Last night the curtain was lifted on the sixth season of the Real Housewives of Orange County and we got a gander at the exclusively blond cast. Gone is confused brunette Lynne with her confused husband and those horribly-mannered confused kids. Do you think Lynne realizes she's not part of the cast this season and somewhere in a rented McMansion she's in full makeup on a treadmill waiting for the Bravo cameras to film her? Probably. Back to the blond topic, I kind of felt like last night was a PSA on what can happen texturely to your hair after years of peroxide abuse. Conditioner...... that's all I'm saying. And speaking of remedies, I've had the flu since mid last week which morphed into bronchitis and after a doctor's visit this afternoon, I'm now on a couple different meds. My good friend TB (not Tamry Barney by way) checked in after my dr appt to find out what I was prescribed and informed me that one of the antibiotics could make me shit myself. Wha.... wha... wha.... WHAT!?!?! I might WHAT?! So as I sit here with an upset stomach.... uh oh......... I'm going to try and get thru this posting rather quickly as last night's episode was more of a reintroduction. And I feel like crap. And I'd like to avoid sh*tting myself.
The show began with recently divorced Tamra standing in what looked like a model home in Ladera Ranch calling all the gals to invite them to over for one of those junk-trunk clothing parties. You know where you drink too many sweet cocktails during the day, 40 year old women turn into shreiking girls, and then buy Ed Hardy-looking gear. She phoned Gretchen first which brought back all the overly familiar Tamra/ Gretchen drama that has been their storyline for the last few seasons. Really? The same old f*cking rehashed nonsense that I'm sure they'll be fighting over for the next few seasons. Then Tamra called Alexis Bellino aka Jesus Barbie and in true ridiculous Alexis fashion, she made one of those confessional cutaway scenes saying something about the biblical contradiction of getting divorced but she wanted to be there for her friend. Bitch, what? Alexis was previously married as was her husband. This is making my stomach rumble by the way so I'm going to speed things up.
Gretchen is now a purse designer- promoter- host and she has an assistant. How long til there's a cookbook and alcohol drink?
Vicki apparently is as strong as a man which she demonstrated by picking up sofas and tables--- all while in heels! Go girl.
Alexis is still the patron saint of silicone. She asks herself constantly "What would Jesus do?" and then lives by that. So if Alexis is modelling herself after our Saviour, then if we were to analyze her behavior, would we have a better understanding of what Jesus was like? If yes, does that mean Jesus had a head full of two-toned extensions, triple G (for God) implants, took spinning classes, rode around in limos, shopped with an A-mex card, fought with other sun-damaged blonds, and had a nanny? I don't remember reading about any of that in sunday school. I just had a major coughing attack and took two spoon fulls of my codeine syrup which means I'm going to be out of it shortly.
Full speed ahead...... Tamra knowing Bravo's audience had a shirtless hunky bartender serving drinks to the yard full of cookie cutter milfs. Her trainer Fernanda Rocha, a fucking hot brazilian lesbian, put all those bland blonds to shame. She's hot like only a brazilian can be. I was just on Bravo's website and if I'm reading correctly, she's going to be part of the season but she isn't in their collage at the top of the page. What up Bravo? I hope Fernanda is a permanent member of the cast.... in the few moments she was on screen, she had more personality and charisma than most of them.
So at the junk-trunk sale, go on and take a wild guess as to what happened. What do you think happened between Tamra and Gretchen? Do you think they talked about global warming? Do you think they discussed social realism in Chinese art? Or maybe those two plucky gals made amends and finally agreed to never ever fight again? Hell no to all three of those questions! They fought. Of course. And interesting (not really) Gretchen and Alexis also fought and about what I can't remember.... I'm sure it was over something very important. What else? Vicki came to the party and stayed pretty neutral and cautiously optimistic about her future friendship with Tamra. And then it was over. They're back and kind of feels like they never left. I like these OC gals for some reasons. Perhaps because I live not too far from Orange County, have done free-lance work in Coto De Caza, and these women are familiar to me. I've got myself a soft spot.... a soft orange spot and it's nice having them back.
Ok, that's all I can take. I feel like shit and am off to lay down........ If you're new to my site, I've had lots of fun with these OC gals. Click here to read previous recaps.