.... part one. I had two big glasses of wine tonight before starting this posting so please forgive my spelling. Here goes........ For some reason, the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion show was held in an undisclosed warehouse by the railroad tracks on the river. It kind of had the feel like the women should be in silhouette with their voices run through some sort of machine to disguise their identities. And like they all should be smoking, even the pregnant ones: Jackie and Teresa. I think they ought to have held the reunion in that hair salon they all go to, but that's just me. Oh but disguises weren't needed as we've gotten to know (sort of) these women in this impossibly short season. Perhaps it was the awkwardly decorated set (please, please let the Hollywood regency look die already), or maybe there was the sound of bullets flying outside by the train tracks, or could it be that Jackie's water had broken and no one was saying anything--- but it seemed like there was a lot of tension in that warehouse. The women fidgeted, looked at their shoes, and appeared on edge. Danielle for one looked like she was on a horse tranquilizer-drip. She also appeared rather frail and surprisingly, kind of nervous. I thought she'd have been a bit ballsier during their reunion. Maybe during Thursday's part two she'll step it up? Come on Danielle, it's time to channel your former stripper identity. Please bring out Beverly for part two!
My other favorite, Teresa, Teresa, Teresa....
... she remained a very dimly lit bulb with big hair. During her season intro, Teresa declared that she used to have big hair when she was in high school. Please look at that drawing above. Andy Cohen busted her on that statement and she responded that her present style is a 2000 version of big hair. Not 2009 big by the way. Andy went on to ask her about something else she'd said. Teresa had wonderfully expressed that she wouldn't want to live in someone else's house because "that's gross." It's shkeevy to live in a previously owned home because as Teresa explained, the people who had lived there might not have been cleanzy enough. Yes, cleanzy. Which is short for cleanziness I suppose. Oh Teresa.... I might miss you.
I also liked that Andy asked about her squat and shkeevy husband Joe using the phrase it's gay at the dance hall. She tried to explain it away by saying it's just an expression and that she had someone in her home watching that episode who was very gay and he had no problem with that. I'd like to see the guy who Teresa describes as very gay. Andy Cohen said he took offensive to the statement. Go Andy. Caroline chimed in that she has a gay brother and Joe embraces him. I personally wouldn't expect too much from Joe but I don't know him. Maybe he marches in New Jersey's pride parade as a friend to the very gay?
Let's see what Thursday has to offer.....
Drawing of Teresa is done with ink on a piece of 9" x 12" hot pressed watercolor paper.
By the way, I watched one minute of NYC Prep or whatever that shit's called which aired after this reunion show and that was about 58 seconds too many. I can safely say I won't be drawing and recapping that mess. I've had a number of requests to recap True Blood and am wondering how many of you watch that show. It's my #1 favorite but not sure if I should be recapping it? Perhaps....
If you enjoy looking at my drawings online, the next step would be having one or two or three in your home. Interested? Click on over to my etsy shop and take a gander. And your credit card. :) Much appreciated!
I happened to turn off NY Prep after two minutes and logged on to see that you already had a great post put together.
The show was a bit tight lipped on all parts.
Maybe Danielle was taken out back for a talkin to (By Caroline of course) prior to the show.
Dina is one real helium head case - Don't talk about the mafia ties fo the sake of the grand children.....whatever - those greasy kids propably run around telling everyone that they are "connected". Apparently everyone in NJ is.
I have to know who's husband got down and dirty with Danielle..... I know that "you fucked my husband look"
Danielle is sex on heels I am sure that one maybe two have tried to get her attention. Danielle needs to stop trying to kiss this groups ass for approval.
Posted by: R-Chino | June 23, 2009 at 11:00 PM
You should definitely recap True Blood. Eric is smoking hot! Can't stand Jason Stackhouse for some reason, maybe because he's such a himbo.
Posted by: Kim | June 23, 2009 at 11:48 PM
I agree with you completely on everything (especially about the NYC Prep crap)!
Unfortunately, my tivo doesn't seem to want to include the Reunion shows as part of the season, so yet AGAIN I turn the tv on, thinking it's Wednesday and looking for Top Chef and I get a little boost when I see Real Housewives is on, "it's Tuesday?" I think... so I push the "now playing" button... an IT DIDN'T RECORD! AGAIN! I thought I was gonna die when it happened with the NYC Reunion show (parts 1 AND 2- it sees them as different series too!) Anyway, I caught the last 15 minutes... and all I can say is... "ANDY IS GAY?!" I can't believe it! (<--sarcasm)
Anyhoo... this season has just shown me that I was right when I used to say as a little girl growing up in the suburbs on Philadelphia that "all people from NJ are ugly/gross." (BTW- only my younger brother and I were NOT born in NJ)
I hope I've made SOME sense... I can barely keep my eyes open.
KEEP THE BLOGS COMING, I LOVE THEM!
Posted by: Shannon | June 24, 2009 at 12:18 AM
I only saw the last ep of RHoNJ, but they are a big, sc=hkeevey, groos, uneducated mess.
Teresa is an idiot. White trash with money.
Dina is a whore in virgin's clothing.
Caroline used to be a man. And a professional football player.
Danielle is just plain nuts.
Jaqueline, is, well, uh, which one was she again?
Posted by: bob | June 24, 2009 at 03:59 AM
I am going to miss this show SOOOO much. It has become my favorite of all the Housewives. Theresa is just the best isn't she? I would love to have a proscuitto sangwich with her after shopping our asses off..
Posted by: Sue | June 24, 2009 at 04:10 AM
Love your recaps and love True Blood...Lafayette is my fave!
Posted by: Jill | June 24, 2009 at 06:24 AM
I thought the set looked like something from The Lawrence Welk Show!
Posted by: Bonnie | June 24, 2009 at 06:49 AM
Did you hear that Andy Cohen will be hosting his own show called, "Watch What Happens" later this Summer? I think it's going to premiere in July.
Posted by: Anna | June 24, 2009 at 07:07 AM
ooh, please recap True Blood, it is my favorite show. Think of the Lafayette expressions!
Posted by: jen | June 24, 2009 at 07:47 AM
I can't wait for Part 2 on Thursday. I have a feeling that last night was just the warm-up act. Btw, did any of you catch the parody skit on Chelsea Lately (E!)? I so ROTFLMAO!
Btw, I have no problem with "True Blood". I just want to highlight (or should it be lowlight?) the other shkeevy reality shows worth following:
"The Fashion Show" (Bravo)
"Project Runway" (Lifetime? When will it return?)
"Paris Hilton's My New BFF" (MTV, and I can't help it! It's so bad, it's good.)
"New York Goes to Work" (VH1- see above)
These are a few of my favorite teevee guilty pleasures at the moment. Anyone have better ideas?
Posted by: atdleft | June 24, 2009 at 07:53 AM
I haven't gotten to watch the reunion show yet but who needs it when you've got your recap! I love it! By the way, LOVE TRUE BLOOD! Please recap the show.
Posted by: Kolleen | June 24, 2009 at 09:04 AM
TRUE BLOOD! TRUE BLOOD!
I love the NJ housewives! Love the drama!
Posted by: Texas Housewife | June 24, 2009 at 10:07 AM
Please on the True Blood?
Posted by: Carrie | June 24, 2009 at 10:13 AM
Love your work and would really loveee True Blood recaps...that show is the best!
Posted by: Bobbles | June 24, 2009 at 10:16 AM
I think you should DEFINITELY recap True Blood, think it'd be hilarious!
Posted by: Jojo | June 24, 2009 at 10:17 AM
No on the True Blood.
Posted by: AC | June 24, 2009 at 10:34 AM
I love, love, love your blog and your drawings, I look forward to your opinion all week!!!
I would greatly appreciate your comments on True Blood, I cannot watch the series because, HBO, unfortunalty is not a necessity at my house right now, and I have read all of the books and they are wonderful!! I bought the first season on DVD and it was close enough to the book that I was addicted. So...I would love to hear whats going on with the new season, and see your take on Eric!!!(He is much hotter in the book)
PS: Thank you so much for the web site, texts from last night, I haven't laughed that hard in so long!!! :)
Posted by: mandy | June 24, 2009 at 11:47 AM
I have no idea what Danielle was on, all I know is I want some for any upcoming family function. A couple drops of that, a bit of botox and badda-bing! I am an emotionless shell ready for all the crazy.
You could also see Andy checking out the proximity of the giant white gawd-awful table to Teresa. No doubt he had instructed that it be bolted securely to the floor lest she scream 'PROSTITUTION WHORE" and send it flying.
And NYCPrep? The only reason I will watch that show is if one of them is killed by their coke dealer.
Posted by: I'm ashamed I love this show | June 24, 2009 at 12:02 PM
Have to agree with you about NYC Prep. It's one thing to watch adults make fools of themselves on TV, but quite another to see minors ruining their reputations and integrity. What were their parents thinking when they signed off on this? Bad decision and poor taste Bravo.
Posted by: D | June 24, 2009 at 12:13 PM
Please, Please, Please True Blood!Eric...Yum!
Posted by: Magnay | June 24, 2009 at 12:56 PM
you MUST MUST MUST recap true blood! OMG can you imagine????? "SOOK-EH!" Please do it....
Posted by: Kate | June 24, 2009 at 01:25 PM
Part of my Wednesday routine is to visit your site to get a recap of RH. It would be a pleasure to make it part of my Monday routine to visit for a recap of True Blood. You always put a big smile on my face.
Posted by: Alicia | June 24, 2009 at 01:48 PM
Ok I have been following your blog for some time now and have always wanted to comment..Gilmore btw love you...and now I can no longer restrain since you mentioned True Blood..Yes, absolutely, please for all things that are holy, recap True Blood.
PS I am available as your lovely assistant if you ever need company polishing off a few bottles of Cabernet...I'll bring my Reidel glasses..Thanks.
Posted by: ATX | June 24, 2009 at 02:30 PM
I wanna do bad things with you.... The best theme song ever for one of the best series ever! I love me some Alan Ball... add vampires and ya just got perfection. Do the recap baby! As always love your wit and great artistic talent.
Posted by: Timmi | June 24, 2009 at 02:39 PM
I am such a Loser I have never watched True Blood. I will however read you recap ice melting, go for it! I have discovered a little gem of a show, Operation Repo, on true tv I quite like it. I have also been enjoying Charm School on VH1, Ricky Lake looks good.
I too appreciated Andy's comments regarding Joe, Andy is so cute.
Carol, "We still don't know how my father in law ended up in the trunk of his car with a bullet in his head". Really Carol, no idea at all, just another of those freak home accidents waiting to happen to any of us.
I am glad to hear that Danielle insist upon instilling old school values in her daughters. Cooking, cleaning, working a pole, ya know life skills.
The other 3 what are there names again, this was my least favorite cast.
NY Prep not watching, ick, they all remind me of that guy from the 80's the preppy killer. Thank you David for giving us another great post!
Posted by: maggie | June 24, 2009 at 02:50 PM
LOVE this blog...Keep em coming!
Posted by: Mary | June 24, 2009 at 03:25 PM
I forgot I wanted to share some of my fave blogs,
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/ (my fave)
http://failblog.org/
http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/
http://thisisphotobomb.com/
http://myfirstfail.com/
http://thereifixedit.com/
Posted by: maggie | June 24, 2009 at 03:41 PM
These women all looked like hell. Danielle looked like she was dying - literally. Teresa is a visual mess. The thought of her gettin it on with that rotund midget with rusty hinges makes me vomit. I always thought Jackie was cute, but what has she done to her face? her lips? Dina looks like she stinks - in a not so feminine cleanzy sort way. And Caroline looked like Henrietta Hippo. She reminds me of Sharon Osborne, but I wouldn't mess with SO. Caroline on the other hand sounds like a parrot with all her "when I'm attacked" "bring it on" "family" shit. Her arrogance is a front: you know she's wearing bullet proof depends. Skid marks have been her trademark since her 22nd birfday.
Posted by: Virginia | June 24, 2009 at 08:57 PM
I was watching it & I couldn't help but to compare their reunion show with the NYC reunion show..... jersey girls were so quiet!! And for next week all they showed were tears.
Danielle was acting weird.
Was it just me or was something wrong with Jackie's lips?
David, my cousin lives in Austin & got a call to do Housewives of Texas..... Housewives cowgirl style :)
Posted by: deena | June 25, 2009 at 07:02 AM
Yes you should recap True Blood! You have amazing talent, I would certainly return to read your recaps and drawing for Real Housewives of _______ (wherever) and that vampire series.
Posted by: Erica | June 25, 2009 at 10:10 AM
Virginia,
ITA.
Posted by: maggie | June 25, 2009 at 11:08 AM
I am torn whether I like tis cast the best. They were definitely entertaining. As I was reading the comments, one reader made a great point about when they showed clips of tonite's show Carolina is crying sayin to Danielle "u know what u did". Danielle definitely slept with some1 husband. Even for Jacqueline to turn her back on Danielle, some shit went down. I cant wait to see 2nite's episode. You know it will come out sooner than later. I love how no mentioned caroline's friendship with crooked Bernie then she chastises Danielle for her past. Though I must say that Danielle still has retained most of her ho ways (sex with younger man in a public restroom) so how much has she really changed.
Posted by: borgqueen | June 25, 2009 at 12:03 PM
I will not be watching NY Prep. I dont need to see kids squandering money that I can use. LOL.
Back to RHONJ. I thought Danielle was crazy at first to do a reality show when the 2 guys (her ex and another dealer) she testified against are getting out of jail. Then I read somewhere that now she is on the show, she cant "disappear" without alot of people asking questions. Hmmm that ho is sure is smart. Thats why she was willing to let Bravo air all that dirt about her.
PS That text website has me rotflmao. This is too funny.
Posted by: borgqueen1of11 | June 25, 2009 at 12:28 PM
LOVE TRUE BLOOD!!!!!
Posted by: ASHLEY | June 25, 2009 at 02:24 PM
oh pretty please recap true blood! nothing brightens my day like your wine-filled, beautifully illustrated recaps! and true blood is the best show on tv (well since RHWoNJ ended)!
Posted by: Tiffany | June 25, 2009 at 06:57 PM
Good stuff. I've been lurking, and as always your blogs please me so :)
Did you see tonight's reunion conclusion? I am scouring the net trying to find out what Danielle "tried" to do to Dina that Dina was so insistent on Caroline not bringing up.
Posted by: Sweet Herald | June 25, 2009 at 07:18 PM
Does anyone know what the BIG secret is about Danielle and why caroline flipped out at the end of tonights show...
caroline kept saying to Danielle..."YOU know what you did" and I will never forgive you...SO WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT...
Posted by: Sandy Sprecher | June 25, 2009 at 07:18 PM
Danielle called Dina's ex and gave him the phone number of someone who could help him get custody of Lexi. Seems to me that Danielle had some info on Dina. Someone on another blog said that explains why Dina was so upset about Lexi going to Cypress. I am torn on this. Did Danielle do this before or after the sisters showed people the book? If it was after, looks like Danielle was looking for revenge. Would love to know what kind of information there is on Dina. That's probably why Dina kept trying to get Caroline to be quiet tonight. Didn't want any of that info getting out. Case of pot meeting kettle again.
Posted by: D | June 25, 2009 at 09:11 PM
I am aktully in NJ ass I rite this, Yor F-ing pitcher of Theresa is f-ing insane! I love how you capture all the levels and layers of attitude! But, I think I saw her hair-line move!
Posted by: Vern | June 25, 2009 at 09:55 PM
go to smokinggun.com and you will get to read all the court documents on Beverly aka Danielle, her kidnapping charges, extortion, drug charges, escort service past
She also was working over the past year with Dina's ex husband to dig up dirt on Dina so her ex could get custody of her Lexi.
Apparently that is why she Beverly befriended Jacqueline so she could get close to the family.
Posted by: suz | June 26, 2009 at 09:44 AM
your pic of theresa makes her look like the evil bitch from 'spirited away'... which is kinda a compliment for theresa b/c she's not smart enough to run a hotel, even if it's only for the spirit world, LMAO.
Posted by: kayce. | June 28, 2009 at 08:11 AM
LOVE TRUE BLOOD!
Posted by: Anthony | June 28, 2009 at 04:30 PM