Pretty On The Outside

Art links........

Are you watching Nurse Jackie on Showtime?  I just started and I think I may be hooked.  Edie Falco the actress can do no wrong, but her character Jackie is full of contradictions: a nurse with a drug addiction and a loving wife who is having an affair with the hospital's pharmacist (to get those drugs). Her halo and her horns seem to be in a constant tug o' war.  Good stuff!
I was just checking Brooklyn-based illustrator Shane Harrison's blog, whose work I'm a big of, and saw the following Nurse Jackie photo-illustration she did for New York Magazine.

Gorgeous and so spot-on especially if you're familiar with the show.

Being in an art state of mind, I then clicked over to Drawn and saw this image which looks like a print of an old photo.....

.... but it's all done by hand.  So crazy cool!  Click here for a closeup on Drawn.

Gossip is good, but art is better.   

Lovely Links..........

Times are tough--- the Beckhams are back to stripping.  Oh La La Mag

I haven't seen electrical tape covered nipples since I went to Seattle's Gay Pride Parade about 9 years ago.  Thanks Lady GaGa for the refresher!  La Rag Mag

Did anyone happen to see Swept Away, the Madonna version?  Sadly, I did.  The co-star Adriano Giannini is running about au naturel in this link.  Nudity warning NSFW!  Omg Blog

Awkward celebrity boners.  City Rag

I had a little extra fun with that Becks image............ 

Kelly Bensimon in W Magazine

W Magazine online just did a great interview with Kelly the recently added and slightly addled Real Housewife of New York City.  And and and they included one of my illustrations of her.  Color me flattered!  To quote my freshly tattooed muse Vicki Gunvalson, "Woo Hoo!"   In that interview Kelly discusses: being a hoop queen, her "Pocahontas goes to the Disco" jewelry collection, the owl necklace controversy, and the catty factor on the show (which she mistakenly calls chatty).  Just for giggles--- count how many times she says like.  Be sure and watch out for the editor's notes... they are like the best.

Click here to read the interview.

Thanks W Magazine! 

The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Ah ha ha ha ha ha.....

..... Ah ha ha ha ha ha.... AH ha ha ha!  And I'm done.  Take your laptop into an empty closet, single occupancy bathroom, your bedroom, or anywhere that's private and watch the following spoof by KCSCougar.  And enjoy.  The language is definitely on the NSFW side so only play this in an environment where the "F" and "C" words are celebrated.  In my home, that's every room. 

My 10 year old nephew and his mannequin Martinique. Where have they been?

It has certainly been a long, long time since I've done a proper posting about my nephew and his mannequin muse Martinique, or Martini as she's nicknamed.  Please click on that link if you've just stumbled across my blog and you'll get all caught up.  My nephew's creativity is full to over flowing and for the longest time- dressing up his mannequin was his focus.  Over the last few months, however, his interests have been elsewhere.  I do hear from him that Martinique who just happens to live in his closet- it's like her own studio apartment- is well and I'll be receiving photos of her soon.  So I wait.  But it's hard to imagine that such a fashion-forward and highly sought after mannequin would just be hanging out in a closet until my nephew has a burst of inspiration.  Could Martini be out and about?

Sitings of Martinique having been trickling in from around the globe, but..... how could that be?  Could a neglected Martini be sneaking out when my nephew isn't looking?  Hmmmmmm???  My reader Greg sent me this link from Perez Hilton yesterday where it clearly looks like Martinique is with the late Michael Jackson and his kids. 

 

Gasp! Could that be her?  It certainly looks like her.  Martinique is clearly the queen of reinvention and is no stranger to the glamorous life so I'm going to guess yes, yes that's her.  I do have some serious concerns about that top she's wearing and please don't get me started on those necklaces. 

True Blood. I've been glamoured. Have you?

Show of hands...... how many of you are in love with True Blood on HBO?  My hand is happily raised. It's soft core porn meets soap opera meets B horror film- which has mixed perfectly to yield addictive television.  There's an endless stream of undressed hotness, plenty of laughs, lots of gay undertones (it's been said repeatedly that the vampires have "come out of their coffins"), and camp galore.  I remember watching the very first episode and wondering what the hell was that?  I think it was about halfway through the third show when I realized this was the best thing on TV and that I'd forever be a fan.  That's just my humble opinion. Alan Ball, of Six Feet Under fame, created this show so how could it be anything other than good?  Alan is going on my Christmas card list this year.  We are already on the third episode of the second season so I'll assume that if you're still reading this posting, that you must be a viewer.  Just in case you've never seen it--- I'll say briefly that it takes place in present time in a small Louisiana town called Bon Temps which curiously translates to good times.  Thanks high school french classes!  There's a synthetic blood drink called True Blood which allows vampires to opt out of feeding on humans.  Not all vampires are on board with this though and therein is part of the tension.  Besides vampires, Bon Temps seemingly is a magnet for all sorts of paranormal creatures.  Some of those creatures come in peace: Sam Merlotte the owner of Merlotte's restaurant and bar can turn into a dog at will, and others we aren't so sure about: Maryann who sends people into a sexual trance when she dances complete with their eyeballs turning entirely black.  She also does a crazy pulsating movement which looks like my TV has taken acid.  I think she's Dionysus, the greek goddess of ecstasy and ritual madness.  Sounds about right.  This certainly isn't the typical type of program for me to recap--- usually I chronicle the missteps of new money lunatics on Bravo.  Speaking of, the New Jersey Housewives just finished and there's no sign of a Real Housewives of _____, so I will give True Blood a try.  This is just a test.  Testing, testing...........

 

That's Sookie Stackhouse one of the main characters and she often has that pissed off- I know you're a vampire but I'm not gonna take any sh*t from you- look on her face.  The episode began with Sookie, her 173 year vampire boyfriend Bill, and Jessica the high school student Bill "made" wildly driving home.  Oh Bill was pissed as Sookie had taken Jessica to see her family who had assumed she was dead.  This posting will take forever if I recap everything so let me skip over that family incident for now.  Bill was in an icy blooded rage as he screamed at Sookie, which was totally hot by the way, and Jessica sat in the backseat crying blood.... a lot like a Andy Cohen hosted reunion show, right?  Sookie, wearing impossibly short plaid shorts, a tank top, and a denim jacket, threw a fit and demanded to be let out the car 20 miles from home.  She was all, "I'd rather walk home than spend one more minute in that car with you Bill!"  Snap!  

Friday Finds......

Ryan Kwanten a.k.a. Jason Stackhouse from True Blood says the world is his gym an it's clearly working for him.  Kenneth In The 212

Wanna take a ride on Bruno's disco tank?  Oh La La Mag

Michael Jackson's doctor is missing?  La Rag Mag

Have A Nice Day panties.  :)  Photobomb

Madonna's new Louis Vuitton ad.  Your thoughts....  Dlisted

Teresa Giudice and her new bubbies interviewed.  Newsweek

Thanks Maggie for sending me the photobomb site!

The Real Housewives of New Jersey. The Reunion Show. Part Two.

My significant other hadn't seen Tuesday's first half of the two-part reunion shows, so I sat through two hours of New Jersey housewives yelling at each other last night.  Somebody slap me please, and then refill my wine glass.  If I'd forgotten just how thoroughly dense Teresa was- I was quickly reminded.  I want to touch again on Teresa's worse half Joe who did in fact direct his "he's so gay" comment towards that cute dance instructor.  Teresa tried to brush it off by saying it's just a figure of speech and that Joe was talking about his dance moves.  And then he called one of other guy's "Gaylord."  Joe said it, he meant it, but it wasn't surprising.  I'll move on.

Danielle claims the only plastic surgery she's had was on her breasts.  According to "the book" she had a brow-lift as well which clearly is true.  I find Danielle to be infinity entertaining but I think the truth, half truths, greatly stretching the truth, and maybe even some lies get all mashed together in her head.  On last night's show, she continued to be fidgety and on edge yet was able to perfectly deflect all the rage Caroline was directing her way.  The short and scrappy Caroline really reminded me of Joe Pesci with a red rinse.  Her tilted-head, squinty-eyed, you talkin' to me, you talkin' to me- demeanor seemed comical.  And the way she punctuated every sentence with a head role, finger point, side glance, and an "OK?!" as in you understand me or do we have to take this outside was more amusing than menacing. 

The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Reunion show....

.... part one.  I had two big glasses of wine tonight before starting this posting so please forgive my spelling.  Here goes........  For some reason, the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion show was held in an undisclosed warehouse by the railroad tracks on the river.  It kind of had the feel like the women should be in silhouette with their voices run through some sort of machine to disguise their identities.  And like they all should be smoking, even the pregnant ones: Jackie and Teresa.  I think they ought to have held the reunion in that hair salon they all go to, but that's just me.  Oh but disguises weren't needed as we've gotten to know (sort of) these women in this impossibly short season. Perhaps it was the awkwardly decorated set (please, please let the Hollywood regency look die already), or maybe there was the sound of bullets flying outside by the train tracks, or could it be that Jackie's water had broken and no one was saying anything--- but it seemed like there was a lot of tension in that warehouse.  The women fidgeted, looked at their shoes, and appeared on edge. Danielle for one looked like she was on a horse tranquilizer-drip.  She also appeared rather frail and surprisingly, kind of nervous.  I thought she'd have been a bit ballsier during their reunion.  Maybe during Thursday's part two she'll step it up?  Come on Danielle, it's time to channel your former stripper identity.  Please bring out Beverly for part two!
My other favorite, Teresa, Teresa, Teresa....

Good stuff.......

I have a few friends who love to regularly send out informative emails to everyone in their address book.  One friend is always sending political items, another is forever sending something food/ health related, and another relentlessly sends those- after you read this, forward it to five friends and you'll have good luck- messages.  That last friend's emails get deleted as soon as I see her name.  However when my funny friend, who goes by the alias Twatty McSnatch, sends me a photo, website link, or some type of Can You Spot The Tranny or Are You A Slut- type of game, I know I'm in for a good time. 
As I was rotting in the most hellacious traffic yesterday afternoon, an email with a web link arrived from her just in time to save my commute.  I'm not endorsing emailing or texting while driving at all. No. There was a terrible accident on the freeway and it took 90 minutes to go two miles.  So when I wasn't moving I was reading snippets from this hilarious site.  Texts From Last Night is an unending shrine to often regrettable texts meant to be shared between friends.  All we see is the area code of the sender and that of the receiver should that person respond.  Texts such as:

(913): My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.

and

(617): Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?

and

(216): let's bang
(773): You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.

and

(503): I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.

and

(856): I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.

..... all made those 90 of traffic manageable.  Have a look for yourself at Texts From Last Night, just please not while driving.  :)

Thanks Twatty!

The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Pay attention puh-lease!

I've got a fever for the Real Housewives franchise......

 

.....and there ain't no cure.

Lovely Links

The scorching hot Chris Evans (on the right) has a rather handsome brother who just happens to be gay.  Read the interview with Scott Evans here.  After Elton

Here's a reminder of just how caliente Chris Evans is.  David Dust

Need to cool down after seeing those photos?  How's about visiting The Big Gay Ice Cream Truck?  The Rural Modernist

Dustin Lance and his sex tape drama.  Oh La La Mag

Bruce Willis and the Mrs go porno-chic or porno-sad for W Magazine?  La Rag Mag

Bubbies or bunz?  Your call.  City Rag

Vicki Gunvalson just got a tattoo. I just got a tattoo of Vicki Gunvalson.

My email began blowing up a few hours ago.  Why?  Well it seems my reality TV muse Vicki Gunvalson--- the insurance selling, perpetually overworking, whoo-hoo screaming, founding mama dog of the The Real Housewives of Orange County got a tattoo on her ass.  Yes, her ass.  Seems like a reasonable thing for a dignified 47 year old Orange County Housewife to do.  She's such a control freak though, I'm just surprised she's not doing the tattoo herself.  Here's the photo from Radar OnlIne.  Please click on that link to see some more photos of Vicki.  You're welcome in advance. 

That gorgeous picture above poses many questions.... First, why is she getting a tattoo in a bar?  Is that even legal?  What is she getting tattooed on her ass?  Why her ass?  What kind of underwear is she wearing?  What does her husband Don think of this?  Are there Bravo cameras filming this?  Too many questions.  Seeing Vicki bent over that bar in such a ladylike manner did rekindle my love for her.  My sweet precious precocious Vicki.  She gives us so much..... so much inspiration.  

LA Gay Pride 2009

This past weekend was LA's Gay Pride festival with the parade taking place yesterday.  My bf, my bfff (best female friend forever), her hubbie and their kids, plus a couple family friends, and I all went to take in the merriment.  As always, the parade began with the dykes of bikes.

Sadly, I have to say that I was a little disappointed with the dykes on bikes yesterday.  Years ago a saw NYC's parade and there was an endless sea of the ladies on bikes. Loved hearing the roar of the engines and the crowd going completely wild as dozens and dozens and dozens bikes went zipping down the street.  Unfortunately at yesterday's parade, there only seemed like a handful of the lovely ladies.  More dykes on bikes next year please.  Then there was about a ten minute gap before the first float came along.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey. The calm before the storm.

I sent my laptop off to get breast implants earlier this week, I mean to get more memory.  After a consultation, it was determined that my laptop would go from a 34A to a full C, I mean it would get 2 gb of memory when all was said and done.  Sure I'm an ass man, but having that much memory is pure bliss.  If you didn't see this week's The Real Housewives of New Jersey or read my last posting, well, that intro probably doesn't make much sense.  Maybe it doesn't make sense even having seen and read the show and that entry?  Forget about it!
I wish we could just skip ahead to next week's finale episode.  It is the finale next week, right?  Sure I had a lot of wine while watching but I do believe that it's all over this Tuesday.  Last night was definitely the calm before next week's storm as it looks like all hell breaks loose at that dinner party.  I think Teresa bursts one of her new boobies or bubbies as she says after she overturns that table and I do believe Caroline might take a baseball bat to Danielle.  We'll see......
So...... Teresa got bubbies.  She went from a 34A to a full C and we saw basically the entire process from conversations about wanting bubbies, to her trying on swimsuits which she and the other ladies agreed that bubbies were needed to fill out the tops, to her consultation, to the procedure, and then to the recovery.  My boobs are sore from thinking about that whole thing.  Here's Teresa talking about her latest purchase.  Kind of fitting that her necklace looked like a cluster of bubbies.

A short message from me.

Yes, yes, yes...... that is finally a new photo of my 10 year old nephew's mannequin Martinique.  It's one of two new photos which arrived over the weekend.  Her Flashdance inspired look is just perfect for my Back in a flash message.  My four year old laptop is moving at a snail's pace due to it's low, low, low amount of memory.  Anytime I try and photoshop something recently I get an alert saying add more memory.  So today is the day to take my little mechanical babe to the laptop doctor.  Or as I like to think of it, my laptop is going away for a spa vacation and will be returning to me wednesday nice and refreshed and ready to help me deconstruct those crazy Jersey housewives.  Until Wednesday....... hope you all will have a great couple of days.  I will also be doing a proper Martinique posting when I return.  Bye for now!

Elementary School Mural

My friend Christine works at the Janie P. Abbott Elementary School in Lynwood, CA and she asked if I'd be interested in donating my time by painting a mural for them.  The answer was of course.  I went there, met part of the faculty, was shown the area where they'd like the mural to be painted, and I asked them what were some important elements that they'd like to see represented in the painting.  Creativity, harmony between the students, an imaginative space, very bright colors (as it's an elementary school), and a road runner which is the school's mascot were notes I scribbled in sketchbook as they spoke. 

The mural zone is pictured above.  It's the exit doors leading out to the playground which you immediately see upon entering the school.  I made them four separate concept images and they chose one.  Actually they wanted a combination of two of the drawings.  So off I went.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Short and shkeevy.

The title of this describes Teresa's husband and this posting in general.

Gods of Football: The Making of the 2009 Calender.

It's not my birthday.  It's not Christmas or Valentine's Day either yet I just received the most stunning gift.  Opening my email, I was greeted with images from the 2009 Gods of Football Campaign. 

Mon dieu!  After a minor seizure and a slew of filthy scenarios played out in my head, I composed myself long enough to compose this posting.  If you have a problem with perfectly-formed naked men then read no further.  And perhaps see a doctor.  If you're like me and you live for that kind of thing then please follow the link.  You're welcome in advance.

Danielle Staub's new mugshot?

Riddle me this..... Why would a former coked-up stripper who was once involved in kidnapping and extortion go on a reality TV show where she actively presents herself as a horny, desperate and divorced MILF on a quest for someone to take financial care of her and her two children?  Could it be that she's an attention starved lunatic?  It was clear from the first time we saw Danielle on The Real Housewives of New Jersey that Bravo had outdone themselves.  I hope whoever works in the casting department for Bravo got a fat raise for finding such a fully developed loose canyon.  
So there's a book called "Cop Without A Badge" which chronicles the exploits of Danielle who, apparently back in her coke filled days, went by the name Beverly Merrill.  You can almost hear the sleazy dj's voice coming through the speaker system at whatever divey New Jersey lap dance/ titty bar she worked at...... Next on stage, we have Beverly.  This is a classy one guys so make sure you tip her with more than just quarters. 
I personally don't have a problem with her colorful past.  We've all done shit that we're not proud of.  Ok, Ok.... the kidnapping part is definitely beyond.  I, for one though, can forgive her for her past mistakes.  Coke is an evil mistress.  But my bigger issue is the kind of guys she's presently involved with on the show.  First we have her two year phone-sex relationship with a guy she only knew as "Gucci Model".  Then she, currently 45, moved unto a 26 year old guy who is cheesier, greasier, chunkier, and balder than the law should allow at that age.  So for her horrible dating selections and for that fact that she's proudly flaunting these terrible choices at us via Bravo--- I am making a citizen's arrest.  I charge her with bad taste in men and I'm booking her for exposing her children and the viewing audience to her unforgivable and unacceptable choices.  Here's her new mugshot.