Pretty On The Outside

Luann de Lesseps is a Countess no more.

Once upon a time, an American Indian from Connecticut named Luann met a man twice her age who just happened to be a Count.  Count Alex de Lesseps to be exact.  Sure he'd been married about fifteen times, is often mistaken for Elton John, and has a certain quality which reads "I'm going to cheat on you", but who cares..... he has a title!  From a young age, the American Indian knew she was destined for greatness but wasn't quite sure how to make that happen.  One look at the impossibly unfaithful Count and Luann knew that even though her prince not-so-charming wasn't in possession of a young: mind, body, or spirit, that he did own a house in the Hampton's and that she'd never have to waitress again.  True love. 
All seemed well: Luann had the respect that marrying into money affords, was able to buy anything her heart desired, and was finally in a position to write a manners book highlighting cell phone abuses.  What could be worse than the horror of texting at the dinner table!  Well, how's about getting dumped via email?  I'm pretty sure that's a no no in Luann's etiquette book.  I'll have to double check my Class With The Countess to find the proper way to tell your wife that you're leaving her for an Ethiopian woman in Geneva.  That last part is true.  The Countess's erratic behavior this season would indicate things weren't so great behind the castle walls.  Or could it be that she's just a good old fashioned bitch?  Either way, it looks like the Countess is going to be title-less.  Ouch.

Here are some highlight of the story:
Luann de Lesseps, the countess from "The Real Housewives of New York," is single. The 40-something American former model has been dumped via email by her 60-something husband Alex, with whom she has two kids.

Read the full story here.

Above is one of my recycled illustrations of the former Countess with some added color.  Click here to read all previous RHONYC postings.  Thanks to everyone who emailed me this morning about Luann!

If you enjoy looking at my drawings online, the next step would be having one or two or three in your home.  Interested?  Click on over to my etsy shop and take a gander.  And your credit card.  :)  Much appreciated!

Leave Vicki with an i alone!

File this one under "Oh come on... really?"  It turns out someone has issued not one, but two death threats against my favorite "momma dog" housewife of all time--- Vicki with an i Gunvalson.  Say it ain't so!  Besides wanting Vicki to be safe and sound, which I really do, I also want her to be around for season five of The Real Housewives of Orange County.  Selfish on my part?  Sure.  But seriously, how f**king boring would that show be without her?  Survey says--- really boring!  Please, please, please Bravo, hire a swat team to guard our sweet, delectable, desirable, drawable Vicki.   
Here's the scoop via TMZ, the CNN of the gossip blog world, Vicki received one of the threats through a phone call -- and the other through an email sent to another cast member from the show, Jeana Keough. The email told Keough not to worry about Gunvalson because she "would take care of Vicki for her."
Let's all squeeze into our favorite overly-embellished age-inappropriate skanky-top, pour ourselves a dirty martini with three blue cheese stuffed olives, raise our glasses and voices, and let out the loudest WOO HOO we possibly can.  Let's do that in support of our reality TV treasure.  I know I tease her a lot, but I do wish her well. Be safe Vicki.

Please click here to see all my Real Housewives of the OC recaps and drawings.  The above illustration is an oldie, but a goodie.  It's ink on paper with digital color and a little love.

I haven't been posting so much the last few weeks as I have a couple projects in the works which are eating up my spare time.  Thanks to all of you who are sticking around.  I definitely appreciate it.
Also a thanks to Deena for sending me the TMZ article.

If you enjoy looking at my drawings online, the next step would be having one or two or three in your home.  Interested?  Click on over to my etsy shop and take a gander.  And your credit card.  :)  Much appreciated!

The Real Housewives of New York City. Who are you wearing?

Fashion week in NYC is a celebration of style which embraces everything from traditionally beautiful to edgy and provocative.  As I watched this week's Real Housewives I took note of the range of personality traits exhibited by the ladies.  I got to thinking--- what if a collection was designed to sum up each of the housewives.  Hmmmm..... and if there was a collection done for each of them, what would their signature ready to wear look be?  I will say from the outset that this will be a different type of posting.  The idea popped in my head as a downed an entire bottle of Cabernet watching the show.  Let's see how this works.....

The Ramona Collection combines elements of "classiness", lunacy, and a good time.  When first introduced to the Ramona Collection you most certainly will find it crazy but the longer you're exposed to it, the more you grow to like. 

 Her signature ensemble, available at Kmart, pairs a bikini top with some faded jeans shorts, high, high hot pink high heels, and a giant cross.  A cross so large it keeps vampires away and lets everyone around you know you're a fan of Christ and of fun.

This look  says:
I'm here to party and dance.
I'm a man magnet.
I'm a maven.
And it might actually say your husband looks old.

While wearing this creation, you may also tell an oddly confident hotel manager that he's shallow, too feminine, and that he has no depth.  This getup is like Wonder Woman's lasso of truth.  Your filter is gone and whatever pops into your head will instantly come shooting out of your mouth. 

To sum it up, expect the unexpected when you're wearing a Ramona outfit.

Enjoy!

PRETTY end of the week LINKS

Hoax or hooray?  A blow-up Wolverine doll with a strategically placed inflation tube right on his crotch.  Advocate

Watch an island being born.  Pretty amazing.  Oh La La Mag

I think if you cheat with Eddie Cibrian, it's actually not cheating.  It's celebrating male perfection!  La Rag Mag

Project Pussy Abuse.  Kenley Collins beat her boyfriend with her cat.  David Dust

Furniture Porn!  No brown bag required.  The Rural Modernist

Octomom the sculpture.  Popbytes

The Real Housewives of New York City. I'll have an extra helping of Ramona please.

Last week's episode of The Real Housewives of NYC was a generous gift from Bravo with the highlight being the face off between American Indian from Connecticut turned Countess- Luann and former hot oil wrestler (I assume) Ramona. Thanks again for that Bravo!  This week's episode, unfortunately, was sort of a let down.  Still completely watchable and entertaining but I was waiting for the etiquette at any cost- Luann to channel Kathleen Turner's character from John Water's Serial Mom and begin to actually kill off her housewife cast mates because of their bad behavior.  Jill refuses to recycle--- Luann stabs her in the stomach with a pair of sharp scissors.  Bethenny wears white after Labor Day--- Luann repeatedly beats her head with a pay phone receiver.  Alex and Simon go on and on about wanting to write a parenting book about their children Eiffel Tower and Champs Elysees--- Luann takes one out with an AC unit and another with a chimney poker.  But no such luck.....
The best part for me came at the end when Jill Zarin visited Alex & Simon in their Brooklyn home which is undergoing a massive renovation.  Jill looked like she was helicoptered into Darfur or New Orleans a day after Katrina hit.  From her first steps into their home- Jill's face reflected equal parts terror and revulsion.  I think she needed an air sickness bag.  When Alex offered her a seat and Jill looked at the chair like it was a heap of elephant dung--- I smiled and thought about ordering a Team Jill t-shirt.  "Is that chair dirty," Jill asked, "or is it just meant to look like that?"  Bless her upper east side heart. 

 

The Real Housewives of New York City. Ramona is my hero.

This last episode of The Real Housewives of NYC was by far the best in my humble opinion.  How's that?  Well, let me highlight a few of the finer moments:
*Ramona alpha dogging the newest housewife Kelly and the docent at the Richard Meier exhibit after what certainly had been an exhaustive previous evening spent Googling and Wikipedia-ing Richard Meier's name.  Remember, Ramona's a self-described maven.  And a little crazy.
*When Bethenny happily shared with her majesty the Countess Luann that she was going to be on the cover of Hamptons Hotties or something thereabouts and her majesty's reaction was that she hoped they were planning on retouching her.  Declasse DeCountess!
*Co-housewives Alex and Simon luxuriating in their 10ft x 3ft above ground pool.  What would an episode be without the exposed muscle-free torso of Simon?  Oh and when he was taking their luggage to the car in preparation for their trip to St Barts and Simon said, "These bags are heavy now but they're going to be even heavier when we get back."  And he kind of sang that last word back stretching in out for about 5 seconds.... baaaaaaAAAAAaaaaAAAAAAaaaack.  What a tool. Can you imagine how many of his Missoni thongs and pink suede mules were in those bags?  And how many more he'll buy in St Barts?  Simon says back, I say yuck.  Simon says St Barts, I say yuck.  I will hand it to Bravo though for having their first same-sex couple on their Real Housewives franchaise.  Alex and Simon are two real handsome guys.  Or are they two handsome gals?     
*Ramona the maven telling the Countess de la her Majesty de Lessups that she thought her majesty's husband was twice her age and looked old.  :)

Those are just a few of my favorite things from this past show.  Truly though, for me, the best part was when her majesty Luann, Ramona, and Bethenny were at the Hope Lodge preparing a benefit dinner.  The tete-a-tete began innocently enough with Ramona saying she had a great guy she wanted Bethenny to meet.  No strings attached.  That began a conversation about how to meet guys, lots of guys actually, how to become a "man magnet" as Ramona described, and ultimately getting hitched.  Her majesty de la manners Luann shut it down by saying, in her world, dating and being seen with too many men is a no no.  That's chapter 15 from upcoming etiquette book.  Ramona shot back by reminding Luann that her husband is twice her age, is old, and that Luann had married young so she didn't have much opportunity to date.  You could actually see the veins in Luann's neck triple in size as she launched into Ramona for having no manners.  Here's her majesty unleashing on Ramona yet remaining well-mannered and lady-like.  Etiquette at all cost!

     
Note the veins popping out.  Luann trying to keep it together said her husband has a young body, mind, and spirit and that she was 27 when she married her then 42 year old husband.  Ramona responded with I'm sorry, he looks old to me.  Luann took off her earrings and necklace, rubbed a little vaseline on her knuckles and then went bat sh*t crazy on Ramona: put her in a choke hold, repeatedly bit her fingers and ears, and screamed I dare you to say my husband's twice my age again.  Say it bitch!  Ok, that didn't happen but had the Bravo cameras not been there--- it very well could have. Luann instead beat Ramona down with by telling her she's inappropriate and has no manners.  Me thinks Ramona hit a little too close to home.
Ramona's eyes rolled around in her head like a slot machine and apologized up a storm.

That's Ramona the maven at about apology #254.

Pretty Midweek Links

What's her wet heiress has a hot new guy.  Oh La La Mag

Grey Gardens trailer on HBO.  La Rag Mag

Crazy Muppet Fashion.  Dlisted

Not sure what this is about, but I like it.  Socialite Life

Gisele Bundchen on Tom Brady.  Lucky!  I'm Not Obsessed

More Adam Lambert love. NSFW  Unzipped

Adam Lambert is the only reason I'm watching American Idol

Actually, I also tune in to monitor Paula Abdul's lucidity.  Some weeks she can barely put a sentence together, but then there are times when she's fairly with it.  I look forward as well to see just how many items from her HSN jewelry collection she can wear at one time.  I reluctantly watched the nation wide auditions to see how the new judge Kara DeLawhatever would fit in and if her presence/ possible future replacement threat would affect Paula's sobriety.  It seemed to have helped.  Paula was as clear and concise as she could be during that segment.  But now that they've settled into the regular program, well, the wheels are starting to come off the wagon.  I especially enjoy when she gets really excited and sort of stands and flails her arms around when she's offering her critique.  I've been taking yoga classes on Friday and what Paula's doing reminds me of a transitional movement called Monkey.  Or as my instructor says, "Half lift to Monkey.... hold here for a moment.... and back to downward facing dog."  I don't think Paula's practicing yoga during the show as that usually yields clearer thoughts.  Sorry, I digress.
As the title would indicate, I'm a fan of Adam Lambert.  He's a star in a sea of forgettable singers.  Adam even managed to make that terrible Michael Jackson song "Black or White" enjoyable.  His octave- defying, Fred Mercury-ish voice made it easy forget that he was singing that horrible song.  I drew Adam after his bring the house down, all you others should go on home--- performance. I hit pause on my TIVO remote as teary eyed Paula was giving her glowing review.  His eyes began to water a bit as Paula started off rather clearly in her praise.

 

Rupaul's Drag Race

I am very late to the party that is Rupaul's Drag Race.  Not late in the watching and enjoyment part, but I am behind in doing drawings from the show.  If you've already seen this program, then you know it's probably the best thing ever on television.  If you aren't familiar, well, it's a reality show hosted by Rupaul (duh) and her search for America's Next Top Drag Performer.  The show is a strong cocktail made up of equal parts: Project Runway, Top Model, and a sloppy- drunken night at a lively drag bar.  Rupaul out of drag plays a Tim Gunn-ish mentor giving the drag performers guidance on whatever the week's challenge may be.  Rupaul always leaves the gals with the sage advice: And remember ladies, don't f*ck it up!  The last third of the show is shot with the most blurry soft camera focus imaginable.  It must be the same camera they use for Barbara Walters Prime Time interviews and anything Michael Jackson related.  That final portion of the program takes place on a catwalk with a judging panel.  Hello Project Runway.  Hello Top Model.  During this part, Rupaul channels Heidi Klum as hostess done up in glam to the hilt.  Extravaganza Eleganza!  I can't underscore just how out of focus the filming is during this portion.  I'm constantly rubbing my eyes in case the usually two glasses of wine I'd had by that point has made my vision go.  Rupaul also gives the same Don't F*ck It Up pep talk to the gals before they take the catwalk. After the judging, there's two contestants remaining who must lip sync for their lives.  Seriously.  The gals are given a song to prepare just in case it comes to that point and it's usually a fairly awful choice.  Sorry, but that's my opinion.  I'd prefer a "Poker Face" by Lady GaGa or "Pull Up To My Bumper" by Grace Jones, but that's just me. 
What's crazy is the show seems like it just started and after last night, there's only three queens remaining.  Not sure if that means one more show or two?  :(  The show definitely has a budget of $200 per episode feel so maybe this first season was meant to be brisk?  I just hope it goes on forever.  I mean if the mess American Idol can be in its 9th season, then certainly, hopefully Rupaul's Drag Race will come back for a couple more years.  Please LOGO, please.  Oh I must mention too that each week there are two huge, built, hunky chocolate adonises that bring the ladies drinks, give them fabric, pose in photos, sweep up.......... whatever's needed.  I wonder how much LOGO pays those two as I'm willing to match that salary.  They make me weak in the knees and other parts. :)
There are a number of contestants I've especially enjoyed, but for this first posting I'm focusing on my favorite, Nina Flowers. 

 

The Real Housewives of New York City. The new housewife beat up her boyfriend?

My inbox has been hit with an avalanche of emails about the newest housewife Kelly Killoren Bensimon beating up her boyfriend.  What, what, what?  Thanks everyone for sending me links and inquiries.  I, unfortunately, don't have an "insider" on the that show like I've had on the OC and Atlanta installments so I can't offer up any additional dish.  I will say that I figured Kelly might be a little wacky as she and Ramona seemed to hit it off.  Well, at least Ramona seems to think they hit it off. 
From The Daily Gossip News, here's part of the article:

New York's newest "Real Housewife" is denying blockbuster charges that she beat up her boyfriend, but the bruised beau said it happened - and it wasn't the first time.
Kelly Killoren Bensimon, 40, was arrested last week for misdemeanor assault after 30-year-old Nicholas Stefanov called cops, saying she punched him.
Bensimon, who appears on Bravo's hit reality show "The Real Housewives of New York City," hit him "with a closed fist, thereby causing informant to suffer a laceration below informant's left eye and substantial pain," the criminal complaint he filed with police charges.
The model/editor/reality TV star - who is actually divorced - turned herself in Thursday, two days after the incident. She was released on her own recognizance.
"The allegations are by a jilted lover saying she struck him during the course of an argument," said her lawyer Stephen Turano. "We deny the charges, and we are hopeful this will be resolved."

Juicy!  Please click here to read the rest.