The Millionaire Matchmaker makes me unsure

I've gotten so many requests to draw the new Bravo show The Millionaire Matchmaker but I wasn't quite sure if I could commit.  I'd seen the commercials and honestly hadn't been bitten.  Sure, I'll watch all kinds of reality TV, especially if it's on Bravo but a matchmaker show....... seemed uninspiring.  I've Tivo'd all the episodes but just couldn't bring myself to watch.   I know my BFF has seen the show so I asked his opinion about that matchmaker chick.  He said, "she's a mean, dumb, unlikable c*nt." After hearing that, I couldn't get to a glass of red wine, a pen and some paper, and my Tivo remote fast enough.  In that order of course.

This is Patty Stanger, The Millionaire matchmaker, and I'm happy to announce that my BFF's description of her is spot on.  Patty says when a millionaire approaches her escort service, that he has what she likes to call an "illness."  Her escort service will diagnosis and develop a treatment for said "illness." 

The treatments her escort service includes are: date coaching, psychological evaluations, relationship counseling, image consulting, decorating advice, mass exposure for attention whores, ass bleaching, hammer toe removal, pillow biting interference, chronic halitosis correction, ball busting, and a lowering of expectations.

An example of her treatment in action is as follows:
A late forties millionaire wanted to get hooked up with a Cindy Crawford type from ten years ago.  In other words, the 46+ year old wanted a twenty something hottie.  Patty wasn't having any of this twenty year age difference business so she devised an ingenuous plan.  She would hook the 46+ guy up with a young chick, only to have the girl flake out on him.  That flaking out would certainly teach the millionaire a valuable life lesson.  In her own words, he'd "reevaluate his immortality."  The dude would see that he really should be with someone closer to his own age.
Wow, Patty's a f*cking genius.  Patty's a wizard.  Patty should go work for the UN.  Hell, Patty for President!  Patty, Patty, Patty!!!!!!!

There you have it.  Not sure if I can take another episode of this show.  Or can I?  Hmmmmmmm..... my Tivo is full of back episodes.  We'll see.

Each drawing took about fifteen minutes to complete with pen on paper.  One HUGE glass of Cabernet certainly helped.
Also, I'd like to mention that my spelling is atrociosh, atroshsish, really bad sober.  But give me a glass of wine and my spelling is almost like another language.  Thanks to all of you who write in with spelling corrections.  :)  Much appree-she-ated. 

If you enjoy looking at my drawings online, the next step would be having one or two or three in your home.  Interested?  Click on over to my etsy shop and take a gander.  And your credit card.  :)  Much appreciated!

Comments

[Megan]

Patty looks like a man.

[stuck in AL]

"Catty" is quite full of herself, isn't she? Too bad you didn't show her two favorite assets that begin under her chin! I've watched the show twice but I don't think I can stand her either. Losers hooking up with losers. I think I'll stick with "The Hills". Same plot, just not as concentrated!

[Jeff]

Actually I found this show quite useful! I had it Tivo'd and being a chronic insomniac checked my list and thought HEY this will 3AM infotain me! less than 15 minutes in I was out like a light, Thanks Patty!

[Doodlewhore.com]

You captured her waxy/lumpy/reconstructed hatchet face perfectly! She looks like melting candle with a black wig and red pantsuit.

[Chris]

Horrible show. She gives fashion advice and I cringe. I pray for Carson Cressley to come out of a closet and kick her in the face.

[Deena]

if her clients had as big of balls as she does she'd be out of business. patty could be Jeana's (from real housewives of orange county) younger sister

[Fri]

Oh Gilmore! Thank you so much for jumping onboard with my TV obsessions and doing them justice with your inks. I too have been bitten by the millionaire bitch. She brings out my inner yenta. Oy!

[Ashleigh]

When are you going to do the drawings for Rock of Love?

[PoorBritney.com]

I have to agree with your BFF. This woman forgets that she is being paid by men to find them sex, I mean dates. I'd tell her to take her shitty attitude and go get laid herself! I hate her and her oversized lips. Not loving this show at all.

[Beth]

I watched some of this particular episode and saw all these women with dollar symbols in their eyes herded together like cattle for the approval of some rich guy. A millionare that can't find a wife? Can we say loser?

[javelin]

I hate her! instead of trying to find someone who will appreciate the client for who he is, she uses harsh words to pressure them into becoming her 'mold' of what the perfect guy is. Plus, if it's "the Millionaire's Club" why doesn't she allow female millionaires to join as clients? dumb bitch.

[Kate]

Oh God. Now I am sorely tempted to check out this show. You're like a pied piper and I will gleefully following you into the seediest underbelly of trash reality tv. Scary...and yet so amorally rewarding.

[Margo]

You know what "millionare" she needs to consult? Bret Michaels, anyone else with me here?

[Amber]

I love this! You capture her so well in caricature form Gilmore :)

[tom]

Saw the show for a minute and she was yelling at some guy because he didn't plan his next date with the woman at the end of the first date, saying that he's too West Coast and on the East Coast women write you off if you don't ask them out right away. WRONG!! - on the East Coast...you look too eager and it turns a woman off. They prefer guys who don't look like their desperate. With internet dating, there are too many choices. The harder you are to get, the more desirable you become.

[Ubiquitous]

This woman is such a train-wreck! I hear there's going to be some sort of Real Housewives cross-over at some point; I wonder if this is how Whori hooked up with George?

[r]

you are too hard on patty. i think it's a good show. the whole point of her attitude is tough love for rich men who want to know WHY they are still single. she is just being brutally honest by expressing opinions people are paying her for.

[kbbko1o8]

I was shocked when in a recent episode Patty insisted that men liked long straight hair they could run their fingers through and wanted one girl with curly hair to straighten hers and another with short hair to add extensions. RIGHT so guys love to stick their fingers on a head with fake hair all tangled and knotted up by the scalp. i guess when you're a millionaire jerk who has a stripper pole in his living room and sells sex toys, the whole hair extension thing is no big deal.

[Sherry]

Patty knows what she is doing and though it might seem a bit silly, she is building healthy relationships. Sex before marriage isn't the answer. Patty, thank you for all your great advice and have a nice weekend.

[Loca from LA]

I watch the show with my room mates and we laugh and kind of like Patti's obnoxious, loud and super blunt attitude! I think it is a bit refreshing. I stumbled across your page and have never seen your art work before and I must say, "BRILLIANT!".

[Will]

The owner & her construct of the agency is fake.
She says she doesn't allow gold-diggers. -BS. They're all over every episode, no matter what token she throws out to just 1 girl.

Through her agency's Advice + Rules, she has these guys behaving exactly like typical AFC chumps.

The way for them to get girls is to improve the skills they have and to learn new ones. Like Conversation, cocky-funny and being the prize themselves instead of worshipping a girl just because she's cute.

The Criss Angel dude, was over-criticized and over-corrected.

[Lisa Bach]

ROTFLMAO! So many hit the nail on the head...just watched the show for the first time..OMG Please tell me our planet has not come to this pathetic mess....Patty is the most crass unsubstantial individual I have ever had the displeasure of by mistake turning my tube onto...JMO of course...men are by nature visual creatures..we all know this..but give me a break are they so willing to settle for insubstantial women wanting a millionaire..by default? or a strong, educated woman who knows what she wants and who she wants by choice? JMO of course...Grow up men fend for yourself..I have news for you its not that hard!! be who you are, add some kindness to humanity and love the fact that we can all wake up to a brand new day..without paying someone to show you this..and guess what Karma will bring her/it to you..free of charge...:) JMO of course...

[Andrew Cromley]

I love the show because, in case you forgot, TV is supposed to be entertaining, whether it's in a positive sense or a negative one. The fact that all of you got a rise out of it means the TV show is doing it's job. And she can't help her looks, as if any of you were better off when viewed naked by the masses. On the other side of the coin, if any of you would check out her web site, you'd find the TV show was a fake, for entertainment purposes only. And her disclaimer on her web site says way too many negatives for anyone in their right mind to want to join. It is also why I have created my company, The Millionaire Dating Club .com, also known a sThe Girl Next Door Dating Club .com Please check it out and let's hope for a better company with total respect for all human beings. Peace, love and frogs.

[Brenda]

Why isn't Patti married? Plus she looks like crap, but judges everyone. I'd like to see the couples that got married. It has never showed any on the show and she says she has a 90% success rate. LET"S SEE IT!!!

[Dio Mat]

Many dating sites dont care about dating,friendship, romance etc... They only care about making money from PPC programs by generating traffic to their web pages. http://www.diomatch.com

[Mel]

this lady annoys me! She hates on women whom have curly hair... but she is as ugly as sin!

[escort in new york city]

actually her advice is mostly right on. many times she prescribes a long-time-needed makeover, which always helps.

[Janet Spurr]

Patty, please open a Match Maker place on the East Coast. We need you here.

[stacked]

i love that show and I'm a guy. The Eye Candy with all the hotties is enough reason to watch, plus I'm interested in what these girls do for a living. However, Patti is lying about the success rate; I've watched about 12 shows and 24 couples with ZERO success rate. Nobody dates more than twice. She is a good judge of character.

[escort münchen]

i love this! great!!

[Saver]

I like the show. Fairly slimy, but entertaining.

[edmunds]

GREAT PROGRAM!

[miranda]

SHE FUNNY! I LIKE HER SINCERETY!I ALWAYS LAUGH LIKE CRAZY! LIFE IS SIMPLE AND SHE UNDERSTAND THAT VERY WELL!
VERY FEW PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT!
I LIKE ALL HER FRIENDS!THEY ALL WORK GREAT TOGETHER!
MIRANDA