I'm late to the keg party that is Bret Michael's Rock of Love. I never saw any of last year's episodes. As enticing as the prospect of following a bloated ex-hair bander's quest for love, I just couldn't do it. My friend Audra highly suggested that I give this season a try. And so I did. I Tivo'd Sunday's premier episode and had a look at it last night. My BF, my BFF and I were all cringing, laughing, vomiting, and having a grand old time watching as a herd of 20 skanks was trotted in front of Mr Michaels. There were maybe one or two of them who weren't full blown skanks (yet) but the rest were.... were.... veterans of skankiness. They are majored in skankiness in college high school beauty school.
Here is Bret Michael. I know I heard him say at some point in the show that he's 40. The sound certainly must have gone out or there was a glitch in the sound editing as I'm sure he went on to say he's 47 or 48. If he really is 40 then that should serve as PSA about what too much alcohol and over exposure to skanks can yield. I do like that Bret wears eyeliner.
There were 20 skanks for Bret to pick from which is too many to draw. So I'm starting with just three of them.
This is Ambre and if I were told that she was born in 1953, I'd believe it. I imagine Ambre has at least 12 restraining orders taken out against her by former boyfriends, neighbors, coworkers and baristas.
This is Daisy the "sex kitten" as Bret called her. Daisy has two stars tattooed on the front of her neck which is always a good look. I'm going out on a limb here, but I feel certain that Daisy isn't very concerned with politics.
This is Aubrey and if you told me she was born Andrew, I'd believe it. Aubrey had the den mother-ish advice for her fellow contestants when she told them, "You better step it up bitches." I'm curious if anyone else confused Audrey with that french he-she Albine?
So there you have it. I haven't decided if I'll draw this show every week but I sure had fun watching. It's guilty TV watching at its worst.
Ink on paper, red wine, and some eye bleach. Each drawing took about twenty minutes.
Love the picture of him... ugh, he is just the yuckiest! And what do you even say about these 'girls' who degrade themselves on these types of shows? At least it gives me somthing to laugh at!
Posted by: Mikaela | January 15, 2008 at 04:01 PM
I took one look at Bret's package on the front of that website you linked to and said NO. *shudders*
Speaking of skanks, I herd (tee hee) there was a whole transport truck of them dropped off here in the city when Tommy Lee showed up to do a DJ gig in our blue collar town. Now, Tommy Lee, I wouldn't mind picking up a bug or two from...
Posted by: midevil | January 15, 2008 at 04:04 PM
...you MUST draw it every week!
Posted by: midevil | January 15, 2008 at 04:06 PM
Ah, eyebleach. Sounds festive!
Seriously: when I read your blog I actually contemplate getting cable TV. And then the mind candy wears off and I forget about it for a few days, only to start the whole vicious cycle of addiction all over again.
Sigh. I wish I could quit you or your tawdry Tivo ways Gilmore, but your inky goodness always pulls me back into your orbit.
Dr. Ding
Note to self: do NOT get that neck tattoo of two stars. Or drink eyebleach.
Posted by: Dr. Ding | January 15, 2008 at 04:15 PM
I clicked the link to see the pics of these [alleged] ladies on the vh1 site, and boy oh boy, you must have had your pic of which train-wrecks to draw!
There's one of "Jessica" - a real prize in an off white clinging dress, clutching the material around her crotch grinning crazily into the camera. *shudder*
If I were male and I saw this bitch coming at me, me peens would crawl up inside, I'm fairly sure.
Posted by: k | January 15, 2008 at 04:47 PM
I was so bummed that the housewives will be over. No Wednesday laughs for me.
I love the fact that you are watching Rock Of Love. I watched last year and got sucked in. I watched the new season last night also.
What a bunch of skanks! I can not believe that he likes that sort of woman, he is so gross.
Thanks for the great entertainment!
Posted by: Kim | January 15, 2008 at 05:37 PM
I'm so glad you decided to join us on the evil side and watch this second edition train wreck. Hate to be the bearer of bad news but season 1 was infinitely more interesting and the womenfolk slightly less freaky and more comic book character like. Bert (what we call Bret at TwoP) has been plastic surgery freshened since season 1 too. He got a new My Little Pony hair bandanna Wigzilla for the new show too! Now you just have to fall for the even bigger VH1 trainwreck show "Celebrity Rehab" Jeff Conaway is the scariest thing on tv, much worse than Bert or his bimbos.
Posted by: Calulu | January 15, 2008 at 05:42 PM
Peeing over the 2 stars tattooed is always a good look comment! You nailed them as usual & Yes, I had Aubrey & Albine confused. You must be itching to draw Albine ... WAIT ... who was that straight up 80's Jersey Shore Aqua Net big honkin curled bangs separated from the rest of the teased hair girls name? Christine? You-Must-Go-There!
Posted by: HoneyB | January 15, 2008 at 07:39 PM
Pff.... Screw 'Rock of Love'
Bring on Season 2 of "A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila" and bring back that hot bitch Dani!!
Id much rather see hot dykes battle it out with hot jocks than crusty old "Band-Aid" groupies dried out from the 80's.
Ps. Bret Michels is still hella f*ckable!
Posted by: Ashley | January 16, 2008 at 07:01 AM
I can't wait for Flavor of Love 3... cause you know the hoes on this show will be nothing compared to the hoes on FOL3.
Posted by: Maira | January 16, 2008 at 02:43 PM
The level of skank on this show simply exceeds any level of skank ever established. Although I DID like the girl who won last year - she came to her senses, God bless her young little heart.
Posted by: Michelle | January 16, 2008 at 03:31 PM
great as usual!
Posted by: sabina alam | January 17, 2008 at 01:05 PM
Please keep drawing, I love your houswifes stuff and this is yet another one of my ridiculous guilty pleasures as well. Your friend can tell you there were some great moments last season that would have made for some killer drawings like Brandi's face whenever she threw up or was about to. Bret is still f*ckable but only from a distance.
Posted by: Margo | January 17, 2008 at 04:47 PM
yes! thankyouthankyouthankyou! thankyou for drawing Ambre, thankyou for drawing "crack rock of love"! ahh, i am now fufilled :D (more more!)
Posted by: Lea | January 18, 2008 at 11:31 AM
Oh my God -- you totally captured Bret and the "ladies." Bret is actally 44 -- born in March of 1963. He's had alot of (bad) work done. Wait until you see this -- some of the "ladies" from Season One are coming back to a few of the Season Two episodes to help Bret pick his ummm...true love. Would love to see you draw some of the Season One chicks like Rodeo (the loudmouth faux cowgirl/bodybuilder), Lacey (the show villain, PETA freak, attention whore), Jes (the winner/"nice girl"), and Heather (the overly processed bleached blonde stripper with the Cheeto orange tan).
Posted by: Gail | January 20, 2008 at 06:49 AM
Wow on the first episode of rock of love 2 i cant belive that u kept some of those girls i hope catherine gets picked
Posted by: Kati | January 24, 2008 at 06:00 PM