Pretty On The Outside

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: botox, binge-drinking, betrayal, back-stabbing, and lots of boobies!

The first of the two-part reunion shows aired last night and was shot in the historic Biltmore Millennium Hotel in their little talked about "recovery" ward.  In this secretive area, ladies of a certain stratospheric income bracket can heal after a surgical enhancement.... refurbishment.... nip/ tuck........ dressed in just a simple paper hospital gown and a pair of $1,000 Christian Louis Vuitton shoes.  And if you're Adrian Maloooooof, tinsel is allowed in the hair.  The weather may have been sunny outside in downtown LA as they taped this but the atmosphere inside was awfully stormy with a faint note of gin in the air.  Did someone mention Kim?

Kim's segment should most likely have been skyped in from the Betty Ford clinic.  Poor Kim.  Poor wild-haired, mascara-smeared, booze-soaked, living in the past Kim.  She may be an alcoholic or maybe she just can't hold her booze well or maybe she's got a dusting of whatever is wrong with Paula Abdul.  I don't know, but I do know I'll miss Kim.  Goodbye Kim.

Next there's Camille.  That abrasive yet brittle, beady-eyed, self-involved, nut case who just may be the worst person ever to appear on one of these shows.  Even worse than Danielle Staub and Alexis Bellino.  Imagine that.  My favorite Camille segment came when Andy Cohen reading a viewer's question asked the ladies, "How much is a gallon of milk?" and Camille laughed like she's never laughed before.  She laughed at how absurd it would be for her to know such a thing and she laughed at that poor, poor viewer for being so poor that they actually have to purchase their own groceries.  Poor, sad question asking viewer, that's what house managers are for.  Goodbye Camille, I'll miss you most of all.  Here she is laughing at the milk question.......

Next there's Taylor.  And as I watched her last night all I could think about is that she looked like the mannequin I used to have when I was a kid.  (Just click on that link)  I mean, does she have pores?  Is there an ounce of fat anywhere on her?  Maybe, in fact, she's made of plaster with a silly putty mouth?  Oh...... I like that.  So as Taylor smiled literally from ear to ear and winked and every so often tried to shoot Kim a "watch it bitch" look, her default expression was one of complete emptiness and that's what I drew below.  Goodbye Taylor.  I will miss you too.

The last three women I didn't draw.  I never warmed up to Adrian Maloof list season.  She seemed guarded and disinterested in being on this show and the only time I saw any passion from her was when she yelled that husband.  (I might yell at him too.)  So I'll say goodbye to Adrian and I will miss the tinsel in the hair. 

Kyle seemed pretty together.  She has the only husband I'd want to have sex with (you go girl), her kids seem well adjusted, and she doesn't look like she starves herself which is a really good thing.  I'm sure in person she's itty bitty but next to bag of bones Taylor and Camille she looks, well, she actually looks great.  Go Kyle.  Goodbye for now.  I will miss you.

Lastly there's Lisa.  Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.  I tried drawing her but it came out looking crazy and I wouldn't want to post something like that.  I like her a lot.  I like her dog, I like that 175 cyst she had removed (Cerdic), I love her accent, and I love watching her.  She could have her own spin-off and I'd watch.  Goodbye Lisa.  I will definitely miss you.

So next up we have NYC, right?  Lordy.......

Previous recaps can be seen here.

xoxo

Comment approval

Hey y'all.  Hope you're having a good weekend.  Just a brief message saying I've temporarily turned on the comment approval moderator.  Which means once you leave a comment it won't appear until I hit ok.  Sorry to do that.  I had a penis enlargement website leave 15 comments all over my site with links back to theirs this morning.  When a company does that I always nicely reply, "Go fuck yourself.  No free links."  Usually it's a bogus email address and it gets returned.  Their email address actually worked shockingly. I was getting annoyed though to have to log into my account and delete their avalanche of links.  Just hit the approval button on my blog and their comments have stopped.  Again this is just temporary.  All true comments will be approved.  I'll go back to the regular way when that bigger dick site gets the message.  Thanks!

Things I've seen at the gym. Quite possibly the worst tattoo ever.

I haven't updated this category in an eternity......  Taking a peak at my blog, I was a bit troubled at the abundance of Real Housewives postings and lack of other content so I just whipped up this little illustration depicting something I saw in the locker room at my gym yesterday.  I'm alllllllll about spotting the unusual.... and boy oh boy did I get a people-watching gift.  Had just finished with my workout and headed into the maze-like locker room to wash the gym-grime off my hands.  I turned a corner and a 40 something dude wearing just a pair of tidy whities was only a few feet away traveling in my direction and something crazy caught my eye.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Someone needs an icecube in their v*****.

Happy new year y'all.  I probably should have something a little more uplifting as my first posting of 2011, right?  Well......... let me try and work in a little positivity..... My sister, the one with the son who likes to dress up his mannequin Martinique, was in town a couple days ago.  I got a very welcomed ear full of what's going on in his glittery world of creativity--- his focus has shifted from styling his mannequin to learning the fine art of makeup application.  He loves nothing more than to pass his afternoons watching makeup tutorials on youtube.  A smokey eye, a perfectly lined lip, how to apply natural looking shading........ all areas he's conquering at the ripe age of 12.  I mean really, how great is that?  Picking my sister up at the airport she pulled out a drawing he'd done explaining how she should apply her makeup.  He had also styled her outfits for the weekend and her airport travel outfit was as sharp as could be.  Snap, snap, snap.  I haven't written much about her other son who is now 14.  He's a smart, rough and tumble, great kid.  So funny and likable.  From the airport we headed to a too-trendy part of LA for a bit of shopping.  She wanted to get a dress and jacket--- all items she photoed and texted her son for approval.  :)  As we pulled into a parking structure and I was angling into a very tight parking spot, the woman in car behind us riding my ass.  My sister said if her 14 years was there, he'd have stuck his head out the window and yelled, "Put an ice-cube in your vagina lady!"  I spit all over the dashboard and nearly wrecked from hysterics!  "Put and ice-cube in your vagina lady" is my new favorite expression of 2011.  It's so silly and funny and so something a 14 year old would say.  Good times....... I'd prefer to just talk about sister and her kids than those BH housewives but I suppose I'll give an attempt at those waxy wackies.