Pretty On The Outside

My 10 year old nephew and his mannequin Martinique. Where have they been?

It has certainly been a long, long time since I've done a proper posting about my nephew and his mannequin muse Martinique, or Martini as she's nicknamed.  Please click on that link if you've just stumbled across my blog and you'll get all caught up.  My nephew's creativity is full to over flowing and for the longest time- dressing up his mannequin was his focus.  Over the last few months, however, his interests have been elsewhere.  I do hear from him that Martinique who just happens to live in his closet- it's like her own studio apartment- is well and I'll be receiving photos of her soon.  So I wait.  But it's hard to imagine that such a fashion-forward and highly sought after mannequin would just be hanging out in a closet until my nephew has a burst of inspiration.  Could Martini be out and about?

Sitings of Martinique having been trickling in from around the globe, but..... how could that be?  Could a neglected Martini be sneaking out when my nephew isn't looking?  Hmmmmmm???  My reader Greg sent me this link from Perez Hilton yesterday where it clearly looks like Martinique is with the late Michael Jackson and his kids. 

 

Gasp! Could that be her?  It certainly looks like her.  Martinique is clearly the queen of reinvention and is no stranger to the glamorous life so I'm going to guess yes, yes that's her.  I do have some serious concerns about that top she's wearing and please don't get me started on those necklaces. 

True Blood. I've been glamoured. Have you?

Show of hands...... how many of you are in love with True Blood on HBO?  My hand is happily raised. It's soft core porn meets soap opera meets B horror film- which has mixed perfectly to yield addictive television.  There's an endless stream of undressed hotness, plenty of laughs, lots of gay undertones (it's been said repeatedly that the vampires have "come out of their coffins"), and camp galore.  I remember watching the very first episode and wondering what the hell was that?  I think it was about halfway through the third show when I realized this was the best thing on TV and that I'd forever be a fan.  That's just my humble opinion. Alan Ball, of Six Feet Under fame, created this show so how could it be anything other than good?  Alan is going on my Christmas card list this year.  We are already on the third episode of the second season so I'll assume that if you're still reading this posting, that you must be a viewer.  Just in case you've never seen it--- I'll say briefly that it takes place in present time in a small Louisiana town called Bon Temps which curiously translates to good times.  Thanks high school french classes!  There's a synthetic blood drink called True Blood which allows vampires to opt out of feeding on humans.  Not all vampires are on board with this though and therein is part of the tension.  Besides vampires, Bon Temps seemingly is a magnet for all sorts of paranormal creatures.  Some of those creatures come in peace: Sam Merlotte the owner of Merlotte's restaurant and bar can turn into a dog at will, and others we aren't so sure about: Maryann who sends people into a sexual trance when she dances complete with their eyeballs turning entirely black.  She also does a crazy pulsating movement which looks like my TV has taken acid.  I think she's Dionysus, the greek goddess of ecstasy and ritual madness.  Sounds about right.  This certainly isn't the typical type of program for me to recap--- usually I chronicle the missteps of new money lunatics on Bravo.  Speaking of, the New Jersey Housewives just finished and there's no sign of a Real Housewives of _____, so I will give True Blood a try.  This is just a test.  Testing, testing...........

 

Friday Finds......

Ryan Kwanten a.k.a. Jason Stackhouse from True Blood says the world is his gym an it's clearly working for him.  Kenneth In The 212

Wanna take a ride on Bruno's disco tank?  Oh La La Mag

Michael Jackson's doctor is missing?  La Rag Mag

Have A Nice Day panties.  :)  Photobomb

Madonna's new Louis Vuitton ad.  Your thoughts....  Dlisted

Teresa Giudice and her new bubbies interviewed.  Newsweek

Thanks Maggie for sending me the photobomb site!

The Real Housewives of New Jersey. The Reunion Show. Part Two.

My significant other hadn't seen Tuesday's first half of the two-part reunion shows, so I sat through two hours of New Jersey housewives yelling at each other last night.  Somebody slap me please, and then refill my wine glass.  If I'd forgotten just how thoroughly dense Teresa was- I was quickly reminded.  I want to touch again on Teresa's worse half Joe who did in fact direct his "he's so gay" comment towards that cute dance instructor.  Teresa tried to brush it off by saying it's just a figure of speech and that Joe was talking about his dance moves.  And then he called one of other guy's "Gaylord."  Joe said it, he meant it, but it wasn't surprising.  I'll move on.

Danielle claims the only plastic surgery she's had was on her breasts.  According to "the book" she had a brow-lift as well which clearly is true.  I find Danielle to be infinity entertaining but I think the truth, half truths, greatly stretching the truth, and maybe even some lies get all mashed together in her head.  On last night's show, she continued to be fidgety and on edge yet was able to perfectly deflect all the rage Caroline was directing her way.  The short and scrappy Caroline really reminded me of Joe Pesci with a red rinse.  Her tilted-head, squinty-eyed, you talkin' to me, you talkin' to me- demeanor seemed comical.  And the way she punctuated every sentence with a head role, finger point, side glance, and an "OK?!" as in you understand me or do we have to take this outside was more amusing than menacing. 

The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Reunion show....

.... part one.  I had two big glasses of wine tonight before starting this posting so please forgive my spelling.  Here goes........  For some reason, the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion show was held in an undisclosed warehouse by the railroad tracks on the river.  It kind of had the feel like the women should be in silhouette with their voices run through some sort of machine to disguise their identities.  And like they all should be smoking, even the pregnant ones: Jackie and Teresa.  I think they ought to have held the reunion in that hair salon they all go to, but that's just me.  Oh but disguises weren't needed as we've gotten to know (sort of) these women in this impossibly short season. Perhaps it was the awkwardly decorated set (please, please let the Hollywood regency look die already), or maybe there was the sound of bullets flying outside by the train tracks, or could it be that Jackie's water had broken and no one was saying anything--- but it seemed like there was a lot of tension in that warehouse.  The women fidgeted, looked at their shoes, and appeared on edge. Danielle for one looked like she was on a horse tranquilizer-drip.  She also appeared rather frail and surprisingly, kind of nervous.  I thought she'd have been a bit ballsier during their reunion.  Maybe during Thursday's part two she'll step it up?  Come on Danielle, it's time to channel your former stripper identity.  Please bring out Beverly for part two!
My other favorite, Teresa, Teresa, Teresa....

Good stuff.......

I have a few friends who love to regularly send out informative emails to everyone in their address book.  One friend is always sending political items, another is forever sending something food/ health related, and another relentlessly sends those- after you read this, forward it to five friends and you'll have good luck- messages.  That last friend's emails get deleted as soon as I see her name.  However when my funny friend, who goes by the alias Twatty McSnatch, sends me a photo, website link, or some type of Can You Spot The Tranny or Are You A Slut- type of game, I know I'm in for a good time. 
As I was rotting in the most hellacious traffic yesterday afternoon, an email with a web link arrived from her just in time to save my commute.  I'm not endorsing emailing or texting while driving at all. No. There was a terrible accident on the freeway and it took 90 minutes to go two miles.  So when I wasn't moving I was reading snippets from this hilarious site.  Texts From Last Night is an unending shrine to often regrettable texts meant to be shared between friends.  All we see is the area code of the sender and that of the receiver should that person respond.  Texts such as:

(913): My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.

and

(617): Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?

and

(216): let's bang
(773): You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.

and

(503): I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.

and

(856): I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.

..... all made those 90 of traffic manageable.  Have a look for yourself at Texts From Last Night, just please not while driving.  :)

Thanks Twatty!

The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Pay attention puh-lease!

I've got a fever for the Real Housewives franchise......

 

.....and there ain't no cure.

Lovely Links

The scorching hot Chris Evans (on the right) has a rather handsome brother who just happens to be gay.  Read the interview with Scott Evans here.  After Elton

Here's a reminder of just how caliente Chris Evans is.  David Dust

Need to cool down after seeing those photos?  How's about visiting The Big Gay Ice Cream Truck?  The Rural Modernist

Dustin Lance and his sex tape drama.  Oh La La Mag

Bruce Willis and the Mrs go porno-chic or porno-sad for W Magazine?  La Rag Mag

Bubbies or bunz?  Your call.  City Rag

Vicki Gunvalson just got a tattoo. I just got a tattoo of Vicki Gunvalson.

My email began blowing up a few hours ago.  Why?  Well it seems my reality TV muse Vicki Gunvalson--- the insurance selling, perpetually overworking, whoo-hoo screaming, founding mama dog of the The Real Housewives of Orange County got a tattoo on her ass.  Yes, her ass.  Seems like a reasonable thing for a dignified 47 year old Orange County Housewife to do.  She's such a control freak though, I'm just surprised she's not doing the tattoo herself.  Here's the photo from Radar OnlIne.  Please click on that link to see some more photos of Vicki.  You're welcome in advance. 

That gorgeous picture above poses many questions.... First, why is she getting a tattoo in a bar?  Is that even legal?  What is she getting tattooed on her ass?  Why her ass?  What kind of underwear is she wearing?  What does her husband Don think of this?  Are there Bravo cameras filming this?  Too many questions.  Seeing Vicki bent over that bar in such a ladylike manner did rekindle my love for her.  My sweet precious precocious Vicki.  She gives us so much..... so much inspiration.  

LA Gay Pride 2009

This past weekend was LA's Gay Pride festival with the parade taking place yesterday.  My bf, my bfff (best female friend forever), her hubbie and their kids, plus a couple family friends, and I all went to take in the merriment.  As always, the parade began with the dykes of bikes.

Sadly, I have to say that I was a little disappointed with the dykes on bikes yesterday.  Years ago a saw NYC's parade and there was an endless sea of the ladies on bikes. Loved hearing the roar of the engines and the crowd going completely wild as dozens and dozens and dozens bikes went zipping down the street.  Unfortunately at yesterday's parade, there only seemed like a handful of the lovely ladies.  More dykes on bikes next year please.  Then there was about a ten minute gap before the first float came along.