The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Short and shkeevy.

The title of this describes Teresa's husband and this posting in general.

I have a fun mural project I'm working on this week and will share photos of it on Friday.  So, this posting is going to be a bit brief as I have some prep to do for tomorrow.  Now to the show.......
In my opinion, the most memorable scene wasn't when Danielle's alleged sorted past was revealed via her ex-husband's book "Cop Without A Badge", no.  It was all about the dance class.  Some of the ladies and some of their husbands and some of their kids assembled to take a salsa lesson.  Danielle who has professional dance experience worked the sh*t out of the dance floor.  She was giving the most severe I'll f*ck anything that moves- look as she cha-cha'd or step ball changed or whatever you do while salsa-ing.  At one point she danced with the Godmother Caroline's 22 year old son and the kid compared the experience to riding a roller coaster.  I say appropriate.  Caroline's eyes fixed on Danielle's hands in case they got anywhere near her son's special parts as her fingers lovingly traced the pistol in her purse. 
Partner's were rotated and Danielle was paired with Joe, Teresa's husband.  As the handsome dance instructor spoke to the group, Teresa's thick and juicy and remedial husband said, "He's so gay, c'mon."  To which Teresa laughed and snorted from across the room, "That's his favorite word." 
Danielle, my hero, threatened to knee Joe in the balls for the gay slur.  Point goes to Danielle. 
Then as the class ended, Joe said, "Come on gay lord" to one of the other guys in the group.
Danielle told him to "Watch his mouth" to which Joe replied, "Be quiet."  The best lines from the evening were delivered by Danielle who quickly responded, "Don't tell me to be quiet.  I'm not your wife!"  Point goes to Danielle.
Teresa, in a confessional moment filmed long after that moment, still seemed confused by the exchange.  "Wait a minute........" she droned, "Is she, like, trying to insult me?"  Wow Teresa, just wow.  It's like an over-priced, over-styled sofa hit you in the head.
Two more quick items as I really need to get to my work for tomorrow...... I just want to acknowledge how normal Danielle's friend of 27 years seemed.  Tommy wasn't the overly primped and oddly styled (Brad) or eccentric (Dwight) type of gay best friends that we usually see on these shows.  He was a calm voice of reason and I must award Danielle another point for having him in her life.
The other tidbit I enjoyed was when Danielle invited Jackie over for some champagne and to tell her to know who her enemies were.  Jackie seems like a sweet heart whose perhaps a bit bored in New Jersey.  She's a cosmetologist from Las Vegas so she's used to colorful characters and it seems like her friendship with Danielle is providing her an out.  Point goes to Jackie.  I do like that after the toast Jackie asked, "Who are my enemies?" 
I'm not sure either.
There you have it: short and shkeevy.  Is Danielle a crazy former extortionist and kidnapper or is she a victim of circumstance?  Don't know, don't care. I'm just glad she's on that show as she's the main reason I've been tuning in.  That and Teresa's hairline.
Former Real Housewives of New Jersey can be seen here.

If you enjoy looking at my drawings online, the next step would be having one or two or three in your home.  Interested?  Click on over to my etsy shop and take a gander.  And your credit card.  :)  Much appreciated!

Comments

[SpecialK]

How much do you love theresa's kids, especially the oldest?? Hate to meet her as an adult but that was my favorite part of this episode. "i'm very in demand these days". Forget the Rock and Gossip Girl. She seriously needs her own reality show.

[angie]

i was impressed that dani stood up to him, people usually just keep their trap shut then complain behind their backs!

i am obsessed with teresa's hairline. isn't there something she can get done? lol. she is very into "looks" so i am surprised this isn't at the top of her to do list.

[M. O'Connell]

"Joey the Juicy," aka "Fat Joey DeShkeeve," keeps $75,000 in cash in the bird feed bin out back, which Theresa pilfered to buy that God-awful furniture. Can't wait for the fake prints of topiary and large candle ensembles undoubtedly going in the kitchen.

[Virginia]

Without knowing Danielle's story - past or present - she is a fucking liar. How do I know this? As she explained to her friend Tommy..."I was just coming home from a shoot"....uh, your honor, may we see the mugshot? Does that look like the face of a "Ford" model? No more questions......... Except one: Danielle, WTF is dribbled down the front of your t-shirt?

[Oh Mandy!]

I love that Theresa thinks her husband is so hot. What did she call him? "Juicy?"

*Shivers*

[atdleft]

Wow. Just wow. Who would have thought that Danielle could go from villain to hero in one episode? Or that Teresa could really be that annoying? Or that Jacqueline could be stuck in the middle of so much drama?

My gawd, I didn't think it could get any crazier than Kellamity on RHoNYC. But then again, I didn't think it could get any trashier than Kim on RHoA. But my gawd, these Jersey Girls are giving all the other "Real Housewives" a run for their money in the trashy AND batsh*t crazy departments!

I just feel sorry for all the real people of New Jersey that must be embarrassed that this show was filmed here.

[trinity]

I concur! Danielle is the most interesting person on this show & I really like Jackie too. The worst to me is Dina. I think your picture of Theresa is perfection, you really captured her! LOL

[wickedorchid]

You silly - Danielle has polefessional dancing experience. From L'Ecole du Pole.

I can't believe that this franchise finds skankier skanks in every new city. I cannot wait to see your interpretations of Danielles botoxily frozen forehead, Theresa's complete lack of forehead and Dina's "naturally" plump lips.

Sorry about the random gay bashing in the danve scene. It was a good depiction of what a neanderthal that Mr. is - money can't buy a lot of things (style, manners, kindness, empathy, respect) beyond onxy and marble.

[jimmy]

I love how you draw Theresa: a barber pole with a hairline, and her goomba husband.

[maggie]

I have zero tolerance for Joe's comments. I hope his daughter never gets any "extra" jobs again,he is vile!!
David your recap was wonderful as always.

[Bryan]

Well as someone who is GAY and who has been GAY for as long as I can rememember. I don't care about the use of Gay for anything else. years ago it was a term for Happy, does anyone here ever hear of movie called "The Gay divorcee" does it have to change it's name now???

In the UK they still call cigs "fags". We need to stop letting words send us into hysterical fits, its ACTIONS!! that concern me alot more then some doof saying GAY. and I would have stayed home, that whole family outing looked dull to me.

I'm also not about to celebrate Danielle for her comment to Teresa's hubby. I think she is a complete LOON and I dont blame those other women if they dont want her around their familes especially their kids.

No one just accidentally gets arrested, you have choices, you make them you need to be responsible for what you do. She sounds like so many other criminals, its always an accident or someone else's fault

Yes she makes good TV though she is as what Chelsea Handler calls, "A Hot Mess" and I cant wait to see what other crap she gets caught up with because this woman is a WRECK.

[Jill]

I would have been humiliated if my husband had behaved the way Teresa's did...makes me wonder why he's so adamant about the word gay and why he can't "love" a sofa. Why is he so worried about his masculinity? Teresa needs to do what Rita Hayworth did and pluck the hairline. But I think I commented once before that i think it's a bit neanderthalish (sp?). I was impressed with Danielle' spunk but this chick's been around several city blocks! I was however surprised that her friend of 27 years seemed to know nothing of her past. My gay husband knows everything about me! More than my straight husband!

[Vern]

The hair explains why Teresa thinks her hubby is.....juicy??????? She can't SEE him through her hair. Or is it the Benjamins that make him look good?

And,I have to agree with Bryan. A word is a word is a word, but don't let a ho near your kids!

[maggie]

Bryan,
I do not believe Joe has the intelligence to know that the term gay was once used describe light hearted joy. For Joe and the many others like him it is a term he uses to intimidate and belittle others. It is not only the definitions of the word it is context, manner and intent with which the word is used that matter. Joe obviously has insecurity about his own sexuality.

[Bryan]

Maggie, Im not about to worry about big dorks like Joe, why care's what he says, we know he probably hasnt got the sense god gave a goose. Only YOU can allow yourself to let someone like him intimidate and belittle you with WORDS. Also im half italian If known his kind, they cry at the drop of lasagna noodle.

I try to keep people like this out of my life, why waste the energy getting upset about this kind of stuff, there are bigger things we could use that energy on, more positive things

Your right about his insecurity, alot of guys like this think that any gay man is after them and think they will be hit on. those that I have ran into who felt this way, I had to let them know that "Your not what all the boys are after."

We really cant let this get under our skins. Dont give people like this the power. When you let them use WORDS as weapons your letting them do that!

Now on a lighter note yet releative to this check THIS out.

http://gawker.com/5277788/coke-whore-danielle-staub-was-also-a-paid-escort-according-to-her-ex

[rigs]

she redeemed herself in my eyes 100%. Theresa is pure trash.

And dina so worried about Greece, it's not ethipia for christ's sake, what a bunch of MORONS these women are. except the pregnancy problem one, she's the only one that seems normal and not really dumb

[elizabeth]

gia needs her own show...so freaking cute and funny...."a lot of people want me these days"

danielle is frickin insane

[maggie]

Bryan,
This is one area where I do not budge, I can't give Joe or anybody like him one inch of slack. I also have zero tolerance for anyone who hurts an animal.
I appreciate the link for Danielle's expose, her ex seems to really have an ax to grind with her past. She certainly lived the 80's, I missed all that by about a year or two also the horrid hair, thank god. Thanks again David for your wonderful site!!!!

[Bryan]

Maggie, you dont have to budge, its cool Im with you on Joe, He is a big yutz,I look at these people and think, I bet they rarely read (with the exception of "Cop without a head" or whatever it was called) I just dont let words bother me. The husband, Danielle, all those people who get involved in crap like that, they have only themselves to blame to whatever misery they brought into their lives.

One thing, what animal was hurt? did I miss something, its late and im getting old.

[Petite Maoiste]

Great drawing. Danielle/Beverly's calling out of the juicy fat macho homophobe almost made me like her. Then I threw up in my mouth a little, watching them all.

[fairmaiden327]

Bryan, that was awesome.

[jbr]

theresa sofa, where did she buy them,,,what store

[Leather Couch]

Partner's were rotated and Danielle was paired with Joe, Teresa's husband. As the handsome dance instructor spoke to the group, Teresa's thick and juicy and remedial husband said, "He's so gay, c'mon." To which Teresa laughed and snorted from across the room, "That's his favorite word."