The 40 year old "girl" with permanent makeup.

I do a variety of freelance art-related things.  Among those things would include painting murals in homes and businesses.  I've observed and over heard some very funny, nasty, sad, and weird stuff over the years and this is a little story that has stuck in my head.  Out of respect for my clients and out of an interest in avoiding being sued, I've changed the names, but not the experience.

About five years ago an interior decorator referred me to a couple who lives in a large, gated community in Orange County, CA called Coto De Caza.  That's the community where some of the cast members from The Real Housewives of Orange County live.  Bill and Janet were the home owners and a very sweet couple.  Bill was a gentle giant who favored large, gas guzzling trucks and boats and would chug two bottles of beer within five minutes of getting home from work.  His wife Janet was a text book Trophy MILF.  Within minutes of meeting her, she described herself as a 38 year old Christian, scrap booking, soccer mom, which I believe is code for swinger.  Scrap booking probably means she favors girl on girl action while her husband watches.  Janet also had a love of gossiping about her neighbors and speculating about how much money they earned.
So I did the project- they loved it- mission accomplished.  My job is to satisfy my clients no matter how stupid, predictable, or lame their desires are.  :)  Two year later, Janet called and asked if I could come back for another project. 
When Janet answered the door, she had an ice pack covering the left side of her face.  I asked if I should the police and she smiled, pulled away the ice pack, and informed me that she'd just gotten permanent makeup applied.  In other words, she had eyeliner and eyebrows tattooed on!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  Can you even imagine how bad that would hurt?  While her left eye lid was being tattooed, her tear duct had become irritated and that eye all but swelled shut and was non-stop tearing.

"You know us girls", she said "we're all vain."  Janet was now 40.
We then discussed what she wanted for the next job and I began the following day.  Janet kept saying her next door neighbor was an interior designer and she wanted that woman to come have a look at what I was doing.  If memory serves it was a giant "Tuscany" themed nightmare I was creating.  As the days passed, Janet's eye stayed in about the same degree of inflammation and the talk of this neighbor continued. 
On the third day of the project, the designing neighbor arrived.  She was well into her 70's, and in spite of the 95 degrees temp, she was wearing wool pants, a turtle neck, and a cardigan.  Lily was her name.  Lily loved what I was doing but was concerned about Janet's eye.
Janet explained that she was tired of applying eye liner and eyebrow pencil and thought that permanent makeup what shave seconds off of her day. As if she was a toy and her string had been pulled, she uttered, "You know us girls, we're all vain."
Lily nodded her head in agreement, and said the following without a hint of sarcasm. "Oh Janet, I think you're smart to have done that.  Just imagine if there was an earthquake in the middle of the night and you had to run out into the street......  You'd look beautiful while the other wives would be looking a fright."
I about bit my tongue off trying not to laugh.  I scanned both their faces looking for a sign that one of them would laugh too, but no, the message was sent and received with complete seriousness. 
You know, God forbid that there's a big earthquake in Southern California because the real tragedy wouldn't be the loss of life and property.  No.  It would be catching a glimpse of a 40 year old scrap booking, Christian, soccer mom out in the street without well defined eyebrows or eye lids.  That would be the real disaster and no insurance policy can cover that kind of damage.

That's my story.

Thanks for indulging me.

Comments

[Greg O]

OMG!! lol

[Jenny]

What a strange and interesting real life story, I am sure Vicki of RHOOC would approve! It is so cool to get a glimpse of a world so foreign to my own. Will you be watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta? Can you believe they just keep cranking more of these things out?

[Amanda]

I'm still laughing - with tears in my eyes!!

[Aidalys]

OMG LMAO. I love reading your blog. Where are those Martini pics you promised us from your visit to your sister's?

[Priscilla Velasquez]

Thats funny.

[Victoria]

OH MY GOD! Unbelieveable! OUch! Ouch! Ouch! People can be so superficial and self absorbed. Hey I've got allergies, so my eyes turn red and tear up all on thier own. Love your web site, love your stories and LUV your art! By the way I LOVE when you TIVO reality shows and draw people. My favorite was the Brett Michales show. :)

[Ginger]

LMAO...

[nicki]

Oh wow that's crazy! I have a cousin who had her eyelids tattooed so its look like she is wearing eyeliner. I remember asking her "What if one day you want to just look natural and fresh and not so dolled up?" and her response was of course "Why would I want to look like that" . Her eyes looked like edie sedgwick 24/7.

[Snarf]

Well, at least she has her priorities straight.

[Amanda]

@ nicki - "Why would I want to look like that" - priceless!!

[gbs]

i remember seeing an article on permanent make-up a while ago in the paper, and thought "hmm, that could be nice! never have to put on make-up again!"
of course, then I turned the page and moved on.

[PoorBritney.com]

Holy hell David. I'm 42 and had my lips tattooed and my eyebrows!!! I'm that woman!

Crap.

I had my eyebrows tatoo'd about 8 years ago into a lovely shade of cocoa brown. I'm blonde so my eyebrows were really light and I was friggen tired of always penciling color into the hairs and then forgetting, and wiping my forehead or eye and off it would go.

I wanted perfect eyebrows while I was getting drunk at the river without carrying eye pencil sticks in my lovely one piece Newport News waste sincher swimsuit. (it didnt work).

You are right. the pain is undescrib! The lips felt like someone was sewing my mouth shut. The lip liner has sense worn off thank God and I'm too scared to redo my brows so I'm now using the old tattoo as color beneath the real eyebrows.

Too much information?

Probably.

[Shelley]

That's the exact reason I don't sleep naked!

[Nechyfer]

Hey David,
Veryyy interesting...you know what they say truth is stranger than fiction. "Always look ready during acts of nature or G_d! Tattoo your face!!! Be ready anytime anyplace!"
Sorry LOL couldn't help myself. ;-p

[KG]

I found this story a bit sad, really. I wonder if her eye ever got better.

[Kate]

My ex-boyfriend's parents live in Cote De Caza. BOTH of them have tattooed eye make- up. They both felt it gave them a commanding presense when speaking to other people, like they thought their tattoo lined eyes would mesmerize the unsuspecting public or something. I liked them a lot, but damn, they looked ridiculous.

[midevil]

Man, I don't even wear makeup. I guess I'll never be ready for a disaster. I do, however, have a tattoo elsewhere on the body. I like the flame-type tats people get on the side of their faces, that crawl across towards the forehead--now that's cool!