There have been many battles waged over the years: David vs Goliath, the North vs the South, Coke vs Pepsi, Madonna vs GaGa, and of course, Tamra vs Gretchen. Sigh. Yes the bottle-blonds of Orange County are back at it. In the interest of trying to be interesting Tamra and Gretchen are attempting something different--- being friendly to each other, and I predict this will last three episodes. Anyone agree? Before I dive deep into the peroxide pool I want to share my illustration of quite possibly the emptiest housewife out of all the franchises- Alexis Bellino.
Cut to Vicki with an i. Oh Vicki, I've missed you! She was prepping her home for a showing as she and Don are divorcing and their place is for sale. She tended to the pillows around the house and instructed her son Mike on just how to give the perfect karate chop move to make those pillows say to perspective purchasers "buy our home." I've met her son Mike and he's a very nice guy. Hi Mike!
So Tamra and Gretchen met up at a restaurant we've seen on camera before. Ky'a I think it was. Yea, they met, they apologized, and Tamra gave Gretchen a bracelet that looked like something you'd late-night drunkenly buy on QVC and when it arrives in the mail, you'd swear you were being pranked. Actually it was a nice gesture on Tamra's part but I foresee a party in two more episodes where Gretchen dramatically rips it off, throws it at Tamra hitting her in the knocker, and screaming "We aren't friends, we will never be friends! I should have never forgiven you!" We'll see...... They didn't show it but during that segment Slade was staring blankly in the mirror mouthing the words "I am worthy of love."
Next we have Alexis. Oh Alexis. I'd forgotten that she had a line of cloths called Alexis Couture ha ha ha ha ha ha...... sorry I have to compose myself..... That line according to Alexis is doing fabulous. It's flying off the shelves at ????????? But Alexis isn't only a clothing designer ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, she's also on-air talent. There's some tv show in San Diego that lost a bet and has to feature a weekly (?) segment where Alexis wears skimpy cloths and ??????? During her first installment she interviewed the booty doctor or was that Dr Booty about how to achieve the perfect fruit shaped ass. It was spectacular. Alexis shook her giant implants and whisked her extensions back and forth and that's about it. As she said, she wants to be the next Katie Keurig. Can't make that shit up. I am disappointed we didn't get to see her dumpster full of chum husband/ king Jim. Oh Alexis..... I am happy to see you again.
There's a new housewife named Heather and she's rich. Or is she? All these women (from all the franchises) want to come off as rich but we usually find out they aren't. Tamra had a very staged meeting with Heather and her husband to view a property on Newport Coast which is lovely. I've been to the shopping area below that development many times. It's boring as fuck there but beautiful. Heather's husband had an odd quality--- like he enjoys Thai lady-boys or something. They talked about how big their current home is and how nice it is so either they're faking wealthy or they are rich and just desperate for attention. Either way they are perfect for this show.
The entire episode was leading up to Vicki's cajun dinner party which is a nod to her new southern squeeze. Pre-party Gretchen and Alexis shared a glass of wine and some of the most ignorant conversation at Gretchen's home. Slade sat in the garage and cried while eating an entire pizza as Alanis Morrisette's Jagged Little Pills blared in the background. As we know, Peggy briefly dated Jim, Alexis's husband some time ago and he never told Alexis. That globby fuck Jim let his wife film a season of a reality TV show with a woman he used to bone (ewwwww!) and never told his wife and Alexis has the nerve to be mad at Peggy. Sensible, right? So Alexis rehashed over wine that Peggy should have told her and Gretchen looked blankly back while remembering what a nice body Slade used to have before he let himself go.
Cut to Tamra and Peggy at Tamra's home having a similar pow wow except these two were on the right side of the conversation. Peggy said Jim used to be quite the ladies man dating all the girls in Newport and Tamra questioned how. :) Point goes to Tamra! Peggy never told Tamra that she and Jim had boned (ewwww!!!!!) and I don't blame her. That's some shit you keep locked up tight. Most of us probably have that one fling we'd rather not disclose. I'm all Team Tamra-Peggy on this one. So the show ended with all the gals arriving at Vicki's. Will Peggy punch Alexis in the fake boob? Will Alexis continue to be mad at Peggy that her husband boned her (EWW!) years ago and he never mentioned it? Will new girl Heather reveal that her husband likes the touch of a trans woman? Will Gretchen laugh loudly at nothing? Yes to that one. Will Vicki woo-hoo? Will Tamra tell Vicki she's secretly friends with Gretchen? And will Slade crash the party saying he's just one of the girls only to be kicked out causing him to drink a bottle of peach schnapps and eat an entire ice cream cake?
We'll just have to wait and see.............
My loving drawing of Alexis is completed with pencil on paper and digital color.
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