Fashion week in NYC is a celebration of style which embraces everything from traditionally beautiful to edgy and provocative. As I watched this week's Real Housewives I took note of the range of personality traits exhibited by the ladies. I got to thinking--- what if a collection was designed to sum up each of the housewives. Hmmmm..... and if there was a collection done for each of them, what would their signature ready to wear look be? I will say from the outset that this will be a different type of posting. The idea popped in my head as a downed an entire bottle of Cabernet watching the show. Let's see how this works.....
The Ramona Collection combines elements of "classiness", lunacy, and a good time. When first introduced to the Ramona Collection you most certainly will find it crazy but the longer you're exposed to it, the more you grow to like.
Her signature ensemble, available at Kmart, pairs a bikini top with some faded jeans shorts, high, high hot pink high heels, and a giant cross. A cross so large it keeps vampires away and lets everyone around you know you're a fan of Christ and of fun.
This look says:
I'm here to party and dance.
I'm a man magnet.
I'm a maven.
And it might actually say your husband looks old.
While wearing this creation, you may also tell an oddly confident hotel manager that he's shallow, too feminine, and that he has no depth. This getup is like Wonder Woman's lasso of truth. Your filter is gone and whatever pops into your head will instantly come shooting out of your mouth.
To sum it up, expect the unexpected when you're wearing a Ramona outfit.
Enjoy!
The Luann Collection or Countess Collection celebrates her American Indian heritage (not really) while definitely flaunting her Countess status.
Her outfit says: I have class, I can drink an entire bottle of vodka during lunch yet never slur, and that I married for money.
You'll feel empowered with the title CoUNTess emblazoned across your chest while lady lunching in the Hampton's, trying to pretend you care about your housekeeper, guzzling martinis, and sending your children off to boarding school.
If you lean in close to the outfit, you can faintly hear the countess saying to her daughter, "I'll miss you darling while you're away in school (not really)."
This kicky ensemble is sleeveless for playing tennis and binge drinking. Sleeves, sometimes, can slow and interrupt the cocktail arm curl. The skirt is made of super absorbent fabric just in case you've had too many martinis and can't find the ladies room.
Enjoy!
The Alex Collection was co-designed by her same-sex life partner Simon. Of course.
This dazzling outfit (?) shows off a gal's thin frame and says I LOVE St Barts. It also says that my french speaking children Au Revoir and Escargot have such great manners that I'll write a book about them. It also proudly boasts that I have an above ground swimming pool.
It's perfect for upward social maneuvering and choosing thongs for your husband. It's just a swimsuit with a detachable beast print train. Lean in close and you'll hear Simon asking, "Darling, can I borrow the train tonight? It goes fantastic with my pink suede mules and baby blue thong."
The Bethennny Collection is extremely wearable, accessible, but with a bit of fragility around the edges.
This outfit comes from a place of yes. (You'll understand what that means if you watched last night's show)
It's a simple sexy apron with fringe. It showcases a banging body, a razor sharp sense of humor, and her celebrity chef status.
It comes with a slew of one liners, Jill Zarin impersonations, and lots of cat fighting potential.
You can wear this while you're in a spin class, preparing a fabulous meal, at Tommy Hilfigger's home, or during an awkward confrontation with a cast-mate.
(By the way, next week's face-off between Bethenny and Kelly looks good!)
Enjoy!
The Jill Zarin collection is of course made from Zarin fabric.
Once in a Jill Zarin gown, your size 32 G natural breasts will be taken care of. There's a series of flying buttresses inside the tank top portion reminiscent of Chartres Cathedral in Paris. Oh la la! The outfit screams I have money! It will also scream for a diet coke.
This treasured outfit is perfect for throwing a charity event, hanging with your gay husband, planning a tennis rematch, getting all and I mean all the gossip on the other housewives, and mixing and mingling with BOBBY!!!
You probably wouldn't wear this outfit outside of Manhattan. I think this gown isn't so burrough compatible.
Enjoy!
The Kelly Collection is a bit of a mystery. Not quite sure what to make of this showing?
Is it flighty?
Is it shy and flirty?
Is it bitchy?
Is it confused to be on that show?
Say what you will, the Kelly Collection would definitely be sexy but not relatible to everyone. Some may hate the Kelly outfit just because it's beautiful. Some may hate it because it's aloof and seemingly guarded.
The Kelly ready to wear creation includes some impossibly short shorts, a frilly-flirty top to be worn without a bra, and some extra high heels bringing you to a good 6'8".
The Kelly Collection, however, doesn't lend her name to anything.
Take that!
Enjoy.
Again, I know this isn't my usual posting but the Cabernet made me. Really quickly a few things that stood out from last night's show:
* Ramona dissing Simon at the Russel Simmon's fashion show was perfect. Just perfect. I truly am falling for Ramona.
* Bethenny seemed really brittle and sharp. I think she's hilarious but there's definitely an underlying beauty insecurity going on. Sure Luann mentioning she'd need some airbrushing for the cover of that magazine was rather rude, but Bethenny really wouldn't let it go. I don't know.....
* Jill continues to be unapologetically self indulgent and I love it. I'd love to share a Diet Coke with her.
* Simon maintains his tool du jour status. Naturally.
Until next week's show.................
All drawings are ink on paper with digital color.
Please click here to read previous Real Housewives of NYC entries.
If you enjoy looking at my drawings online, the next step would be having one or two or three in your home. Interested? Click on over to my etsy shop and take a gander. And your credit card. :) Much appreciated!
THe Kelly outfit is to be worn without a "brar", not bra
Posted by: Sus | March 25, 2009 at 01:34 PM
This is quite the hilarious and innovative post. I wish i could wear the Bethenny collection, she's my favorite! I'm so happy that Ramona told Simon off at the show and that Alex had to get up and fetch her husband so he could sit his busted ass down! I thought it was stupid that Kelly thought it wrong for Simon to be standing up in the front row of a runway, get over it honey, the show hadn't even started yet! I can't wait to see Bethenny kill Kelly with her glares next week and that's what she gets for coming from the place of NO!
Posted by: Branny | March 25, 2009 at 01:37 PM
AHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Wow, how do you get your brain to be so creative and absolutely hilarious in such a short period of time? I love Jill!!!!!
When I saw Simon wearing the "Alex Collection" I had the flashback of when they were in the Hamptons and the lady they were renting the house from was brushing Simon's hairy body -- BARF!!!!! You captured it so well -- unfortunately.....
Ramona's headless body kind of looks like Britney -- I am sure she would take that as a compliment. Do you think Ramona would yell her crotch was hanging out of her outfit if she experienced a wardrobe malfunction? Is that a rhetorical question?
Kelly may want to have a "place of no" when it comes to chemical peels -- scary! I knew you were going to put really short shorts on her! LOVE IT! I am starting to question who is more annoying her or Simon.
Thanks for all the laughs!
Posted by: Jenny | March 25, 2009 at 02:08 PM
I am hysterically laughing and crying at the same time. Suede mules and baby blue thong, hahahahahahahahahaha tool dejour hahahahahahahahahaha my kids au revoir and escargot..........I can't breathe!!!! Stop it some more!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Lynne | March 25, 2009 at 02:09 PM
Excellent- you continue to outdo yourself.
To Jill: enough about the big boobs, us flat chested girls have always hated big chested girls who go on and on and on about their big boobs - we all know you got the attention of all the boys in high school while us flat chested girls were ignored. Thank god for padded bras.
To Bethenny- get some self esteem then you won't be so jealous of others.
Posted by: suz | March 25, 2009 at 02:09 PM
PS- Please Please Please do a clothing line for each of the housewives of OC.
Tamra's would have to be an exclusive to be purchased only at Tramps R US.
Posted by: suz | March 25, 2009 at 02:14 PM
LOVE IT!!!
Posted by: ann | March 25, 2009 at 02:22 PM
Hmmm, which one would I choose, I think I'll have to pass. Clothing worn in NYC by a New Yorker just does not translate well.
Was that a Freudian slip Gilmore, your comment that Rameana calls Simon "swallow", I'll give him points if he does.
I loved Jill needing suga, yes I diet coke is loaded with suga. What is up with Kelly's cheeks, is that on purpose? I have to admit when Kelly was at the table not wanting to be a part of the benefit, I kind felt her pain. I woul be hearing "waw, waw, way, blah blah." I guess I come from a place of, I don't want to be here, I'm bored". Jill just give the money you would spend on the ballgound and save everyone the headache. Is it just me or did Jill have major LIPO or a band on her stomach? Did anyone else notice Beth Otrosky, Howard Stern's wife next to Kelly at the fashion show? Thanks Gilmore you are the only reason I am watching NY.
Posted by: Maggie | March 25, 2009 at 02:43 PM
OMG Another tour de force. You should copyright those designs. The CoUNtess shirt is genius. I remember the first time I heard that euphemism used, by a gay as an Easter parade hairdresser doing my bridesmaid's hair like Imelda Marcos in South Carolina. You should market that one. Loved the mix-n'-match for Alex & her same sex life parter. I am still wrapping my mind around the 32 Gs. I think I am falling for Bethenny. When I see her, I come from a place of YES. Kelly must up her dose of Klonopin. Loved when she reacted to Jill's daughter's arthritis by saying "cute." Ramona's verbal barrage against Simon is the most articulate I have ever seen her, and cathartic, too boot! Keep on writing, I look forward to these posts!!!!!!
Posted by: Petite Maoiste | March 25, 2009 at 03:18 PM
Goodness,that little throw away sketch of Simon is too hysterical
Posted by: floundering | March 25, 2009 at 03:43 PM
This getup is like Wonder Woman's lasso of truth.
one of the best, really, will be a classic.
Posted by: zach | March 25, 2009 at 03:52 PM
Gilmore - You have truly outdone yourself - you are a GENIUS!!!! You are the Greatest!!
Posted by: Momma T | March 25, 2009 at 04:14 PM
This was absolutely adorable and funny. I haven't watched enough of this season and now I see just what I'm missing. :O)
Posted by: TP | March 25, 2009 at 05:33 PM
Love it.
Especially Kelly's short shorts. Snort! I'm not sure about sexy because the woman has got the flattest butt I have ever seen and that sheit just ain't looking good. I was appalled at her behavior at Jill's meeting.
"That's cute."
What an idiot. Sorry, I just really, really dislike Kelly and can understand Bethany's disdain for Pancake Butt.
Your illustrations though I love.
Cheers!
Posted by: Sweet Herald | March 25, 2009 at 06:49 PM
Branna - I belive that the exact quote from Brit was "My pussys hanging out y'all". Just trying to keep the journalistic integrity of the blog up to par.
Gilmore - I am now hopelessley devoted to you. I only wish that you had sketched the Alex collection leaning against the side of the blue blow up pool. And had Jills chuaha picking her nose.
Please, please, please do cocktail napkins. I will purchase them by the gross.
Posted by: wickedorchid | March 25, 2009 at 07:05 PM
You are too darn funny!! Spot on and hilarious as always, but I think you outdid yourself this time. Priceless!!!
Posted by: Leah | March 25, 2009 at 07:16 PM
You are killing me Gilmore ... I am addicted! You were too kind this time ... ABOVE ground pool? Try BLOW UP!
Kelly is hard to figure out ... I am nauseated listening to her talk about how MANY invites she has and how she has to grace them if ever so briefly with her presence. Then she seems alarmingly normal compared to the others ... and has huge enough balls (how did we not see them dangling from her shorts) to say no to the girls. Well ... maybe no. No, she can't be normal ... she said that Jill's daughter having arthritis was "cute" ... or Jill helping her daughter's cause is "cute"? I would love to see the reaction on her face when she watched the show and realized the photographer she was inviting Bethany to see was B's ex B-friend. Yeah honey ... you have met B more than twice ... you were all over her man the first time. Or is B just insecure? I would have never expected her to act the way she was at the show ... she clearly needs some CoUNTess sessions!
I loved how the designer's assistants were glaring at Jill clearly hating her for her moola and her need for reassurance. Maybe trying to get into the designer's head and let him know he is going to be bigger than that some day. You drool over her shortie ... we refuse! I love how she tries to relate to them. Puleeeeeze!
More! More! More!
XOXo
Posted by: Honey | March 25, 2009 at 08:33 PM
OMG you couldn't have sketched each of them more beautifully than you did, but I thought the Kelly sketch was HILARIOUS!! OK, what the hell is wrong with this woman/man? What does she smoke, snort, inject or drink? If I remember anything from this show it was how frigging weird she was about not wanting to try on anything at Malo's (she's REPing THEM!!!) and then the bizzaro behavior at the benefit meeting! Hey, if she knew she didn't want to be a part of any benefit, why would she even show up??? I can't stand this weirdo! I hope Bethenny rips her a new one next week. And speaking of Bethenny, I wish she would realize her self-worth, I think she is awesome both inside and outside, but growing up the way she did has caused her to doubt herself way deep down, you can tell.
I think what "Rameana" did to "Slimon" at the show was pitiful, she should have let it go but hey she is a psycho so her actions should be expected. I think Slimon is a freak but she is just downright hateful, and KARMA can suck when it comes back around. At least it makes for a good show, too. Drama, drama, drama.
Gil, thanks for the BEST part of RHWNY. =)
Posted by: texastek | March 25, 2009 at 09:44 PM
OMG, I LOVE this.
You forgot one thing:
"It also proudly boasts that I have an above ground INFLATABLE swimming pool." :::snort:::
I second the cocktail napkin vote. :-)
Posted by: kristin | March 26, 2009 at 05:09 AM
God I love this!
Your non-recap recap was superb!
And I'm ready for next weeks Kelly/Bethenny Matchup, the Simon/Ramona Fisticuffs and the Jill/Mario Smackdown.
I so watch this show from a place of YES YES YES!!!
Posted by: bob | March 26, 2009 at 05:52 AM
What's up with that life size statue of a horse in Kelly's apartment? It looks so out of place in such a small room.
Posted by: Alvarez | March 26, 2009 at 06:14 AM
Bravo, Gilmore! One of your best, most creative posts to date. I was in tears by the end.
Accolades aside, I can see these outfits on each one of the housewives...and Simon (ew).
Posted by: Carlos | March 26, 2009 at 06:48 AM
i am still trying to figure out why kelly had a white bra (brar) on with a black strapless dress at the meeting, so strange.
this may have been mentioned before but does bethany's jaw remind anyone else of glen quagmire's from family guy?
ramona maybe ditsy but she has balls, the stuff she says right to peoples faces is unreal, she has no filter, can't call her fake tho!
just my 2 cents!
Posted by: angie | March 26, 2009 at 07:36 AM
Just visited Kelly's website and noted a "charities section".
Did I not hear her say that she doesn't lend her name to anything....?
Posted by: Marie | March 26, 2009 at 07:52 AM
I don't even watch this show but that was hysterical. You are awesome!
Posted by: wheresandrae | March 26, 2009 at 08:26 AM
Oh.MY.Golly-wonkers. You know I was(and still am) trying to let the latest eppy sink in...there was just too much. I can not tell you how happy I am that you went this route with your post/drawings. It was just enough to make me crack up and it caught the essence of the episode.
The things that kept running thru my head while watching were the outfits.
OK, #1 ? (and I Twittered this to Bethheny yesterday) Holy Black Tap Pants! Why does Kelly wear these...seriously? In NYC?
I Guess I couldn't wrap my brain around the short short/Nair commercial type shorts(?) she was wearing while not-trying-on-clothes-with LuAnne-because-she-used-to-be-a-fabulous-model. I mean, inappropriate? Those shorts were LAME. Also, crashing the "Meeting?" half an hour late looking like she was dragged out of the fitting room at Forever 21??? Oy.
I also asked Bethenny if the Countess put tacks in her shoes because she walks like she does. (I was MUCH more clever with my 140 character Twitter message tho)
Kelly's cheek bones? Oh, right...we all agree.
One last thing? I loved that Bethenny doesn't "Lunch, as a verb" but I wonder if she "Countess's" (No idea where that apostrophe goes) My friends and I love to Countess now! Here is an example:
"I'm going to that party, but don't want to show off my turkey neck so I'm going to totally Countess a scarf tonight." See? Cute, no?
Ok..I am sure there is more...Bethenny is even more my fave now...(Oh and I told her to come over here...maybe she will leave a comment...maybe she already has?)
Wow, I am pulling a Kelly here dropping names, huh? I can't help it. I lead a very important life and have fabulous important friends who all come from a place of "Perhaps..."
xoxo love you, mean it
Posted by: Wizzie(Nololos) | March 26, 2009 at 08:33 AM
Kelly "Buttkisser to the stars" is a pretentious cunt. I really dislike her. I don't think Bethanny is jealous of her I just think that she knows more than we do about Kelly. You can tell by her actions on this episode that she is a tool. She describes EVERYTHING as "cute" and "cool" as if she were a teenager. What in the hell did she have on when she went to the Malo store??? that outfit was not flattering at all, especially that awful looking early 90's shirt. These heffas forget that they did not make the money (with the exception of Bethany and Ramona) they married men with money for their money. Simon and Alex are pretentious wannabes so they dont count.
Posted by: amelia | March 26, 2009 at 08:49 AM
I'm ready for that Bethenny/Kelley face-off.
Posted by: jimmy | March 26, 2009 at 12:09 PM
Gilmore, you continue to top yourself every week! I am so on board with the idea of your drawings on cocktail napkins. I would SO buy some with the NYC designs on each one. It would be so CoUNTess!!
Posted by: Kolleen | March 26, 2009 at 04:29 PM
suz: You mean Forever 21, where she & Vicki probably get most of their clothes?
angie: Yes! Love it or hate it, Ramona doesn't mince her words. In fact, I find it refreshing compared to the duplicity we see all the time with (Dis)Countess LuAnn & Queen Kelly.
Gilmore: Thanks again for a great recap. And yes, when it comes to Jill, Bethenny, and Ramona, I always come from a place of YES, YES, YES!!! Jill was great this week in having one of her other gay husbands, Zang Toi, throw a fashion show just for her. Perhaps someone needs to inform the (Dis)Countess that a new Queen Bee has conquered the Upper East Side? ;-)
Posted by: atdleft | March 26, 2009 at 05:21 PM
Btw, have y'all seen this?
http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-new-york-city/blogs/jeana-keough/oc-vs-ny-fashion
Jeana's back! I hope we see more of her blogging NYC and less "TAM-RAAAAAA!!!!!!" ;-)
Posted by: atdleft | March 26, 2009 at 05:27 PM
atdleft, I went to your link and read Jeana's post, I guess I just find her to be pretty darn fake. Jeana is one sad and lonely individual that wants everyone to think that she has it all together and there is nothing farther from the truth. I hate the way she always name drops also. I just can't seem to warm up to her and it blows my mind that she was ever in Playboy! Snicker! She is not ugly but Playboy, come on now!
BTW, has anyone seen this hot mess:
http://dlisted.com/node/31254
Scroll down and see the story about Gretchen and her new love-VOMIT!
Posted by: texastek | March 26, 2009 at 10:37 PM
Love it, absolutely spot on, but then again, I come from a place of yes.
Posted by: Mollie | March 27, 2009 at 02:05 PM
I love it! You have outdone yourself. I can't stop laughing!
Posted by: Liz | March 27, 2009 at 08:04 PM
I can't help but stare at Kelly's face the entire time she's on-screen.
What is wrong with it? Is it uneven fake tanning lotion? Does she have acne? Scarring? I honestly wonder what's wrong with her face and all the strange discoloration. And yet no one mentions it and it hasn't been explained on the show in any way ... so then that makes me think it's intentional.
It reminds me of when I first started wearing make-up and I put on my mom's Beige Cover Girl foundation when clearly I am a Pale or Bisque.
Posted by: Mandy | March 27, 2009 at 08:05 PM
Just an FYI-Some of the RHNYC will be on "Huckabee" on Fox News network at 8 pm Sat. CST 9 pm ET. I am not a "Huckabee" fan but I do watch Fox News and saw it advertised and it is supposed to be about how the economy has effected some of the reality "stars"(snicker) such as the Real Housewives of NY and it showed Alex and Ramona being interviewed. Interesting, huh? I set my DVR!!
Posted by: texastek | March 27, 2009 at 11:24 PM
Am I the only person seriously bothered by Kelly's voice. It's way to Stanley Manly for me.
Posted by: Doll | March 28, 2009 at 07:27 PM
Texastek, dear god, I have been reading that site for the last two hours when I should be studying! Haha. That site is addictive.
here is the actual url for the Gretchen article (yours took me to the home page):
http://dlisted.com/node/31219
Be sure to scroll down and read the comment from Jeff's ex-wife (ya know the same one who came to see him in the hospital and Gretchen told to get the F out? Pffft.)
Posted by: Sweet Herald | March 29, 2009 at 11:53 AM
RHONY collection Spring 2009.....white t-shirt emblazoned with the words BACKSTABBING BITCH. One size fits all.
Sure Ramona is crazy fun, and Bethenny is a hoot, but none of these bitches, I mean NONE of them miss the chance to trash, judge, and talk behind each other's back. It's actually kind of sad. And this week while Crustass Luanne was on her best behavior, Kelly took loftiness to another level. I cringed everytime she opened her mouth.
While I am thoroughly enjoying your posts, this season is hard to watch. There is so much turmoil in the world right now, and watching these self-important bitches yap is wearing thin.
Posted by: Virginia | March 29, 2009 at 04:39 PM
OMG did u hear that the Count left the Countess for a younger ETHOPIAN WOMAN. Ha take that Luann. Please investigate and report. I love ur site. How is ur nephew?
Posted by: Borg Queen | March 31, 2009 at 06:23 AM
Brilliant!!! Laughing so hard...
Posted by: Doodle Whore | March 31, 2009 at 01:52 PM
"same-sex life partner Simon"...I almost choked laughing!
Posted by: Rupert Pupkin | March 31, 2009 at 09:05 PM
laugh-out-loud funny, and absolutely
accurate (in my eyes!). these women
seem ridiculously vindictive to each other,
can you imagine wanting to be their friend?
even with their money, i'll pass. but i have
to say, nasty women are entertaining!
Posted by: Lynn | April 01, 2009 at 10:43 AM
So True! So Funny! Love Ya!
Posted by: CEO | April 01, 2009 at 08:46 PM
this is so funny I blew snot out my nose. You can practically smell the entire collection. The mark of pure genius.
Posted by: reesebud | April 03, 2009 at 09:01 AM