Ramona Singer and Luann De Lesseps are a couple of dolls.

Oopsy............ I slipped and fell off the face of the blog world recently which occasionally happens.  As a free-lance artist, sometimes I get busy with projects that require my undivided focus.  The last posting I did was about the portrait I made for Real Housewife of the OC Vicki Gunvalson and the eight people who work with her.  Thanks for all the nice comments by the way!  That was just one small project but the other big time-consumer is done for now...... soooooooooooooo back to posting I go! 

Another thanks to everyone who purchased my Alexis and Jim Bellino aka Jesus Barbie and her King paper dolls.  Great karma to all of you who support the silly arts.  Much appreciated!  I had planned to make dolls of the NYC gals but sadly I just didn't have the time.  Over the last couple of days though, I have begun creating them.  I started with the two housewives who, in my opinion, are bookends on the crazy scale: Ramona and Luann.  Ramona's crazy is right there on the surface.  You don't have to dig to find it.  Her crazy is complete and alive and fun to watch.  It's as if she was a feral child who somehow pulled it together- moved to Manhattan, got married, had a daughter, has a career, and now that there's Bravo cameras around, she's reverting back to her wild state.  I wouldn't be surprised if Ramona bites a cast member this season.  She's the quickest to wrath out of all of them and has no problem being inappropriate in public. All traits I enjoy in a reality TV character.  I offer you the Ramona or Ramaniac paper doll.

These are printed with my Canon i9900 printer on heavy 8.5" x 11" card stock.  This first of two pages is the lovely Ramona giving us the "crazy eyes."  The two outfits are pulled right from this season.  The tracksuit is similar to the one she wore last week while crossing the Brooklyn Bridge with Bethenny and basically told her she was alone and would probably screw up her current relationship.  That's the feral Ramona I love.  Instead of the Tru Beauty or Tru Renewal or whatever the f**k her company is called, I put her in a more appropriate slogan t-shirt "Truly Nuts."  Think that says it rather succinctly.  The dress is the one she'll be wearing on tonight's show during her runway debut which causes her to temporarily (?) lose her mind. 

Page two is an array of outfits Ramona has worn on the show and one I took liberties with.  Can you guess which one I made up?  Starting in the upper left hand corner we have the dress in which she danced her cooch off, followed by a disco jumpsuit, a night on the town look, and a tennis ensemble.  If you'd like to own these Ramona paper dolls, and I hope you will, for the low, low, low price of $17 you can have both prints.  One price.  Please click here for purchase info. 

On the other end of the crazy scale is CoUNTess Luann De Lesseps.  She's a Native American Indian from Connecticut turned Countess turned etiquette dispenser turned singer in an upcoming episode.  What next?  Juggler?  Sword swallower?  Speaking of sword swallowing, if the allusions are correct then our CoUNTess just might be a swinger.  Ramona is dropping hints and the other women are tip-toeing around the issue.  Juicy!  At first glance you probably wouldn't put her on the crazy scale but looks, as they often times are, can be deceiving.  She may be the wackiest one out of them all.  She's a cocktail made up of equal parts: Mommy Dearest, Serial Mom, and off-the-charts man-eating abilities--- served chilled in a martini glass straight up.  Luann is so condescending and so uppity and so full of herself and the title which she married into that she is a joy to watch as well.  The way in which she's acting as Jill's protector in the ridiculous self-involved bullshit fight Jill and Bethenny are having.... I think the CoUNTess is trying to make herself look good by sticking her penis nose where it doesn't need to be. 

Page one is the lovely Luann and a Halloween costume she wore celebrating her heritage.  There's also a turquoise necklace which can be paired with any of the looks.  Is it me or are her necklaces getting bigger and bigger and almost Lady GaGa-ish as the season goes on?

Page two is an array of designs starting in the upper left hand corner with the black and white striped dress Lady GaGa wore in her "Telephone" video (I was taking her daring necklace drama cue with the GaGa inspiration), a true Countess dress I found googling French Countess, a cocktail/ cock-tease dress which says I'm single and ready to mingle if you're filthy rich.  If you'd like to own these CoUNTess paper dolls, and I hope you will, then please click here for purchasing info.

I know I've missed several episodes while I was busy with work so feel free to comment away on those.  Tonight's episode with Ramona on the catwalk should prove to be one of the all time best moments.  She's serving stone cold crazy and I'm eating it up!

While I have you, just a reminder of the painting I made of the gals which one of the NYC housewives owns.

Purchase info for that can be found here.

More dolls coming soon.............

Previous NYC recaps can be found here.

Thanks everyone for sticking around.

xoxo

Comments

[dbr]

Awesome! We are back on track. DG kicks mucho culo.

[leeain]

This one of hell of funny little thing!

[Blisterina]

Ramona as feral child! Of course! And that disco suit? Pure Eddy Monsoon. Beauty!

Gawd, can you imagine the CoUNTess in twenty years, with that cigarette voice and giant jewelry? Yipes.

Welcome back.

[CMF]

You're mind, humour and art are truly gifts!!! I haven't even watched last week's episode, ( but I will now) - I've been checking in here religiously instead! I'm waiting to see the Bethenny (she's of the most obnoxious entitled not really housewive variety") paper doll, expecting to see a maternity dominatrix outfit, with both a leather mask to MUFFle her verbal diatribes... and of course a leash for Mr. Va-Jason Hoppy. I think you should go all out and provide the "Hoppy couple" with a "safe" word, too! (I'm still thinking about what that could be? How about a safe phrase - "GET A HOPPY"!!? Any suggestions?)
Hugs from Canada! xo

[CMF]

Oops, first sentence, I meant "Your" not "you're".
:)

[CMF]

David, you may have to re-do your Alexis Bellino RHOC paper doll. She changed her face ( and Lord knows what else - yet again! Check out the photos...

http://www.realitytea.com/2010/04/09/oc-housewives-alexis-bellino-has-a-new-face/

[dbr]

The 'theatrical" jewelry which wears the Countess DeLesseps (CDLS or simply "Luann" to the vulgar) is indeed getting bigger and bigger, David.

I am afraid the necklesses will require a show of their own at some point or do a hostile take-over of QVC.

Holy crap! There has to be some kind of new adjective to describe Native American inspired turquoise boulders which are worn around the neck like some kind of medieval penance.

"These are the sacred stones of the Hamptons Hiawatha. The penitent shall wear this ridiculous gaudy monstrosity for an entire season in retribution for a perverse and ostentatious attempting to show American Indian roots."

Her Bentley has this wonderful dream catcher hanging from the rear view mirror. And some Apache seat cusions she got from Santa Fe.

[Ronnie]

Thank goodness you are back!!! Bravo blocks comments, claiming my name is being used by someone else with my email whatever! Anyway, these women are nuts!! Bethenny or Beth Frankenstein - the very bad actress JUST ADMITTED on her own blog that THE PREGNANCY WAS PLANNED MAINLY BY Jason (who knew he had ovaries) AND SHE DIDN'T KNOW IT WOULD HAPPEN SO FAST. Wow! I wonder who will plan the divorce when teh spin off is done filming? Ramona was right about one thing -presswhore...what happend to Bethenny bakes...hmmm. More like bethenny drinks and picks up a random guy who could marry her and inpregnate her...well at least she got what she wanted for Christmas this year. Enough of her. I love Kelly and I am so glad she is speaking up. Ramona is very jealous her and so is Luanne the fool. Brining up Max...Kelly totally ignored the comment with class. Max never wanted Luanne so who cares if the newest skank of NY had him. Kelly didn't. Ramona needs to RENEW HER MEMEMBERSHIP AT AA THE FUNCTIONING ALCOHOLIC. Period. Jill is blowing things up or as Beth Frankenstein favorite word "enourmous", but I think Jill was sick of Bethenny using her and wanted out of the relationship. I am looking forward to the NJ housewives. A train wreck if I ever saw one. These NY betta enjoy it while it last. So embarassing...

[Joe]

Hysterical and I couldn't agree more with the observations. Luann really has been acting as a bodyguard for Jill this season. I love how she explains her sleep overs at Jill's.....I usually stay in a Hotel but I thought it would be fun to see what it's like staying at Jill's house.....or whatever the BS. Gimme a break. It's cheaper staying with a friend and she knows it. I'm sure she could afford a hotel room I'm just saying I think she's a bit more aware of her financial situation than before. The way she explains it reads very down on her luck and trying to cover.

[Maritsa]

lmao! You are too much. You make my day.

[aKa]

You just reminded me that Luann doesn't even live in NYC this season, so she doesn't qualify as a NYC Housewife.
Thank-you Gilmore for immortalizing Ramona's fashion-show outfit.
The dirt on this season is starting to get hot & heavy, and yeah, so is the Bravo censorship.
That's ok, I had to start my own blog 'cause Bravo's TWOP was to strict, and I've collected ALL the dirt.
(and it really is down & dirty)
I even found a Bravo MOLE on Twitter.
The good news is that rumor has it, Jill's "gay husband" Brad is writing a tell-all of his own.
Just what does a divorce with one's "gay husband" look-like?
I don't know but this season looks like a big hot mess.

[Suz]

Soooooooo Missed you David!
Was Bethenny born in a barn- do we really need to see the urination process? She won't be writing a "manners" book anytime soon.
Although the leather for her paper doll would be good and the dog collar for Jason.
Can't wait for Brad's tell all book.
I have taken care of feral cats before and all are better mannered than Ramona and look less rabid.
But good analogy.
Ramona is like the feral tomcat chasing those poor female ferals.
Again another housewife series where we can all pat ourselves on the back that we all have so much more class than they do.

What is up with the Bravo blog comment section.
They are only publishing positive comments.
Really, what fun is that?

[cher SF GIRL]

Funniest line of the show delivered by Bethenny as usual...
"unless you're sleeping with the woman on the automated machine..."

"Know it all" Gloria on the after show....annoys the hell out of me. Please get her off the show and ship her back to wherever she resides.

New "non-housewife" obsessed with nailing every guy in sight and then bragging about it...eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww, yuck, very unattractive, seemingly desperate behavior. If she was hot I could excuse it and say "you go girl" but she's not.

Jill, needs a hobby.

Alex & Simon, I love you both. It would be fun to be friends with you in real life...and Bethenny too.

Thanks Gilmore for your reliably humorous and accurate assessment of this kooky group of suspects.

cher in SF

[Petite Maoiste]

OMG you are an artist! The crazy eyes are so terrifyingly accurately rendered. And the description of Ramona as "feral" is brilliant. LOL
Also, I too caught the bi-curious hints, what was up with the homosocial tension with Jill during that bedtime scene? It was a bit like Desert Hearts. ;-)

[Alyssa]

Welcome back! I feel like such a celebrity since you sent me a personal message. It made my week!
This recap was totally worth the wait.

[Bryan]

I agree with Suz about Skinny Prego, that was the scene stealer of the night, watching her take a piss on the "yes/no baby stick"

Like so many of her rabid nitwit fans post on the bravo site, "Bitch was keepin it REALS"

Peasants!

[Suz]

Bryan,
"skinny Prego" priceless, that can be the title of her next book for all her "keep it real girl" fans.

[Diane]

Well played, sir. WELL PLAYED INDEED!

[Michelle]

My comment: Who the F is Sonja? Why do we care what you have to say? - And she has a lot to say!
Isn't there enough crazy to go around?

P.S.: Glad your true artistic talents keep you busy but I was beginning to twitch without your recaps!

[Maria]

Thank god you are BACK!!!! Love, love, love you and your fantastic recaps of the housewives along with your brilliant, hilarious, priceless artwork! You are a complete gem! And since you so sweetly showed your picture with Vicki with an "i" might I say how absolutely hot and oh so handsome you are! David you are so precious! And what a gift you are!!

Your description of the Ramoniac as a feral cat is dead on and priceless! Once again you had me laughing so hard I was crying! This season of the NYC gals is off the charts crazy!

The weird thing is that Kelly is kind of growing on me! I loved it that she walked in Alex's show in Brooklyn! And also taking time out to help Simon with his wardrobe was so great of her and it was great tv! Oh my god! The way Simon kept coming out of the dressing room practically naked and telling Kelly to look! LOL!! But I really do think it is wonderful that Kelly did that for Alex!

Thank you once again for posting your recap of the NYC gals! I had been salivating waiting for your next recap!! I hope that doesn't sound too obsessive! But like I have said before, you are better than prozac!! Thank you for lighting up my day and week!

Sending you everything great and fabulous the universe has to offer! You deserve all of that and more!

[Hillary]

When you make the Bethenny doll, and I'm praying thatyou do, please include a pregnancy test accessory so we can all act out that grotesque scene where we got to see her pull her pants down and go pee at home. It also bothered me to no end how she didn't wash her hands afterward. I'm sure her dog really appreciated that. I imagine that following that, she went and baked some anorexia cookies in her kitchen.

[Maria]

Just one more thing....to the poster who wrote that Ramona needs to renew her MEMBERSHIP AT AA THE FUNCTIONING ALCOHOLIC. Period. LOLLLLL!!!! You made me laugh so hard my sides began to hurt and I again had tears streaming down my face from so much laughter! THANK YOU for that!!

OMG!! These girls are a hot, hot mess this season! Thank you once again for the laughter!! Kudos to you!

[Suz]

David,
Can't wait to see what you have to say about Sonja?
I predict big fights between Sonja and Bethenny.
They made it sound like Sonja has been around the block more than a few times- and sounds like she was as old as dirt. Don't ya know that at night when she removes her makeup her face is as wrinkled as a 90 year old.

[Bryan]

Someone commented about BRAVE-HO posting only positive comments. They are, except on Jill Zarin's comment section, all these self righteous Bethenney teet suckers are waving their cyber fingers at Jill. I like Jill.

I like watching her and La faux Contessa. When jill said she the countess would keep driving by that sad rotary neighboorhood fashion show. I could hear her now, "Good lord driver keep going!!"

Did we really need to see Skinny Prego re-enacting an EPT commerical!? no we didn't!!, What's next, Ramoner taking a dump and we get to her the sounds!?!?
Or Sonjak doing herself with one of her many vibrators, Waterford dilldoes or "on call fuck-buddies".

Sonjak by the way is suppose to be according to wikipedia 47. It doesn't suprise me that she and Cat Walk Crazy were friends in days of yore. Can you imagine those two dressed like Madonna running the streets of Manhattan in the 80's!?!?

[Bryan]

JUST SAW THOSE ALEXIS PHOTOS!!, looks like she has reduced the mouth so she isn't so much the duck face from certain angles!!!

OY!!! she and Heidi Montage should comapare surgeries

[dbr]

"I predict big fights between Sonja and Bethenny."

Don't think so Suz, Sonja is probably the methany replacement.

I love that she was doing "max-max" round the same time kell-kell was. Sloppy max-maxes! LOL!

Bite the Big Apple.

"La Faux Contessa" Merci pour ce Bryan
Très vrai
Can't wait for Luann's new song, “Money Can’t Buy You Class” to *drop* Its gonna be off da hookie, ironic yo. Elegance can be learned and it can also be faked.

Housewives Franchise offers a great public service.

Class and Elegance with Cougar Countess Luann
Parenting skills with OC Lynne
Financial Management with Tamra ex-Barney
Religious studies with Alexis D'Cuppes

etc...

[Aimee Perry]

Missed you!

[RebeccaJ]

LOL! I heart that "truly nuts" t shirt!!

[Michele]

Thank you, another triumph. I love these dolls and I've headed over to buy a few. But I would like to say that the eyes are amazing on both dolls. It's astounding how you can do this so effortlessly. You really are able to capture these women. As a serious and accomplished artist I know you have very high standards, but please never think this is silly or beneath you. There's a lot here and we all know that the intersection of Art and Commerce is one of the toughest to negotiate without incurring bodily injury.

I have to echo the comments made here by many others. I love the feral cat analogy with Ramona, but she makes for great TV because she just doesn't get it. She thinks it's cool to walk up to someone and ask them if her nipples are straight. Crazy like that is precious and needs to be celebrated.

And I agree, she's not taking her doctor's advice. The pills don't mix well with the booze. Bad pharma always makes for good reality TV. Keep it coming Ramaniac. We love you.

And LuAnn, my goodness. You're right about her being the other side of the crazy spectrum. It's all just underneath the surface percolating. And totally, the jewelry has to stop. How long before she shows up looking like Flavaflav or whoever the guy with the pave diamond clock around his neck is?

[Michele]

In defense of feral cats.

I really liked the Ramona feral cat analogy, priceless. But in defense of these animals I have adopted a few formerly feral older cats and they are so mellow it's hard to believe.

I first got Charlie, a ten year old FIV + cat. Apparently the rescue society trapped him and because he was FIV + and sweet they rehabbed him and put him up for adoption.

I took a chance and asked the shelter if we could do a tryout. I thought he'd be some dirty alley cat that would just come home to eat. I was okay with that but I didn't want him destroying everything in my house and spraying everywhere. I could not have been more wrong. He's not even a fighter. The cat was in the closet for a month before he adjusted to my home and now he's this spoiled totally domesticated love bug that won't even go to the bathroom outside. I shit you not, pun intended. The cat will hold it if he's outside and when I let him in he runs downstairs to do his business. This pisses me off, also intended, but it shows that animals can respond to warmth and security even if they've been abandoned and screwed over by people in the past.

While I agree that many ferals can be overly aggressive readers should know that if they go to a shelter they'll get a dog or cat that is perfectly suited for their home environment. So check out a shelter for an abandoned pet when you're in the market. The advantage is that many of these shelters know the pets' personalities. So if you're honest about what you want in a pet they can totally hook you up with your perfect pup or putty tat.

[Michele]

Holy shit, this just blew my mind. Perusing around these last few entries trying to get current on your posts and Real recaps and I can't help but wonder.

Is Luann the embodiment of the "fairy tale gone horribly wrong" picture you posted? The picture of the cheap bridesmaid shoe and the bottle of bud avec le cup de plastique. How can that be a mere coincidence. HOW?

[Jodi]

I am now going to spend the rest of the day getting caught up on your blog. I have to feed my "dirty little secret".
I have only one comment about Bethenny and the pee stick. I was thinking while watching that, "Bitch, drink some water! The last time I saw pee that color it was coming out of a diabetic!"

[Gary]

You are So Amazing It Makes My Head Spin. Hit Me Up on My Web Site, I wanna be your Friend.