Pretty On The Outside

The Real Housewives of NYC. Jill Zarin is a..................

I watched an especially disturbing episode of Hoarders last night (aren't they all though) which caused me to take survey of everything in my home today.  My fella and I have a weakness for bric-a-brac: owl figurines, tiny bronze deer, hummingbird sculptures, and don't even get me started on our wooden ducks........... When you mix that fabulousness (?) with mountains of interior magazines, art books and art supplies galore--- you've got the makings of the gayest episode of Hoarders ever.  As a result, today has been a blur of cleaning, purging, and organizing.  Feels great!  Feels free like being on a pair of ice skates.  That's a stretch but I want to tie in this little illustration I did of Jill somehow. 

 

That's Mrs Zarin in her ridiculous ice skating dress right before she bit it.  Was it wrong to laugh while watching Jill fall on her ass?  Of course not.  That wipeout seemed the perfect metaphor for her behavior and, in my opinion, her fall in likability this season.  I thought she was fun as the unapologetically uppity woman of privilege last year but this season she's just annoying.  And that voice.............  Here's how she really looked and you can judge for yourself if I'm off in my depiction.

Anyway this posting is going to be as short as that dress as all I can truly focus on is getting back to my de-hoarding.  So I'll ask you all my hilarious commenters to comment away on this week's episode.  What did you think of: Alex and Bethenny's reaction to Jill's surprise appearance on Shutter Island, Sonja's artist "friend", Kelly's attempt to rewrite her meltdown, and of course Jill's ice skating?  Also, perhaps you can answer the question in the title of this posting......

Jill Zarin is:

A. The owner of a voice that sounds like a horn.

B.  A great ice skater.

C.  As good a friend as she is an ice skater.

D. Fill in the blank.

That's all for this silliness.  Hope you all are having a lovely Memorial Day weekend.  Until we meet again.........

xoxo

Countess Luann's new video.

In a plot twist that I think only 'The Sixth Sense' director M. Night Shyamalan could have conceived, Countess Luann of The Real Housewives of NYC has reinvented herself this season as a pop star complete with music video.  Why not?  If Kim Zolciak can do it, then any Real Housewife has that potential.  I'm waiting for Ramona Singer's "Pinot gave me crazy eyes."  And perhaps Alexis Bellino's "They call me Jesus Barbie."  In the meanwhile, enjoy the blurred audio/ visual atrocity.  Don't bother rubbing your eyes, they filmed Luann with the Rupaul/ Cher/ Barbara Walters cam.

Fun finds.............

Best undressed vampire news ever!  Alexander Skarsgard aka Eric from True Blood will be au naturel in season three.  Praise be!!!!!!!  Warning---- a ridiculously hot ass in the link.  You're welcome by the way.  Oh La La Mag

Behind the scenes of MDG ft. Madonna by Steven Klein.  Homotography

 

Kelly Bensimon tries to explain her behavior.  Ha ha hee hee cah ray zee!  US Mag

Astonishing embroidery.  Lauren DiCioccio

 

Sneak a peak at the sketchbook of Jorge Gonzalez.  Drawn

Brad Goreski from The Rachel Zoe Project is looking good!

I was zipping around the web this morning and stumbled across some rather playfully appealing photos of Brad from bravo's reality TV show The Rachel Zoe Project.  Brad is the adorable assistant to the pin-thin stylist Rachel Zoe who's fond of wearing bow ties, quick to blush, and will cry if pushed too hard.  I share those last two traits by the way.  As I watched the premier of her show back in September of 2008, I did this quick (5 minute) sketch of him.

The appealing shots of him today came courtesy of photographer Terry Richardson's blog.

Here's a photo of Brad, Terry, and Rachel.

The photo which has forever changed the way I view Brad is after the jump.....

The Real Housewives of NYC. You can't handle the satchels of gold!

The very first Real Housewife posting I ever did was back in January of 2007.  Crazy, huh?  It's hard to believe that I've been at this madness for nearly three and a half years.  You can click here to see my first drawing of Lauri Waring- frozen in time.  I clearly remember the day I did that pen sketch--- putting down my glass of cabernet, hitting pause on the tivo remote as Lauri was lamenting her fading youth, savoring her ice rink-frozen forehead paired with a hot dog bun-sized upper lip, grabbing a pen, and beginning to sketch.  Fond memories.  It all seems so vanilla in retrospect- the gals of the OC dishing their passive aggressive gossip and being embarrassed to the point of tears when confronted about that during the reunion shows.  Kiss that innocence goodbye!  Flash forward three and a half years and now there's four on the verge of five different Housewives series and a bouquet of delusional flowers that would include the likes of: Danielle Staub, SheRee Whitfield, Kim Zolciak, her majesty the CoUNTess Luann, and the most wacked out one of them all- Kelly Bensimon.  She's the queen bee of the lithium league.  Her beyond beyond beyond crazy behavior on Thursday's show marked a new high/ low in reality TV moments.  Not since Britney Spears shaved her head and attacked that car with an umbrella have we witnessed an unraveling on such an epic scale.  With equal parts glee and concern my guy and I watched Kelly's meltdown.  Actually, that's 90% glee and 10% concern. 

Before I get into everything, I've prepared an image which sums up what I came away with after viewing the last episode.  Kelly as Britney attacking a car with Bethenny's skinny girl logo as a blizzard of lollipops fall from the sky.

Click on the image to enlarge.

The Real Housewives of NYC. Kelly goes Krazy.

I'm posting this in anticipation of tonight's episode where it looks as though short-skirted, short-shorted, short-tempered Kelly Bensimon completely loses it.  We're talking straight jacket crazy folks.

As my friend Jim says, "The elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor."  No, on Kelly the elevator only goes to about mid-exposed thigh.  Taking Kelly out of Manhattan and putting her on a yacht with Bethenny, Ramona, Sonja, and Alex for Ramona's "I'm bat sh*t bonkers and I want you all to celebrate with me" Pinot Grigio-drenched cruise really has released the Kraken!  Or released/ unleashed the Krazy Kelly Kraken.  Makes for good TV I'll say.  Kelly is of course a former model and I can't be certain but I suspect the following is a look that she should be sporting after tonight's episode.

Straight jacket paired with red short-shorts, strappy heels, wonky knockers, tousled locks, and orange skin--- G.O.R.E.O.U.S!  Don't be surprised if you see her running down Madison Ave wearing that or if she chooses that look for the reunion show.  Either way I do believe I may have found my Halloween costume.  Thanks Kelly!

Want to own a copy of that for yourself?  It's on my etsy shop.  Click on over and have a look.

Previous NYC recaps can be seen here.

Thanks!

Martinique is C.U.T.E.!.

Back to back postings about my 11 year old nephew and his mannequin muse Martinique.  Woo hoo!!!  As I was writing up yesterday's posting, I received five new Martinique photos and couldn't wait to share them.  But before I do, it's with a bit of hesitation that I write this next part.  I've touched on this once previously and I'm mentioning it again now as I hope it will make you appreciate his talent and perseverance even more.  My nephew has been struggling with an especially nasty illness for about the last six years.  It comes and goes but it's presence lingers.  I've referred to it as the bad bunnies and will continue to do so.  Those bunnies have been especially bad of late and they're trying to nibble away at him and his creativity.  Very, very bad bunnies.  I don't mean to make light of his situation and the gravity of it by assigning such a silly name but somehow it's easier to type bad bunnies than the real illness.  So when those darn bunnies are up to no good, my nephew finds joy and light in creating outfits for Martinique and his favorite place to shop is Forever 21.  My sister being the great mom she is happily takes her son to a women's clothing store and let's him get a number of items from time to time.  Bravo sis!  I said it yesterday and I'll say it again here.... putting it out there to the blog-o-sphere,  I want Martinique to be the face of Forever 21.  I want her to be in their catalogs as styled by my nephew.  I want her to receive at least 30 new outfits per month.  Are you listening cooperate Forever 21?  We'll be awaiting your response.....

I received five separate emails yesterday each other beginning with a single letter. 

Here goes the first one titled "C".

The second image was titled "U".

The third was labeled "T".

And the forth was titled "E".

And the last was given an "!".

I will absolutely call that CUTE!  Cute, chic, wonderful, creative, bright, bold, and full of talent--- that's my nephew. 

Bad bunnies be gone! 

Previous postings about Martinique and my nephew can be seen here.

Thanks everyone for your nice comments and messages about my nephew.

Midweek madness.......

Just a few things that caught my eye today.

Bello Mag #17 fashion feature.  Oh La La Mag

NeNe Leakes from The Real Housewives of Atlanta got a new nose.  Thoughts?  I would never have known that was her.  Dlisted

Daniel Craig and friend popped into a gay bar called Roosterfish in Venice CA over the weekend.  That sounds like the beginning of a joke doesn't it?  I suppose the joke is on me though as I was at that bar the weekend before..... Bad timing I suppose.  In my fantasy, he was wearing that little blue square-cut swimsuit from Casino Royale at the Roosterfish and was checking out my site via his iPhone and hoping that I'd show up.  A boy can dream, right?  Kenneth In The 212

In case you missed Countess Luann's triumphant (?) debut of her spoken word over a St Tropez beat- Chic, C'est La Vie.......  It's definitely better than Money Can't Buy You Class but that's not saying much.  OMGblog

Did any of you watch Bravo's Make Me A Supermodel?  I think Ronnie Kroell won... can't remember, but he's clearly a winner in the looks department.  He'll be "modeling" in Playgirl and I'd like to personally thank Bravo.  Thank you Bravo for all that you do.  La Rag Mag

Thanks Jennifer for sending me the NeNe link.  And thanks to all of you who send me various web-links and breaking news tips.  Really appreciate that!

Martinique is back and she's as chic as ever!

It's been forever since I've posted about my talented 11 year nephew and his mannequin muse Martinique or Martini for short.  As it's been an eternity, I'll try and briefly get you all caught up.  My brother had a summer restaurant job at the mall in town when he was 16 and one afternoon while taking the trash out, he discovered a female-display mannequin in the dumpster area.  A department store deemed her garbage.  The nerve!  My brother who was always in some sort of a band kept the mannequin in his room and whenever his band would play, she would be on the stage usually wearing nothing but a tie or baseball cap.  The nerve!  At a certain point he grew tired of her and that's when I swept in to treat her in the respectful manner she deserved.  I was 10.  No longer was she to be referred to as "the mannequin" as I named her Jennifer and while other boys my age were trying to perfect their baseball pitching ability or dribbling/ layup/ free throw skills, I was busy in my bedroom applying lipstick I'd snuck from my mom's purse onto her.  It was something I hid at first but as time passed, I'd share with my family how I'd dressed her or if I'd executed an especially successful smokey eye.  My dad would look at me with a mix of confusion and honestly a bit of disappointment as I proudly presented Jennifer in my mom's swimsuit, head scarf, and flawless makeup.  My father would ask, "Don't you want to learn how to kick a field goal?"  My answer was always something like, "Why would I want to do that?"  As my nephew said when he was about five, "I like what I like."  Amen.  I dressed up/ made up Jennifer for years and years.  Now it seems the mannequin baton has been passed along.

My sister's younger son has an affinity for glamor.  He's glamor-focused.  Glamor-centered.  Glamorific.  When he was 9 his mom purchased him a mannequin at a store which was going out of business.  Their loss was a significant gain for my nephew.  He named her Martinique and over nearly the last two years, I've been getting emailed photos of her in various perfectly styled outfits. 

That's Martinique.  All the photos are taken by him with his mom's iPhone.  The photo quality can be a bit off with the iPhone indoors so I've boosted the colors a bit here and there.  My nephew's favorite store is Forever 21 and every so often he gets to go on a small shopping spree.  And then I fortunately get sent some pictures.  

My sister and her two sons were in town recently and we met up at The Grove in LA-- a fun and kooky Disneyland-ish shopping area.  Very L.A.  Anyway, my sis and her older son went off to Nordstroms to get him a tshirt while the younger glamor-grounded son and I beelined to Forever 21.  He got $25 to spend and it was like I was with Rachel Zoe or some high-power stylist as my nephew scoured that store for the absolute perfect outfit that fit his budget and sensibilities.  I wish that spree was caught on camera because you all would have loved watching his design aesthetic and clothing evaluation skills in full force.  In no time he'd picked: a flowery-flirty top, leggings, a head band, fake eyelashes (poor girl got no lashes), bracelets, and a nail polish all for $25.  Giving away the glamor I say!!!  I went back to their hotel and as my older nephew boasted about the giant dump he'd just taken (you're welcome) my younger nephew unfazed presented the new items on the bed and began the styling magic.

 

We took turns trying on the headbands and I said I couldn't wait to see that outfit on Martinique.  The next day shortly after they returned, this photo came in........

 

The photo was a bit dark so I took some liberties with the lighting as I felt this looked more like a page from a fashion mag.  It's just a matter of time........

The Real Housewives of NYC. Ship happens.

Hello again.  I accidentally slipped and fell off the face of the blog world recently which occasionally happens.  I really appreciate you all continuing to leave your input on the shows during my absence.  So..... there have been three NYC Housewives episodes whilst I was gone.  Lord that mercy.  From three episodes ago what stands out the most was the new housewife Sonja- who appears to be insanely loaded, fairly neutral, and probably a bit bored- had her psychic or medium over to do a reading.  I'm just going to say it, her medium is an extra-large.  That's terrible to write, but it's true.  Come on.  And she was missing at least half her teeth.  I'm sure Sonja could ebay list one of her toile table runners or photo collection of Argentian one-night stands and buy that poor woman some dentures.  And maybe a hat.  I'm also sure Jill wined and bitched and demanded being the center of attention at all times.  Naturally.  Bobby, get me a medium.  Bobby, get me a medium with all her teeth.  Bobby......

Last week was when Alex tried to make an impression on Jill by telling her that she's "in high school and a mean girl."  True and true.  Jill's mouth, of course, was set on machine gun mode as she rattled on nonstop deflecting Alex's jabs.  Luann was there to throw her blanket of darling comments over Jill to comfort her.  If Jill wasn't such a self-absorbed nut-bag... well, she probably won't be on that show.  So if she was just a slightly scaled back nut-bag and not so needy, she wouldn't have to have Luann draped all over her.  Those two wackos are made for each other.

Last night, Ramona's Vaginal Rejuvenation World Tour kicked off in St Johns aboard a beautiful rented yacht with her contractually obligated friends: Bethenny, Kelly, Sonja, and Alex.  Out of the country Ramona might have been even wilder if that's possible.

 

It's as if the ocean was full of Pinot Grigio and she was hell bent on drinking it dry.  Ramona wore countless bikinis, Ramona drank countless glasses of wine, Ramona danced, Ramona got hammered and tried to shu..ah...uut Kelly doooownnn.  God I love Ramona.  I really do.  She's a spunky little dog that every now and then might bite you. 

I'm not quite sure what to make of Kelly.  Is she crazy?  Yes.  Is she dumb as a rock?  Yes.  Has she just gotten by in life because she's pretty?  Yes.  Clearly she's without a sense of humor or much general knowledge.  Yes and yes.  I love that on the ride to the yacht, Kelly was telling the other ladies that she doesn't eat processed food or high fructose corn syrup but does eat gummy bears.  When Bethenny pointed out that that's what gummy bears are made from, Kelly countered with "they're fun."  Huh?  Is fun a food group?  I'm actually glad she's on the show as she clearly doesn't understand most of what's going on around her.  Or how to open a door on a boat, or that wine is made from grapes, or that having a one-night stand doesn't mean it's unprotected sex, or........  I love what Kelly doesn't know.  Hell I think Kelly should write a book called, "What Kelly Doesn't Know."  I'd buy it.

Speaking of authors, Luann is treating us to her latest talent--- singing.  I love that too. Luann is a triple threat: author, singer, countess, and man eater.  Wait, that's fourth things.  While the other gals were in St Johns, the Countess was getting frisky with this hot piece.

I caption that, "Kiss Kiss Yuck Yuck."  He looks like Sonja's medium.  Ha!!!  No, he looks like Rod Stewart transitioning into Melissa Ethridge.  During this awkwardly sizzling kissing scene, I put my hand over my mouth so my cabernet wouldn't come shooting out.  I mean.... really, it was like the opening scene of The Ring.

Jill wasn't on last night and you know what, I liked that.  I also liked Alex a lot and Sonja is totally growing on me. 

So.... that's it.  Short and sweet.  Just sticking my toe back in the posting world.  I'll be back to regular posting soon.

If you're renting a yacht and want that drawing I did of Ramona to accompany you, it's for sale on my etsy shop here.

Thanks!

xoxo