Pretty On The Outside

The Maloof Hoof

Last night was the first of a three part reunion spectacle in which the Beverly Hills housewives gathered to passive aggressively face this season's issues.  A number of topics were brought up but the one that seemed far and away the height of bullshit was Lisa Vanderpump's innocent nickname for Adrienne Maloof's new shoe line.  That Maloof woman seems to be richer than sin and fairly level headed so I wondered what she was doing on this show.  Now I suppose we understand.  It's so she can introduce a bullshit line of shoes.  Shoes which, if you google them, are either complete Louboutin rip-offs or some kind of terrible Payless version of drag queens giving career-girl realness.  So Lisa in one of those cutaway interview scenes referred to her shoe line as "The Maloof Hoof" which I think is pretty funny.  But Adrienne certainly didn't.  It's as though Lisa said Adrienne's children looked inbred.  Lisa replied that that term was meant to be cute as though to say they were "fat little shoes."  You could probably call that Maloof woman the c word and she wouldn't blink, but say "fat" and them's fightin words!  

Fat?  Fat!  Fat?!  FAT!!!!!!!  Adrienne's head nearly exploded at that slanderous comment.  Then Lisa attempted reasoning with Adrienne and tried pretending she liked her terrible shoes by saying she did want to purchase a pair in pink.

Pink?  Pink!  Pink?!  Pink!!!!!  According to Adrienne they were nude, not pink.  It's as though Lisa had told her to fuck off on national television.  HA!  So in honor of Lisa Vanderpump, I give you The Maloof Hoof and yes, it's pink...... not nude. 

Not sure if I have the stomach to weigh in on the other reunion shows as I'm saving all my love for those sun-damaged OC gals.  Oh Vicki...... how I've missed drawing you.

:)

The Maloof Hoof is drawn with pen on paper and colored in photoshop.  

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Oh Big Ang....... I'm officially obsessed!

Thank you VH1 for bringing us this ravishing vision.  I'm powerless to resist.

If you'd like to purchase a print of my original drawing, you can do so here.  Thanks!

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Big Ang is the GodMother!

It's official!  I'm hooked on Big Ang.  I can't help it......  She's everything I've ever wanted from a reality TV character: a bigger than life persona, a distinctively alluring look, a commanding voice and presence, and she's typically accessorized in feathers either in her hair or on her earrings and/ or sporting some type of leopard printed ensemble.  She's a wild and untamed animal this Big Ang and I'm pleased to make her acquaintance.

Drawing completed with ink on paper.  If you're so inclined, have a look at my fb page as I typically posted work there first.

If you'd like to purchase a print of my artwork, you can do so here.  Thanks!

Big Ang tattoo!!!!!!!!!

I'm not sure if I'm honored or horrified but some tattooed my illustration of Mob Wives Big Ang on their body. It's even on her twitter page. HA!!!!! The hilarious site Starcasm gave me the heads up. http://starcasm.net/archives/139809  I'm not on twitter so if one of you lovely readers wants to tweet her that I'm the one who created the illustration, I'd be forever grateful.  Also, please tell her I'm in love! By the way, feel free to take a trip to my fb page.  Thanks! If you'd like to purchase a print of my drawing, you can do so here.

 

Big Ang!

Please savor my pen sketch of reality TV goddess Big Ang from Mob Wives.  I'm working on a big project at the moment so I won't be able to post any new artwork for a few days.  Hope Big Ang for tide you over til I'm back.

xo

Big Ang from Mob Wives. Part two.

I watched my first full episode of Mob Wives a couple nights ago. I'd mentioned in a previous posting that I've been under the weather since mid last week and as I lay on the couch in a dayquil haze, I got a taste of what all the Staten Island fuss is about.  Gotta say I was equally appalled and enthralled.  Been watching those Real Housewives for a long time so I'm used to combative, catty attention-starved lunatics on TV.  The housewives collectively are pretty freakin vanilla compared to the episode I saw of Mob Wives.  Let me get right to it in case you were like me and had never seen this show.  These women fist fought each other.  Yes, fist fought!  Sure the Real Housewives collectively yell, threaten, and get in each others faces but that seems to be breakfast type behaviour for the Mob Wives.  Again, this was my first episode so maybe it's not always this high octane but let me tell you what I saw.

Remember this was in my dayquil-saturated perspective.  The apparent matriarch of the show is called Renee.  I assume she's the kingpin or queenpin because the other ladies seemed to fear/ respect her.  Also got to mention I've never heard so much cursing that's being bleeped out.  Renee, who looks like Jackie Stallone and a pitbull have a torrid affair, was having a birthday party at what could be a two story Costco.  Two of the other mob wives were out on the second floor balcony of the Costco arguing about----- I don't know----- someone heard that someone was talking shit about one of them behind their back but no one would own up to what they'd said.  Then clips of them saying the shit they denied saying would be edited into the show.  Voice raised, fingers pointed, veins popped out of foreheads and then another mob wife came out onto the balcony and before you knew it, punches were being thrown, hair was being pulled and like ten neckless security guys struggled to pull these women apart.  You bleeping bleep I'm gonna bleeping bleep you in your bleeping bleep!!!  Bleep you!!!!!!  The women and security were a mosh of crazy.  

Renee was running across the Costco screaming about how dare those bleeping bitches bleep up her bleeping party.  The  women eventually got yanked apart but one of them got punched in the face by maybe a guy and even more hell broke loose.  Hard to say exactly happened next because there were crazy camera angles of the various women running and screaming and threatening to bleeping kill the bleeping bitch.  And through it all, the elegant and dignified Big Ang drawn above didn't get involved.  No, in her lady-like manner she steered clear of the drama, sipped her cocktail, and scanned the room for an available wise guy.  I love you Big Ang.  You're my reality TV saviour.  

Not sure if I hate or love this show but chances are I'll give it another look.  As for My Ang, my Big Ang..... I'll always be watching you.

Drawing completed with ink on paper and digital color.

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Ken and Kim on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills are a psa on not doing drugs.

Ok, this is posting number two today and I'm fading fast.  Like really, really fast.  As I sit on a mountain of Kleenex and Cold-Eeze lozenge wrappers with an ice pack on my head, I'm about to give in and take some more dayquil.  I'm trying to stick to the recommended amount for fear of acting, appearing, behaving like Kim Richards and that yuck glob of a boyfriend.  What in the f*#k is wrong with those two?  What are they on?  I'm sick as a dog but if there was a Bravo camera rolling in front of me, I'm pretty sure I could pull it together long enough to fake my way through a scene.  My apologies but that's about all I have to give right now.........  Off to medicate and sleep.

Illustration of Ken and Kim completed with pen, ink, and marker on paper with a pinch of digital color. 

Cowgirl Kandi Burruss is a little bit country........

Oh hey there!  I'm going to attempt two ultra-quickie postings today.  Like ultra, ultra quick.  I did the above drawing of my favorite housewife Kandi about five days ago, posted it on my fb page, and then began prepping for a free-lance project. It was on my "to do" list to get this posted but sadly I got sick mid-week.  Wah wah!!!!  Today I'm almost feeling human again so thought I'd best get this up.  The above drawing of the adorable Kandi celebrates her foray into the country music arena.  Miss Burruss is writing for country singer Jo Dee Messina and I predict good things.  In my estimation, she's the only "real" person on that show meaning she's not pretending to be something she's not.  Go cowgirl Kandi!  So what else happened on last week's show?

Hmmmmm.... if memory serves:

Phaedra's trying to put the fun back in funerals (sorry, I'm still sick) and she's gonna use her friend Willy Wonka's business model and rip him off.  Or something like that.

Cynthia and Peter seem to be on the divorce countdown.

Nene found out that new cast member Marla has been arrested seven times.  Say what?

Kim and her lazy daughters unpacked some hideously gaudy Versace plates that will be displayed in their formal dining room but never used.

Sheree went to Kim's Wigmanor and tried to usher in a healthier lifestyle: fresh squeezed juice...... yoga complete with side planks (those totally work by the way) and Kim wanted none of it.  Which was shocking, right?  I think Kim is totally missing out on a huge business opportunity.  Wouldn't you want to buy a yoga workout video with wigged Kim trying to do the down dog position with a cigarette in her mouth and a glass of wine next to her mat?  I'd totally buy it.

Ok, off to take my meds and try for posting number two.

Drawing of Kandi was completed with pen and ink on paper.

Big Ang from Mob Wives!

Oh. My. God..... I wasn't even in the market for a new reality TV muse but I've just found her!  A number of you have suggested I draw the ladies from Mob Wives airing on VH1.  So I took a look at that show but honestly it didn't really grab me.  I tried.  My friend Deena called a couple nights ago and she told me there was a new character named Big Ang on that show and that I would love her.  And my friend was soooooooo right!  I googled her and as Deena and I were on the phone I watched the following clip and nearly passed out.

I mean..... have you ever seen such a delicate flower? Such a demur vessel of femininity.  Such a lilting and shrinking violet.  She's a goddess.  She's everything I've dreamed of, so I drew her.

Oh Big Ang..... I'm forever yours.  Below are a couple .gifs which are .gifts from the reality TV gods!

Somebody slap me!

Drawing of Big Ang completed with pen on paper. 

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Just had to share this........

I was clickin around the web and stumbled onto these sculptures by Billie Achellios.

She used Louis Vuitton products to create those wonderfully kooky animals.  Love it!  Please click on the above link to see further examples and click here to go to her fun blog.  Great stuff!