The first of the two-part reunion shows aired last night and was shot in the historic Biltmore Millennium Hotel in their little talked about "recovery" ward. In this secretive area, ladies of a certain stratospheric income bracket can heal after a surgical enhancement.... refurbishment.... nip/ tuck........ dressed in just a simple paper hospital gown and a pair of $1,000 Christian Louis Vuitton shoes. And if you're Adrian Maloooooof, tinsel is allowed in the hair. The weather may have been sunny outside in downtown LA as they taped this but the atmosphere inside was awfully stormy with a faint note of gin in the air. Did someone mention Kim?
Kim's segment should most likely have been skyped in from the Betty Ford clinic. Poor Kim. Poor wild-haired, mascara-smeared, booze-soaked, living in the past Kim. She may be an alcoholic or maybe she just can't hold her booze well or maybe she's got a dusting of whatever is wrong with Paula Abdul. I don't know, but I do know I'll miss Kim. Goodbye Kim.
Next there's Camille. That abrasive yet brittle, beady-eyed, self-involved, nut case who just may be the worst person ever to appear on one of these shows. Even worse than Danielle Staub and Alexis Bellino. Imagine that. My favorite Camille segment came when Andy Cohen reading a viewer's question asked the ladies, "How much is a gallon of milk?" and Camille laughed like she's never laughed before. She laughed at how absurd it would be for her to know such a thing and she laughed at that poor, poor viewer for being so poor that they actually have to purchase their own groceries. Poor, sad question asking viewer, that's what house managers are for. Goodbye Camille, I'll miss you most of all. Here she is laughing at the milk question.......
Next there's Taylor. And as I watched her last night all I could think about is that she looked like the mannequin I used to have when I was a kid. (Just click on that link) I mean, does she have pores? Is there an ounce of fat anywhere on her? Maybe, in fact, she's made of plaster with a silly putty mouth? Oh...... I like that. So as Taylor smiled literally from ear to ear and winked and every so often tried to shoot Kim a "watch it bitch" look, her default expression was one of complete emptiness and that's what I drew below. Goodbye Taylor. I will miss you too.
The last three women I didn't draw. I never warmed up to Adrian Maloof list season. She seemed guarded and disinterested in being on this show and the only time I saw any passion from her was when she yelled that husband. (I might yell at him too.) So I'll say goodbye to Adrian and I will miss the tinsel in the hair.
Kyle seemed pretty together. She has the only husband I'd want to have sex with (you go girl), her kids seem well adjusted, and she doesn't look like she starves herself which is a really good thing. I'm sure in person she's itty bitty but next to bag of bones Taylor and Camille she looks, well, she actually looks great. Go Kyle. Goodbye for now. I will miss you.
Lastly there's Lisa. Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. I tried drawing her but it came out looking crazy and I wouldn't want to post something like that. I like her a lot. I like her dog, I like that 175 cyst she had removed (Cerdic), I love her accent, and I love watching her. She could have her own spin-off and I'd watch. Goodbye Lisa. I will definitely miss you.
So next up we have NYC, right? Lordy.......