Pretty On The Outside

The Real Housewives of New Jersey. It's getting even worse.

Imagine if you will......... You've eaten most of a large bowl of minestrone soup only to discover a baby mouse near the bottom while walking into a public restroom where ten large men who spent the previous day feasting on lobster burritos and chili con carne are taking loud, explosive #2s and someone hands you a jury duty summons which gives you a paper-cut.  Whew! That's what it felt like to me watching last night's The Real Housewives of New Jersey. 

This posting is going to be short because even writing this much makes me want to take a stun-gun to my brain.  And if I did zap myself with one of those things--- this expression which Teresa had on that mug of hers is probably what I'd look like too.

Fun- Funny- Inspiring Images

Below is a collection of photos gathered while web surfing which have brought a smile to my face, piqued my curiosity, and also sparked some creativity.  Hope you'll enjoy these.

I don't know much about the World Cup......

...... but I know what I like.  And I like EVERYTHING about the following photo of Bill Clinton having beers with American player Carlos Bocanegra. 

I especially like that red-faced Bill looks completely f*&ked up and about to fall.  :)  I also needed to get that awful pixelated photo of Danielle off the top of my site and looking at Carlos definitely helps wash away the nightmare that is her sex tape.  I'm still haunted by that atrocity........  Hold me Carlos.  Hold me and make it better!

Found on the Huffington Post. 

Danielle Staub's video has arrived. God help us all.

My reader Martha just sent me the link to an extended look at Danielle's video and I wish it was a music video for that song she sang on Watch What Happens the other night.  But it isn't.  I wish it had been a video of her as a child opening Christmas presents.  But isn't.  I wish it was surveillance-camera video-footage from a convenience store with Danielle buying menthol cigarettes and condoms.  But it isn't.  I wish it was a video of her buying jewelry for her lady bits at Zales.  (Spoiler alert!)  But it isn't.  The video is her sex tape.  Cue the acid reflux. 

It's like that video from The Ring--- after you watch it your phone rings and on the other end is Teresa screaming, "Prostitution whore!"  And like The Ring after you see it, you must pass it along to someone or else a week later Danielle will arrive at your home with her mob of goons and the Kims in tow and force you to watch her pole dance.  The horror!  So if you're over 18 and of sound mind and body then here's the link.  Found on Perez Hilton.  Remember, you can't un-watch this so strongly consider if you really want to take this in.

Thanks Martha!

********* UPDATE*********

This is being added on Monday the 28th.  My reader Moira just left a message saying that link was no longer active. With a glass of holy water next to my laptop and my left hand partially covering my eyes, I clicked on the link again and yea, Moira is correct.  For those of you who missed it, count yourselves lucky.  I'm still haunted by what I saw.

Fafo is a dancing bear from America's Got Talent

Channel surfing tonight I landed on America's Got Talent which isn't one of my usual programs but I did enjoy the antics of this adorable dancing bear.

Too funny!  He reminded me of a posting I did back in June of '08 on a bear who'd made his way onto the runway.

 

More bears please!

The Real Housewives of New Jersey. It's all about the Kims. And I really love True Blood too.

I made it through about 10 minutes of last week's RHONJ before turning it off due to my complete, thorough, and utter disgust at what a mess that show has become.  I quit that bitch and by bitch I mean Danielle.  And I quit the show.  I'll get to Danielle in a bit.  So I cut my losses and decided to scratch this program off my TIVO list.  Had I watched that episode in its entirety I'd have seen Dina quit the show too which makes me like her even more.  I wish you well Dina.  Call it a sick curiosity, call it a love of train wreck TV, call it a way to pass a bit of time before watching a TIVO'd True Blood from the night before, but I figured I'd give those Jersey girls another try.  And it was actually pretty good towards the end of the episode.

Still holding a grudge at what a mound of poop last week's episode was, I had the TIVO remote in my left hand, a glass of Cabernet in my right, and was on the verge of shutting the show off until about half way in.  The show got off to a boring start with Caroline, Teresa, and Jacqueline having a boring ladies lunch.  Did I say boring?  Clutching that TV remote, my left index finger gently caressed the exit button as I sipped my Cab and looked forward to those True Blood werewolves!  Can't say for sure, but the gals probably talked about what a freak Danielle is, how dangerous she is, and chances are Caroline said her in strained voice, "If she comes near my family, I'll kill her with my bare hands, and bury her under the Brownstone."  Yawn, stretch, how long til True Blood?

The show revved up when Danielle went for a consultation about her botched-boob job.  This will be her fourth augmentation and it looks like #3 was done by upright bulldog Joe Guidice.  As Danielle girlishly turned her head to the side and opened her towel revealing those oddly-sculpted cans, the doctor screamed and plunged a wooden stake into her heart.  Sorry, that's True Blood.  No the doctor said, "This is not an easy case."  Not sure if he was talking about having to deal with her or was talking about the challenge of reconstructing those wonky cans.  By the way, did you all see her on Andy Cohen's Watch What Happens?  Should have been called What Happened to Your Face as she looked like a Latin tranny with an eating and an attention whoring- disorder that had been turned into a wax museum statue.  So of course we expect Danielle to be crazy, that's a given.  She's a veteran of crazy.  But there's nothing like new crazy and by that I mean Kim D.

The D stands for Dude or Dick as in she is one and he has one.  That's a man.  That's a drag queen and she/ he definitely gives Danielle a run for the money in the duplicitous, jacked-up train wreck department.  She's all filter-less cigarettes, diet coke, and back-stabbing.  She also has a strip mall version of Posh Beckham's bob with bangs.  This drawing is for sale on my etsy site here.  Here's a photo I snapped during the show which is what I drew.

I hope I captured her glamor appropriately.  :) Midway into the show my BF made the following declaration, "They're all ugly and have bad taste.  They're ugly on the inside and out."  That's my baby and he's right.  Had to have another go at that mug.

Reel me in............ I'm hooked again!  That Kim D with a dick has reignited my interest in this mess.  She has a face I can get behind not in front of.  She's so desperate to be on the show and will talk or twalk out of both sides of her mouth in order to get screen time.  It's wonderfully gross to watch.  This drawing is also available on my etsy site. Speaking of desperate to be on TV, we have the other Kim, Kim G.

Whereas Kim D with a dick would never be accused of having class, Kim G seems somewhat refined.  The key word is seems.  She seems nice, kinda dignified, and normal but that's all an act.  I guessing.  She clearly loves the cameras as much as Kim D.  I'm guessing they'll introduce another Kim and then the coven will be complete as witches gather in threes.  Of course this is for sale too.  All of these are drawn with archival ink on 9" x 12" Stonehenge paper.

A little show and tell. Portrait of my friend Matt.

Back in March my friend Matt agreed to let me body-paint him and in exchange for his time and effort, I promised to make him a portrait.  Here's my favorite from that series of body-paint.

That was the first in the direction of attempting to make models appear as though there were actual paintings and photographing them standing in front of a painted canvas.  I'd started a portrait of him prior to our project using oil sticks on a 20" x 30" piece of heavy Arches paper.  My work is often very tight and controlled so for his portrait, I wanted to do something more loose, fluid, and gestural.  I worked on that portrait off and on for months and was never satisfied with it.  So yesterday I broke out some oil paint and went over the whole thing.  It's very wet as oil paint takes anywhere from days to weeks to at times even months to dry if applied thick enough.  Once this dries a little more, I'll put in a few more details but it's generally finished.  And wanted to do a little show and tell so I just snapped this picture.

 

That paper has a beautiful, irregular deckle edge which I just love.  That's how it looks drying on some newspapers in my work area.

Thanks for looking at my show and tell.

xoxo

The RHONYC reunion show episode 2 was on fire!

Two reunion shows down, one more to go.  And I have to say that these have been actually better than the series.  How's that?  Well in an unprecedented three-parter we've gotten a rather authentic look at those gals removed from any of the goofy scenarios we've seen during the season.  Awkward to watch at times definitely but what we get is these ladies being honest, accessible, and dare I say it, they are being "real".  Weird, huh?  I thought the Sonja Morgan section was a needed calmness after the Bethenny/ Jill drama and right before the Kelly insanity.  Sonja's definitely emerged as my favorite--- funny, self-deprecating, horny, and rather normal.  On the other couch and at the opposite end of the normal scale we have bat shit crazy Kelly Bensimon.  When it was her turn to weigh in on what happened on "Scary Island" she took the oddest counter attack by saying she'd been the victim of systematic bullying and was forced by Bravo to go on that trip. Andy Cohen's calm attempts to tell her that wasn't true made zero impact.  There's no way she came up with that bullying notion on her own.  Picture it--

Kelly's in her downtown NYC apartment doing cartwheels in front of that fiberglass horse she stole from The Met while eating a handful of jelly beans.  There's a knock at the door.  Who could it be?  Al Sharpton?  Bethenny Franklin?  Gwenneth Paltrow, Madonna?  The tooth fairy?  No, it's a Bravo!!!!  Bravo showed up at the door with orders to abduct her.  Kelly flings open the door with a "Hiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee" just as Bravo fires a stun gun at her wonky left boob then throws a giant net on top of her.  Down she goes all 6' 10" of her.  Bravo put her in a cab bound for the airport and the next thing she knows, Kelly's in a jeep on St Johns demanding unprocessed foods like gummy bears and blow pops.  Bravo also kidnapped her children and told her that she doesn't go along with the trip that she'll never see those kids again.  Or worse, Bravo will force Kelly to wear knee-length shorts.  The horror!  That's probably how it went down, right?

Back to the show, Kelly went on and on about how she was systematically bullied and as the others called bullshit on her, Kelly got up and cat-walked off the set.  Cue the Godfather music.  I thought the whole place was going to go up in flames as Kelly tried to argue her unarguable point.

Round two ended with Kelly fleeing the evil Bravo's set.  Wow!  Just wow.  Can episode three top this?  Somehow I imagine it will will as we haven't seen hot-flashing Ramona unleashed yet.  Thursday it is......

In other housewives news, I watched the first ten minutes of The New Jersey show and turned it off.  I don't care.  Danielle and her back-having goons make my skin crawl.... I don't know if I can watch this show anymore.  I'll try and give it another try later if I can stomach it.

Lastly, I know my comment section has been feisty lately.  I don't monitor your remarks- you're free to say what you like but all I ask is that you be respectful to each other.    These reality TV postings poke fun at the antics of attention-starved celebrity wannabes.  I want EVERYONE to feel free to comment and not feel discouraged like their views or opinions will get clobbered.  I'm so thrilled each and every time a comment is left here.  I want the comment section to be lively and fun, not a hate-fest. That's not what I want this site to be.  Satchels of Gold!

Thanks!

LA Pride

This past weekend was Pride in Los Angeles and I saw fit to go check out all the fit and not so fit bodies in West Hollywood.  Those few days were a colorful buzz of activity especially if you were buzzed.  And I was.... for a good chunk of the time.  As my fella and I strolled down Santa Monica Blvd Saturday evening, we came across the most curious and I thought hilarious sight.  So I grabbed my phone and snapped this photo.

Cinderella?!  Somewhere in West Hollywood Saturday evening there must have been a drunken one-shoed drag queen wondering why she was limping.  How intoxicated would you have to be to not notice stepping out of your shoe?  :)  Based on that glamorous high heel, can you even imagine how stunning and sophisticated the rest of that outfit must have been?

New Jersey housewife Danielle Staub is The Grinch whose sex tape will steal your eyeballs!

You know those glossy pharmaceutical commercials which at the end they quickly mention possible side effects you may suffer: night terrors, nausea, suicidal thoughts, vomiting, gas with an oily discharge (my favorite)............  Well something that's guaranteed to yield all those plus: pulling out of eyeballs, loss of appetite, chewing off your fingernails, and soaking your body in bleach is Danielle Staub's sex tape.  If you can handle it, some stills have leaked (eww!) onto the internet.  Really be warned as you can't unlook at them.  And if you can stomach those pictures, brace yourself, there's a sneak peak clip on Fleshbot.  It's a wonderfully explicit adult site so please no peaking unless you're over 18.  And have consulted a doctor.  If you don't have the stomach to look at any of those links, I've created my own picture of Miss Staub who as many say--- resembles The Grinch.  Ha ha ah ah ha ha!!!!  She really does.  Here's a partial peak.

And the full shot in the second half of this posting.