I used the c word last time.  She and Alexis went for a lady's lunch or a lady's mid-day drink and I believe Alexis was wearing Alexis Couture.  Am I remembering correctly that she names each dress to give it an identity?  If she does, this dress would be named Sad Sleazy Sally.  It was like a gateway garment and the next step is prostitution.  On the tragic trajectory of a downhill apparel spiral it goes: Ann Taylor Loft, Alexis Couture, torn ill-fitting spandex dress worn without underwear.  :)  I can't remember what exactly Heather was saying to Alexis but it was all from the place of being the judge.  Like Alexis was coming to her to get her approval.  And she didn't get it.  I almost felt bad for Alexis because she was squirmy and seemed at a loss for words as Heather used her harsh New Yorkness to jab at her.  Sad Sleazy Sad was defenseless.  

Ok, let's get right down to the main event.  Slad Smiley launched his new career as a comedian and if you saw it you know discomfort.  What in the world?  His thrusting crotch scarred my sensibilities. My sensibilities were like my nose right after that gathering of milfs zapped it with the laser.  At least I got some soothing ointment to apply to my nose, I had to smooth my sensibilities with cabernet during his routine.  It was just bad.  It was just really bad and aggressive and weird.  The best part was that awkward up-light that was being cast on Heather, Terry, Jim, and Alexis.  It made a harsh yet fun shadow on the top of Heather's chip-monk cheeks.  I can't remember what exactly Slade said to make Heather look at the camera but I hit pause on my TIVO, grabbed a pen and quickly sketched her demented Looney Tunes expression. 

In all fairness, I think I had that same look of my face during his entire routine.  I'm making that face right now reliving his "taking aim" and pounding his hips aggressively towards his would-be targets.  And his mom was in the audience!  Poor woman.  Oh, I'm remembering Heather told Alexis that she's done stand-up before and it's really difficult.  I'm wondering what else Heather will reveal she's done?  I know she's an: actress, singer, and soon to be restauranteur... but what else?  Fire circus aerialist?  Juggler?  Magician?  Dermataologist to the stars?  Did Heather zap my nose yesterday?  I'm so confused!  And now I must go..........

I know I didn't go indepth about Slade's performance and that's because it was sad and weird.  And now Gretchen has to deal with the aftermath.  I'm sure he's getting lots of press though and really what he's "taking aim at."  

Until we meet again.......

Drawing of Heather completed with pen on paper and digital color. 

Also, have a look here:
http://www.jesusbarbie.com/

Comments

[Ilia]

I think Heather looks alot like the Grinch.

Or maybe she's related to that "prostitution how-ah" from RHONJ?

[Karyn]

Brave soul to watch Slade's decent into obscurity. There isn't enough wine in the world. I hate watching someone embarrass themselves on purpose. This season is so weird. Everything seems terribly staged. Even Vicki seems to be mugging for the camera...doing her "Vicki" look that you have captured so well. I'm wondering if this is the end of the OC Houswives. Sigh. As always, you're an amazing artist, captured chipmunk cheeks in all her glorious up-lighting! :o)

[Debbie]

It actually hurt to watch this episode! I agree with Karyn that this season is....STAGED. I love this web site.

[chris g]

I just can't do it anymore....thanks for doing it for me...they are all such a waste of good flesh.

[Bryan]

I like what Heather does but I like a good high flying bitch especially one that knows how to play the other silly dumb ones, like I said somewhere else watching Heather with Duck Face was like watching a Panther having lunch with a Goose

[Toni G]

I have to say that my favorite person on this show right now is Slade's mother. I love her candor...like when he told her that he was going to propose to Gretchen and his mother's response was Nooo!

[Cindy from TO]

Not even watching RHOC this season. Traylor from ROBH took all the fun out of watching the franchises for me. (And any sense of decency seemed to be compromised by watching it - which in some sick universe seemed to condone her behavior and storyline. Felt like a needed to shower after watching her. Also? Her "Doctor" was evidence of a new low in licensing criteria in US (or the state of Cali?) for psychiatrists...er...psychologists...um...I meant Osteopaths, of course! (Hypocritic oath and all ;-) )
No, darling, I'm on here just to read your blogs, ever devoted as I am. Best newly coined term in POTO-speak? Two words: "Gateway garment"!!!!!!!!
Hope it makes its way onto Urbandictionary.com

Big hugs,

Cindy from TO

[Christi]

If Heather doesn't order a print of your drawing of her, she has lost her mind! It is perfection!