Pretty On The Outside

Body paint fun with model Marcelino Rosas and photograper Kurt R Brown.

How did you spend your sunday?  At church?  Did you go on a family picnic?  Maybe you took in a movie after stopping by a farmer's market where you purchased heirloom tomatoes and local honey?  Or perhaps you spent the entire day lounging in your new tempurpedic bed resting up before a busy work week?  Well, I spent the majority of my sunday body painting my friend Marcelino.  He and photographer Kurt R Brown came up with the concept of turning him into a futuristic robot.  A boybot.  And if I may ask, I'm wondering what would you do with this boybot?  Take him to church?  Go on a family picnic with him?  Take him to a movie and then a farmer's market?  Or would you have a little "private alone time" with the boybot?  No judgement from me. You could perhaps sit him next to you on the couch and take in an episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills while telling him that you think Taylor looks too thin and that the new girl has bad taste.  But I digress....... 

Here's a cropped version of the finished image and the whole photo is in the second half of the posting.  The final image may be a little not safe for work...... just a warning.

Patti Stanger from The Millionaire Matchmaker is......

A. An obnoxious moose.

B. A complete butt-head.

C. A matchmaker.

D. All of the above.

Patti's "I'm unlikable" tour made a stop at Andy Cohen's Watch What Happens Live show last night and she had all the appeal of a wet fart in an elevator.  If you're not familiar with Patti, well.... she has a show on Bravo in which she plays matchmaker to impossibly narcissistic millionaire douche-bags.  Patti favors barking advice at her clients over rational discourse.  To the women that are the pool of options for the typically self-involved men, she'll tell them to wear: stiletto heels, tight dress, and show some skin.  Sex sells and Patti is pimp mommy.  

As I mentioned, Patti brought her new face to Andy's show to share her tired and dirty pearls of wisdom.  Patti's spray-tanned mug is going the way of so many ladies these days with the injected baby butt-cheek cheeks which is appropriate as she's a butt-head.  Do people really like that look?  I mean I do but more in a look and leer sort of a way over a "wow, you look so refreshed" way.  She repeatedly put her size 13 foot in her mouth when she complimented one gay skyped-in caller for not appearing gay.  Hmmmmm...... So if gay people are readable as gay then we're less then?  If we're passable as straight then we're in the elite? Later, a tsunami of shit came out of her enhanced mouth which fittingly looks like an inflamed asshole when she said "No one likes a queen" meaning an effeminate gay man.  Then said some crap about gays just wanting to be on hookup sites like grindr and manhunt.  And that she's given up on us--- the gays.  Good Patti, I've given up on you you big moose.  But not before I drew you and I regret I made you look prettier than you are.  

And in closing..... I have gay friends who fall all along the spectrum from very masculine to rather feminine.  The thing that links them all together is that they're fantastic, smart, funny, and kind.  And shockingly Patti the ones who are on the more fem side are very desirable.  What a don't care for are abrasive, loud, stereotyping jerks.  Oh Patti.... you gotta watch what you say on What What Happens.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey. It's all about Caroline Manzo's migraine face caused by Teresa Guidice's swimwear!

Hey again!  I had planned on only spending a few minutes doing the above illustration of Caroline Manzo in order to have a little extra time for this written portion.  But after scanning the pencil drawing into my computer I started adding a little color and then some more color and on and on and now I don't have time to do any kind of recap as I'm already late for work.  AHHHH!!!!!!!  So hopefully my "Caroline with a migraine" image will suffice.  I mean no disrespect to Mrs Manzo with this illustration as I do like her and clearly that stabbing, throbbing pain in her head was caused by Teresa.  Mrs. Guidice's impromptu fashion show in which she paraded her deep-fried turkey body in a marvelous spectrum of whore swimming costumes even gave me a migraine.  Did you have to take a hand full of Advil and sit in a dark room after the show too? 

Well, if my illustration isn't enough then how's about a photo of Greg Bennett in a skimpy pair of swim trunks?  Greg is roommates with Caroline's sons and to me he's the breakout star this season.  He's gay, adorable, funny, and I have to say that the way uber-straight Joe Gorga is constantly flirting with him has made me rethink my initial feelings towards Joe.  I'm falling in like with Mr Gorga courtesy of Greg.  Anyway.... the photo of Greg is in the second half of the posting.

Pink slips for some of the NYC gals.

I got home from work early today and did a quick check of my favorite pop culture site to see what was happening out there in the blogosphere.  Well, if you suffered through the last season of the NYC Real Housewives and especially the two excruciating reunion shows then you surely knew a re-casting, re-structuring, re-thinking of that whole line-up was in order.  Apparently it was just announced that Jill, Kelly, Alex, and Cindy are getting the Bravo boot.  Personally, I'm fine with them all going with the exception of Alex as I did enjoy the way she freaked out the other gals.  Here's hoping Bravo can find four new gals just as wacked out as Luann and Ramona.  Is that even possible? 

I'm including a quick graphic I made as I watched the last of the two horrifying reunion shows.  After I created the below image, I wanted to taser myself for spending time on that stupidity and never posted it.  Seems appropriate to air it now..........  Sadly I do like watching cosmetically-altered "classy" entitled-nutbags fighting but this past season and reunion shows were too too too much to bare.  Hopefully next season will be better.  Make it work Bravo!

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Adrienne Maloof, what lovely (?) hair you have.