I watched last week's Real Housewives of Orange County while visiting my bff in La Jolla, CA. Fortunately my TIVO recorded the episode. Thanks TIVO! Watching it again tonight while drinking and drawing, a good friend called who I hadn't heard from in a long while. In my excited and slightly intoxicated state, I somehow hit delete when I meant to save the program. Oopsy! I was only about half way through the show so I didn't get a chance to draw anything that happened after about thirty minutes in. If memory serves, the rest of the show was full of Lynne's daughter whining about wanting a car for her birthday. There was also the introduction of Lynne to the pack which would have been fun to draw. 
I'm beginning, as usual, with my sweet Vicki. What caused her to have the above reaction? Was it when she and her daughter Brianna tried giving blood and Vicki was rejected because she had the acne medicine Acutane in her system? And trace amounts of craziness. Hmm..... Or was it when Vicki asked Brianna if she loved her more than she loved her pug? Possibly. Could it have been during the introduction dinner when Lynne yelled CU_T! because the other gals were talking too much about their kids? Seems likely. Perhaps it was during the confessional scene when Vicki denied Jeana's joking assertion that she has multiple lovers in Florida? Picture that. Maybe if one of you recognizes that expression you could tell me what's going on as I've forgotten.
One of the more excruciating scenes took place when pageant hair with veneers (Gretchen) had a ladies lunch with age-obsessed and age-denying Lynne.
Such a big deal was being made about Lynne's pictured above reluctance to reveal her age. All kinds of age related questions were posed and Lynne refused to take the bait.
This is Lynne in a confessional moment saying that she still hasn't grown up and is still a kid. Hmmmm... So how old is Lynne? My mom was 40 when she had me. Lynne's oldest daughter is 18 I believe, so assuming she was my mom's age when she had her daughter...... could it be that Lynne is 58? Could be. Could be older than that. Anyone know?
The show also had a really absurd blast from the past. Jo De La Something or Other was on season one and two. I'd Google her name, but I'm really not that invested. Her storyline took on a really unimaginable angle when Jo De La La La La La was magically and unexpectedly transformed into a songstress. My fingers cramped up typing that. She has a voice that would challenge Paula Abdul to find something nice to say about it. Jo De La Attention-Whore came on last week's episode to film a music video for her new single. Ah ha ha ha Ah ha ha ha Ah ha ha ha!!!!! Oh it was really good. Really Playboy Channel telethon--- good. Really you tube tone-def drag queen--- good. My apologies to drag queens. Really shouldn't be allowed to sing anywhere but the shower--- good. Really Jo made Kim from the Real Housewives of Atlanta look like a good singer--- good. My fear is that someone gave Jo De La Cu_t! a copy of The Secret and she pictured herself making a music video--- and it worked! Damn you The Secret!!!!
This is Jo De La Secret snacking on celery in between grueling takes for her video. In that video, Jo had to take off her trench coat revealing a dress that any drag queen with good sense would think twice about before wearing. Then, if that wasn't complicated enough, Jo De La Bad Dress had to turn left, confidently walk about five steps, grab a glass of champagne and then in a No You're Not Gonna Get Any Of This strut- she had to walk back to where she started. Lord, how many takes did that require? :) :(
That's that.
All drawing took about 10 to 15 minutes to do. A large glass of Cabernet didn't hurt either.
To see other Real Housewives drawings, click here for all the madness.
If you enjoy looking at my drawings online, the next step would be having one or two or three in your home. Interested? Click on over to my etsy shop and take a gander. And your credit card. :) Much appreciated!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Posted by: Carlos | January 05, 2009 at 09:11 PM
Please tell me you have noticed that one of Lynne's boobs is totally higher than the other! You must include her wonkiness in your drawings!
Love your blog!
Posted by: jmac | January 05, 2009 at 11:24 PM
Oh, God help me, I love your commentary as much as the show. And better than TWOP, because any shows they recap stretch out for, like, 15 pages.
Thank you. :-)
Posted by: kristin/kwr221 | January 06, 2009 at 07:41 AM
Your take on the housewives is priceless! As I'm watching, I find myself guessing which Vicki expression you are going to draw.
Posted by: Susan | January 06, 2009 at 07:41 AM
Lynn is supposedly 52.
Posted by: Susan | January 06, 2009 at 07:41 AM
I think your commentaries are what have made this show watchable this season.
Wouldn't it be great if they invited you on for the Reunion episode at the end?
Posted by: Carlos | January 06, 2009 at 07:41 AM
Did you catch that Laurie is back next week? From what I saw her lip hasn't gotten any bigger and her lip gloss in noticably less shiny.
Vivki is so completely insane that it is almost painful to watch her. I get the feeling that she has been mad at Jeana lately that's why she's sucking up to Tammi. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm just saying.
The Jo picture is genious.
Posted by: Karen | January 06, 2009 at 08:21 AM
Oh Gilmore - My day is complete with that lovely dose of RHOC.
And you're right - that lunch thing where they all whined and self obssesed was painfully sick.
I despise that little troll Jo - and that slimeball Slade - ECK!! Without make up that girl is s-c-a-r-y.
I'll be parked in front of it tonight, and anxiously awaiting your new drawings! I {{heart}} Gilmore!
Posted by: Momma T | January 06, 2009 at 09:12 AM
I absolutely love the fact that Lynne was like, "Let's stop talking about the kids and cancer." Vicki got so pissed, cause someone else was controlling. Pot meet Kettle!
Didn't you love the whole staged, "Ryan got that tattoo cause it was what they called his miscarried child?" PUH-LEASE! Tamra had to come up with it, cause Ryan isn't that bright (not to say Tamra is a genius).
Posted by: John Sherwood | January 06, 2009 at 10:53 AM
Ya, DG, you should have drawn Ryan's chicken nugget! Can you imagine the hell you would have gotten with THAT. Draw Ryan pulling out his lip showing his "pot" nugget tattoo with his flairing lips and hairplugs! THAT would be hilarious!
Lauri coming back tonight is great. We need her back as there is SO much more to her and Chin-meister's story. Does anyone know where his missing son Slayte is?
Posted by: Lorelei | January 06, 2009 at 11:27 AM
i watched this episode and somehow missed the jo de lalalaa lame music video!!!! oh man that almost beats Gretchen crying because Tamra called her out on being on vacation while Jeff dies. that was AWESOME by the way. PLEASE PLEASE draw Gretchen crying at the table with ZERO emotion on her face because of all the botox/plastic surgery/meth. oh which reminds me-her meth face is totally worth pointing out. and you COMPLETELY nailed Lynne.
bravo
Posted by: B | January 06, 2009 at 02:31 PM
Maybe it was the booze, Gilmore, but I thought Kim from RHoA made Jo sound like a real singer. Damn, I cannot believe I typed THAT!
I guess we can count ourselves lucky that Fryan's lip tattoo wasn't like your tramp stamp.
Posted by: Ubiquitous | January 06, 2009 at 05:53 PM
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @ Lynne. That drawing is sooooooo on point
Posted by: Matilda | January 06, 2009 at 05:53 PM
Hello Gilmore!
Thank you for posting, I look forward to your "Housewives" posting all week. You are a wonderful artist! Great drawings as usual, you've got Vick"i" down cold and amazing drawings of that new skank Lynn.
I am probobly behind the times here, but did you catch Vicki's embalmed friend "Holly"? She was in the Lake Havasu episode. She should have had a bag over her head! Apparently she "treated" herself to breast implants after her divorce, Uhhh...she appears to be close to 60 and Vicki enviously commmented on her "rockin' bod". I thought my corneas were damaged beyond repair..and then Ryan appeared with his new tatoo.
God forbid I am ever around when these rich white trash folks gather. I am by no means a prude, but these women and their offspring are so offensive and crude, without any redeeming social skills or actvities...I don't know...Is this an alternate universe?
Posted by: Carlie | January 06, 2009 at 06:01 PM
Jmac, I noticed it.
I think Lynne's oldest daughter is funny as hell. "We're the same size, bitch"
Last week's episode left me with a bad taste in my mouth about Tamra. I liked her before this but god she looked like she was totally stirring the turd at dinner.
Posted by: Sweet Herald | January 06, 2009 at 06:27 PM
If u want to know Lynn's age, at least the ballpark, look at her feet in the episode where she is shoppin w/her girls. Her veins are literally poppin out of her feet
Posted by: Matilda | January 06, 2009 at 06:27 PM
too funny as usual. I can't stop watching though. What is wrong?
Killer line?
My fear is that someone gave Jo De La Cu_t! a copy of The Secret and she pictured herself making a music video--- and it worked! Damn you The Secret!!!!
too funny!!
:-)
sean808080
http://sean808080.com
Posted by: sean808080 | January 06, 2009 at 08:50 PM
I love these so much!
Posted by: Anthony | January 07, 2009 at 07:57 AM
fickin hilarious.i read this when im depressed-this always gives me a good laugh no matter what.great illustrations and acute observations of these awful wastes of breathing space.i could not believe how eating disorderish lynne is,and i also could not believe the episode where that nasally crack head kara was with simon and had to say vagina out loud,and proud,with simons small kids present.she's a penis-less neanderthal like her oafy brothers,ugg and ugg.
Posted by: cherylb | January 07, 2009 at 07:57 AM
omg - you're a hoot and your recaps are spot on.
The drawings are perfection!
Posted by: big bertha | January 07, 2009 at 02:27 PM
Seriously, Tamra's spawn is fug. Her first husband must have been Frankenstein. Between his fugness and her single digit IQ, that poor child doesn't have a chance. The thought that he impregnated some poor hapless creature is really unsettling. What kind of creature would let that douche near her?
Lynne, bless her heart, is clearly the long lost love child of Arnold and Eunice Shriver. Sorry, Maria.
Posted by: Jason | January 07, 2009 at 02:27 PM
Fantastic job as usual!
What gets me about this show is how myopic and, sorry to say, stupid most of these women are. They cant communicate because they have neither the vocabulary or the complex thought processes to articulate their feelings.
Secondly, they are not only coming off as moronic (a miscarried baby as a chicken nugget - give me a break. That kid was talking about weed and everyone knows it) but so alarmingly insecure.
Or is it just the editing?
Posted by: Cameron | January 07, 2009 at 02:28 PM
I have to agree that the only way this show is enjoyable this season is with this website as its companion. Jo and Slade, feh what a snooze. I would sooner watch an episode dedicated to Lauri reading the Pennysaver to the camera then endure those two pills ever again. And come on those of us who have been to South Coast Plaza know how immense that mall is and how high end 90% of the stores are. So why do we keep returning to that same tired Ho-store for more early 90's Kelly Bundy-esque dresses?
Posted by: Jeff | January 07, 2009 at 06:09 PM
40 is pretty old for a mom, so I wouldn't assume Lynne was 58. My mom was 30, which she considered old. I'd say more like 49 or 50.
PS my cousin was i Las Vegas recently and shared a bar with Vicki and Tamra! She said Vicki's kids kept apologizing for how drunk she was.
Posted by: gbs | January 07, 2009 at 06:09 PM
Hilarious! Gilmore, I laughed out loud on Jo and The Secret comment. You are brilliant.
Posted by: Carol Williams | January 07, 2009 at 06:26 PM
I love love LOVE reading your blog! Especially about the 'wannabe' housewives!
I think it's sooo funny that maaaybe Tamra looked young-ish last season, but now that Gretchen is in the picture Tamra looks so old! Haha!
XOXO
Posted by: Lesli | January 07, 2009 at 06:26 PM
Why is it you're a week behind? This week was the 'Laurie Returns' episode and I beg to differ on her top lip. It could also be referred to as the 'Everyone Backstabs Everyone' episode. Nobody was safe! And the previews of next week were stellar: Tamra hosts a party, coaches her NuggetLip spawn to feed Gretchen tequila shots (which he does) and it looks like Nugget & Gretchen go off to make up for her Sugar Daddy being in ICU/unable to sexually serve her...Juicy!
Posted by: Kimberly | January 08, 2009 at 06:43 PM
Will Gretchen bang Ryan?
Stay tuned!
Posted by: Steve | January 11, 2009 at 02:33 PM
Anyone PLEASEEEEE
I cant say why the ($ck I watch this show, other than as a young girl from a very privileged family, its EXACTALY what my parents told me NOT TO BECOME. This is like watching a train wreck. Am I the only one who closes their eyes, when Gretchen and Vicki Speak?
To hear either of their voices actually make me curl... . .
Not to leave Tamara (is that really a name for a white girl?) out but her "so low class comment" made me spit my wine out. She is the epitome of low class. Did anyone see her at a real restaurant in Napa?
People like that don't deserve to go to Napa! My guess is Bravo paid for the dinner.
Bottom line here is Vicki, (from a low income suburb in Illinois), Tamara ( ghetto all the way) Gretchen, (beautiful, and oh so stupid) and at last but not least Gina,( living in the past, although the only girl on the show with any class at all. Its too early to blast Lynn, but I'll go out on a limb and say she seems half way normal.
Posted by: Grace | January 11, 2009 at 02:33 PM
"Is that really a name for a white girl?" reads RACIST to me, Grace. Whether you grew up "privileged" or not. Check it.
As for the RHOC, I love to judge them. Gilmore, your drawings are perfect. Keep it coming!
Posted by: MamaSarah | January 13, 2009 at 09:34 AM
LOL...I love reading these posts! And the drawings are to die for!
Posted by: kristi | January 13, 2009 at 10:48 AM
Does Lynne remind anyone of Steven Tyler from Aerosmith? I cannot look at her without thinking that!! Love the commentary!!
Posted by: Lynn Shirley | January 13, 2009 at 02:19 PM
Oh these are just FANTASTIC Gilmore!!! You are single-handedly responsible for me becoming addicted to Real Housewives. Thanksalot, pal.
Posted by: 14 | January 13, 2009 at 03:49 PM
I hear they are going to have to bury Vicki in a Y shaped coffin. Her legs are like a 7-11. Open all night. Havasu should be renamed, Havashrew.
Posted by: Simon Barney | January 14, 2009 at 11:37 AM
Love your blog . . .love the blog comments. Right on. I have added you to my favorites!
Posted by: Alex | January 20, 2009 at 08:44 PM
I follow you VIA GFC and I love your blog!
Posted by: supra vaider | October 02, 2011 at 12:49 AM