Last night was the finale of The Real Housewives of Orange County season four. Wonder if anyone's cheeks were stained with mascara heavy tears at the thought of the OC gals not being in their living room on Tuesday nights? I began my farewell to the show ritual by slipping into a super low-cut, sleeveless, floor-length beast print gown. My heavily jewel encrusted neckline looked like it was covered with shattered disco ball bits. And my boobs which I had reduced last season, surprisingly looked even bigger than before. Weird, huh? I also bleached the sh*t out of my hair and did my best to simulate Gretchen's wave-like bangs which I endlessly played with during the program. I made a concerted effort to get myself Naked Wasted which was hard as I'd run out of my reality TV viewing staple, Cabernet. I destroyed my pantry searching for the makings of Vicki's signature dirty martini: good Vodka, vermouth, and blue cheese stuffed olives. No such luck though. :( So I opted for a half a glass of Makers Mark with two ice cubes instead. Manly huh? Enough with the nonsense....... It's time to say goodbye.
Goodbye Lynne.
Lynne, I'll miss you least of all. I especially won't miss your underage drinking daughters who you share your itty bitty dresses with and who you buy BMW's for even when they aren't in school, have a job, or a direction. Perhaps trying to be a mom instead of being their friend would be a good plan for you.
Goodbye Lauri.
That's an old drawing of Lauri from three seasons ago. She was so infrequently on this season which was too bad. She's grown on me over the years and I do think she looked beautiful on last night's episode. I hope much happiness for Lauri. Her daughter with the skin care line looked like she was wearing a really bad wig though. Maybe that daughter could launch a hair care/ wig care line? Hmmmm....
Goodbye Jo. Really, goodbye. See ya. Later. Go away. You can leave the runway.
Talk about bad wigs. The entertainer Jo.... just Jo, made a cameo on the finale wearing a wig that was part Jim Carrey from Dumb and Dumber mixed with Cher's Half Breed look. She's just like Madonna the way she reinvents herself. It's simply Ah-ma-ZING! Ugh. And when you go Jo, please take Slade with you.
Goodbye Tamra.
After Vicki, I'll miss you the most. You get it. You play to the camera and you've made this season interesting and memorable. Towards the end of last night's episode, when you dropped the bomb about Gretchen and Jeff's relationship--- Oh my! Oh my, my, my. In my slightly lit up state at that point of the show, I did my best to scribble down what Tamra said. Here goes....
"I don't know if I trust Gretchen. A lot of her stories don't add up. We don't believe Gretchen is dating this guy. He's paying her to take care of him. I do believe they have a relationship of convenience."
Goodness! Next week's reunion show looks like the sparks will be a fly-in'!
Goodbye Gretchen.
That's also a recycled image. I can only draw that tsunami of extensions so many times. Let's see.... I'll miss her bangs, veneers, and her fondness for wearing dresses & tops which have necklines covered in golf ball sized jewels. She loves the bling after all.
Goodbye Jeana.
That's also a recycled drawing from three years ago. I hope Jeana finds a man who treats her well and who punches her sons full in the face the next time they mouth off to her. Her children are all quite beautiful but those sons need some correcting. Quick! Her daughter Kara though seems like she's got it pretty together.
Goodbye Vicki.
Vicki, Vicki, Vicki. She's my reality TV muse and I will miss drawing her. I know I'm merciless in my depictions of her and I probably go a bit too far with these doodles, but I can't help it. She had me at Woo hoo! And she always will have me and my undivided attention.
Goodbye Housewives......... until we meet again.
A great big THANK YOU to Bravo for such entertaining programming.
Please click here to read past Real Housewives of Orange County entries.....
I'll be drawing The New York gals shortly. Please click here to view drawings from last season of The Real Housewives of New York.
All drawings done in about ten minutes each.
If you enjoy looking at my drawings online, the next step would be having one or two or three in your home. Interested? Click on over to my etsy shop and take a gander. And your credit card. :) Much appreciated!
STOP! I...CAN'T...STOP....LAUGHING! Seriously, I can't catch my breath between the drawings. Each drawing was better than the last. You nailed Lynn and Jo's drawing is priceless. But I do believe I spit on the computer screen at the drawing of Vicki. I, for one, will miss your drawings more than the actual show.
=) Diane
Posted by: Diane | February 18, 2009 at 01:51 PM
I'd like to order an oil on canvas portrait of Vicki for my living room. STAT.
Posted by: Mandy | February 18, 2009 at 01:53 PM
And goodbye to you my friend Gilmore. I'll miss you witty satire about these aging Pintos that are fighting time and gravity in a serious way. I hope in twenty years, Bravo does a sequel with these five attention starved bimbos and call it the Real Geriatrics of Orange County. Here we'll see the whole bunch of them, divorced, all banged up, yellow teeth meeting each other in their scooter chairs trying to hear each other. Slade Smiley keeps showing up like a bad case of the clap. You are spot on about Jo. She looked like Cleopatra exhumed. Lauri and George make my balls shrink and hide. Gretchen and that damned laugh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. The rest of the gang will fade eventually and then have to come to terms with reality. The one their parents created and exposed to a national audience. Swinging, boozing, partying, boozing. It's going to be a hard life for the lot of them.
Posted by: Mike aka runwithwind | February 18, 2009 at 02:05 PM
How come you can't get Tamara right? Not one of your drawerings look even remotely like her.
Huh? How come?
Posted by: AdoringFan | February 18, 2009 at 02:55 PM
The only thing I look forward to more than Tuesday nights is your next posting. While I do feel for Lauri going through all the madness with Josh, did you catch when she told Kim that she just tries to keep a smile on her face? I couldn't contain my laughter, and I watched she did keep smiling her face didn't move at all! I'm still not to fond of the NY wives I will probablt follow through your drawings again. Thanks for a great season Gilmore!
Posted by: Margo Fletcher | February 18, 2009 at 02:59 PM
Wow, there is no stopping your perfection of Tamra now! That sketch IS her!
When I think of the finale, three main things come to mind.."Look at the watch I bought myself," "Look at my new bracelet", "Look at my new motorcycle." It should all be followed by "Nanee Nanee Boo Boo."
I miss Lauri and Tammy -- so it was nice to see them.
I don't miss Slade and Jo -- it was not so nice seeing them. Your sketch of Jo was HILARIOUS! That hairstyle looked hideous on her.
Ok, can't wait to see your NYC housewives! Bring it on David!
Posted by: Jenny | February 18, 2009 at 03:20 PM
I'm upset that I won't have them to let me into their lives with this program.
I'll miss Vicki with an I the most.
Posted by: Anthony | February 18, 2009 at 04:30 PM
Gilmore perfection as always. Oddly Vicki was the only one dressed apporpriately. Everyone else was I just wanted to claw my eyes out. I am starting to really like NYC. Two observations on both shows:
1) Kelly is airbrushed to an inch of her life
2) Why can no one get good plastic surgery. Kim and those shelf boobs when she needs a nose job, Betheny has rocks, and Kelly's are in her armpits.
But what do I know I have my original parts :-)
Posted by: HotHausenfrau | February 18, 2009 at 04:58 PM
Tamra is trailer trash and fat, Jeana has a mouth like truck driver, Jo is ugly ugly, Slade is a pathetic poor little man, Vicki is just nuts, Lynn will have her daughters living with her for the rest of her life, Lauri still looks like a man, George is just weird, Ryan is spooky looking, Simon is a loser, Donn is a crass as Vicki.
Think that sums up my feelings.
Posted by: suz | February 18, 2009 at 05:55 PM
Kelly is HOT HOT HOT. Bethany has ALWAYS been HOT. They are the only two women on there that I'd do the chinese one eyed roll back just thinking of them. NY housewives is a disaster. Too many Yentas, too little class and too much in your face. I much prefer OC skanks to the NY Yanks.
Posted by: Mike aka runwithwind | February 18, 2009 at 05:58 PM
Vicki looked stunning at the final party, and I really felt bad for her when her daughter unveiled the military idea. Vicki was her old self this entire episode, finally.
Gilmore, I hope you watch the NY crew and continue your posts, pretty please?!
Posted by: TeamGretchen | February 18, 2009 at 06:03 PM
I. LOVE. YOU. I watched and just imagined how you would make me giggle today! I will miss the overtanned tw*ts, but now I look forward to the ladies of NYC! TEAM JILL!
Posted by: Babs | February 18, 2009 at 06:13 PM
Your comment on Jo, priceless. Her portrait, flattering in its likeness to her. Gilmore I thank you for making this season noteworthy. Bravo owes you a night out with cocktails and cleavage, a day at the spa in "Beverly Hills Adjacent" something crusted in diamonds and a reason to say Newport or Laguna Beach eight times in every paragraph. And finally hooker boots and a skytop from South Coast Plaza. Lets all give a big WOOHOO to Gilmore!
Posted by: Jeff | February 18, 2009 at 06:32 PM
Oh that Vicki. She delights in emasculating Don whenever she gets a chance. "Look at my Rolex I bought for myself because my husband doesn't make enough money to buy one for me." Jeana called her out on that shit. Vicki and Tamra are so ate up with jealousy toward Gretchen. If I were Vicki's kid, I'd run away to a war zone too.
NY: I think Bethany and the new chick are going to cut each other up next week. Can't wait.
Posted by: jimmy | February 18, 2009 at 06:53 PM
Long time lurker, first time commenter.
Thank you so much, Gilmore & PotO community, for helping me laugh off the main reason I'm embarrassed of my homeland! The housewives are so trashy and so bitchy, but that's what make them so funny!
I'll probably miss Jeana the most, as she's the one Coto/Ladera gal I could actually empathize with. I do hope Lauri comes back in Season 5 with all the rest, as I hadn't realized how likable she is until she left... Only for her vacant spot to be filled by the "always (mentally) vacant" Lynne. While Vicki & Tamra always provided good laughs, they were starting to go overboard in attacking Gretchen.
Whatever, time to move onto NYC for now. Go, Team Jill! :-D
Posted by: atdleft | February 18, 2009 at 07:10 PM
Bravo owes you a night out with cocktails and cleavage, a day at the spa in "Beverly Hills Adjacent" something crusted in diamonds and a reason to say Newport or Laguna Beach eight times in every paragraph. And finally hooker boots and a skytop from South Coast Plaza. Lets all give a big WOOHOO to Gilmore!
Agreed, Jeff. As long as Gilmore takes me with him and we get suites at the Montage for this "Real Housewives Style Pampering Weekend", I'm all for it! ;-)
Posted by: atdleft | February 18, 2009 at 07:14 PM
Mike (@ 5:58 PM): As an OC skankbiscuit myself, I must admit that our local housewives haven't been as exciting as the new wives in NYC and (especially!!) ATL. Every time Tamra started a fight with Gretchen, I could only think of how it paled in comparison to the legendary Nene v. Kim (ATL) melees! Every time our dear Vicki started some inappropriate flirting, I wondered why Ramona (NYC) couldn't be there to start her crazy booty dancing.
So on that note, I'm SO excited my NYC gals are back! Jill & Bethenny are real firecrackers! And while we didn't see much Ramona last night, we at least were graced by her rather rude "ambiance" in the end. Oh, and how 'bout the "We Hate The Hamptons!!" couple, Alex & Simon, trying so hard to hit the social scene... In The Hamptons!
I can hardly wait until "Countess" LuAnn goes all "discountless" on us next week... ;-)
Posted by: atdleft | February 18, 2009 at 07:42 PM
Everything that is wrong in America was on full display in this episode. Al Qaeda could use this episode for motivation in their training camps.
Posted by: Virginia | February 18, 2009 at 08:25 PM
I am holding my breath for your torrent of bitchery and brilliant drawings of RHNY season two. But I will miss your drawings of the OC ladies, especially Vicky, WOO HOO, Gretchen (fucking genius), and poor Jeana. That drawing made me sad, really. But last night she was working it, I guess schtupping that hairy chested dude got her mojo back. Good for her.
I am dying to see how you render Bethenny's hot mess of a boob job . those blobs of silicone awkwardly resting atop her bony torso. Yuck.
Posted by: Petite Maoiste | February 18, 2009 at 09:43 PM
I missed the show!!!
I won't read anything above until I do, not reading your post Gilmore is killing me.
Posted by: Maggie | February 18, 2009 at 10:10 PM
Did you know that one of Jeff's daughters is on this season of "Rock of Love"? Is the family trying to corner the reality show market?
As always you were right on the money Gilmore! Bravo owes you big time!
ITA with most of the above posters. I'd run away to a war zone too if Vicki was my mother.
Posted by: Calulu | February 19, 2009 at 05:37 AM
Gilmore - as King David Geffen said of Steven Speilberg: "You're a national treasure."
Posted by: M. O'Connell | February 19, 2009 at 06:04 AM
Oh man, that was funny. You gave poor Vicki with an "i" a stroke in her drawing. How sad.
Posted by: carlos | February 19, 2009 at 06:14 AM
Bless your darkheart. Woo hoo, it has been a Real, Labor of Love. They should do a Real World, one luxurious dwelling, featuring the "best" of Real Ho.'s., with unsupervised cabanas for all their kids, next season. Throw in one or two men to bring out the fierce in the women. The masses must have their entertainment!
Posted by: sosaid | February 19, 2009 at 10:51 AM
Great job on drawing George Petersons three chins. It must take him hours to shave all three of them.
Posted by: Mike aka runwithwind | February 19, 2009 at 02:39 PM
I always feel a bit of relief when this show ends. Its like watching the Beverly hillbillies, but with even less class.
Is everybody in the O. C. all the rejects from the rest of the country? Not one of these babes (I use that in the vernacular) has an iota of class or self respect. Everything is fake, including their lives.
Grownups who don't know how to use silver, dress appropriately ,parent appropriately (if at all) and think fake tits are the key to a long happy life.
What am I missing?
Thank you Gilmore for making us laugh even louder:)
Posted by: Grace | February 19, 2009 at 10:14 PM
I am sad, I just got to see the finale. I am going to miss checking POTO too see if Gilmore had posted that weeks RHOC. I'll miss your lovey renditions of Vicki. I respect so much your devotion to her. I wish Vicki would realize you love her most of all. Not Don, not Lucy, not Brianna, not Michael, Gilmore, he loves you Vicki he does. She should just move you in to that empty house, rent free of course.
The finale, Jeana Tomasina is back behind the wheel of that ZZ top hot rod and is looking fine. I am sure when Jeana was in all of their videos Tamra was at home praying one day to be a video vixen like Jeana. I hope things get better for her.
Vicki, well I seriously thought while Brianna was talking about joining the military Vick was seeing herself in fatigues, a la Goldie Hawn in Private Benjamin, following Brianna to Iraq.
Lynne, "raising teenage girls is so difficult". Raquel is no longer a girl, she is a young woman who acts like a trollop. Maybe if Lynne got all of the ganja out of her system, the task might not be that daunting. The drinking and driving thing I have zero tolerance for, nope none, homie don't play that.
Tamra, OK don't be proud and bragging about no sorry ass 18K white gold girlfriend, it needs to be platinum.
Gretchen, ummm was the letter from Jeff written in that really girly script with purple ink. Yes, I am sure while Jeff is in the final stages of Cancer on series 3 narcotics he was capable of phoning in a an order for a bike. I have a feeling someone did that for themself. Your weave looks sorry, and that is coming from my heart. Where ever you are buying your hair, they are selling you some low grade locks.
Vicki it is just a Rolex for gods sake. Not exactly the most expensive or impressive. You could have bought that for yourself years ago.
Finally Lauri, I was on my treadmill watching E True Hollywood Story, rock star wives. I think her sister is the wife of Vince Neil.She is probably 10 years younger than Lauri uncanny the resemblance. Get george some chin work, why oh why does he walk around like that.
Is Jo trying to do the Lady Gaga thing, it is not working. Footnote here, did you know Jo's parents won the CA Lotto.
Sorry so lengthy, and forgive is spelling or grammatical errors. Thanks again Gilmore, Bravo needs to put you on the payroll. Que Kim, " it's a tightrope between me and you" see ya in the ATL
Posted by: Maggie | February 19, 2009 at 11:30 PM
Ditch the NY Housewives... Keep the OC Housewives... The NY Housewives are so hateful and skanky and trashy... and catfights all the time... I just get into the show and the OC housewives and now they are over with... I will NOT watch Bravo until you bring back the OC Housewives, at least they have some class. Those others in NY do NOT have class. And their accents are annoying.
Posted by: Cindy Rakers-Mizeur | February 19, 2009 at 11:59 PM
"She had me at Woo hoo! "
me toooo...(sob sob sob – grabs tissue).
Posted by: I'm ashamed I love this show | February 25, 2009 at 02:32 PM
Jo and her Inca Princess coiffure has got to GO!!!!
Posted by: Bryan | February 27, 2009 at 07:22 AM
Wow, I am so glad to see everyone being able to post their true feelings about the show instead of the candy coated kiss up postings on the blogs at the shows website. Never have I seen so many posts where all of the real comments are filtered out and whats left is a bunch of phony compliments. I must say I am happy Lauri and her pathetic whining about her problems (while she sucks George dry of money) are done since she has been replaced by another overaugmented goldigging bimbo (Alexis) this season. I do like this season the best of the ones I have seen.
Posted by: Gabby | November 29, 2009 at 11:28 AM