Pretty On The Outside

Marlo Hampton and her painted face.

Last night at around 7pm I wrote up a recap posting of this past Sunday's ATL housewives.  It was full of snide remakes about Bravo dredging the bottom of the barrel to find new cast member Marlo.  She's pretty bad.  A "socialite" who has been arrested seven times and uses designers objects to derive her self-worth.  Actually that might sound like an interesting character if you've never seen the show but if you are watching, then you know otherwise.  She's loud and thoughtless and she'll scream 'faggot' if she's in an argument which is perfect for a show on Bravo.  This franchise is home to many batshit crazy people but, to me, she's not watchable.  She makes me mad.  In that posting I started last night, I also went into great detail about how horribly most of these women are behaving on their South African trip.  A trip which most people would relish and learn from but not the majority of these dames.  Lots of complaints and a lack of interest in experiencing the local culture and Marlo brought 29 pairs of designer shoes and a slew of handbags.  Why?  Because she insists we know that she has these things.  And in case you forget she has them, she'll bark about it endlessly.  Bleh!  So after I finished that posting I hit publish and typically a few seconds later and it appears on my blog.  But not last night. I hit publish and then an odd swirling icon which I've never seen before appeared on my screen.  Huh?  I was able to get on other sites so it wasn't an internet thing.  I left my laptop open until about 11pm and it was still stuck in that mode so I just had to shut it off and all I'd written was lost.  Oh well..... it's probably Karma for all the awful yet I feel accurate detailing I went into about Marlo.  Maybe it's best that posting is gone because I do not want to be the reason for mugshot number 8.  :)

What I drew from the episode was when the ladies went to a dinner party and their faces were detailed with some beautiful painted dot patterns.  There was no significance to the designs, they were just ornamentation.  

Were those painted dots to be emblematic of each woman's character, then Marlo would certainly have had this painted on her face.

I did that image from start to finish in about twenty minutes so if she looks like a dude then all the better.

Ink on sketchbook paper with digital dots.  :)

Big Ang as Marilyn Monroe

A number of you lovely readers out there sent me the link to reality TV's newest and most injected star- Big Ang and her spread in Next Magazine spread where she's channelling blonde bombshell Marilyn Monroe. Goodness gracious sakes alive!  Please follow that link and you'll see a dizzying array of photos that invite more questions than I could possibly answer.  Trust me, go there and see for yourselves.  As I scrolled through the images, this one especially jumped out and so I had to draw it.  

:)

Thanks to everyone who sent me this luscious link!

While you're clicking around, please check my fb page too.

Drawing of Big Ang completed with ink on hot-pressed watercolor paper with red digital lips.

Rick Santorum and his sweater vests.

There are many things I'd like to change about Republican Presidential candidate Rick Santorum.  To name just a few: his stance on gay marriage, his stance on the environment, his stance on birth control......  Alas it's highly doubtfully his views on those topics will ever waiver.  On a much, much, much lighter note, I decided to change up his sweater vest options..... at least in a paper doll format. 

Click on any and all of these to see larger.

You may be asking yourself who the heck wears a sweater vest? and that let me tell you this Rick Santorum loves that item of clothing almost as much as he dislikes the notion of two people of the same sex getting married.  Let's take a closer look.

Watch Rick dazzle in leopard print--- it really brings out his raw animal appeal.  See him show his support (?) for gay people.  And of course.... there's that google problem.

Rick shows his love for Michelle Bachmann now that she's bowed outta the race.  He wows (?) in this Golden Girls-inspired mid-thigh sweater vest--- belted of course.  And celebrate his naughty side with a leather peek-a-boo item.  You know he's gotta be a closet freak.

A nod to: Peanuts, Lady GaGa, and couch fabric.

Want to dress Rick up yourself?  Well these are for sale and you can click here to purchase a set of your very own.

And because everyone loves a fashion show.... I'd like to present the entire collection.  Enjoy!

If you like what you see here, you can like me here too.

Thanks!

 

 

R.I.P. Whitney Houston

I've been listening to Whitney songs all day..... remembering so many happy experiences I've attached to her music.  One of those being---- I was living in Seattle when "I Will Always Love You" came out.  A very well known drag queen lived in the apartment next door and he would play that song over and over and over and over.  Actually, he'd play the song all the way through, rewind to the earth-shattering orgasmic-crescendo of the "AND IIIIIIII----EEE----IIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUOOOOOUUUUU ooo ohh", play it to the end of the song, and then start the whole process over.  He was clearly rehearsing for a performance.  That's one happy thought.  Another one---- I was living in NYC when "My Love Is Your Love" came out and I'd purchased that single on Canal street from one of those cart street vendors (bad, I know) and I'd play that song out.  My neighbors probably thought I was practicing for a performance as well with its heavy rotation.  If I was having a bad day, that song would usually pop me right out of it.  She was so beautiful and clear in that video and that's how I chose to depict her.  And she's sporting some seriously magical hair too.  Enjoy.........

My illustration of Whitney was completed with ink and pen on paper and digital color.

Rest in peace Whitney.  

Alexis Bellino is Katie Keurig.

There have been many battles waged over the years: David vs Goliath, the North vs the South, Coke vs Pepsi, Madonna vs GaGa, and of course, Tamra vs Gretchen.  Sigh.  Yes the bottle-blonds of Orange County are back at it.  In the interest of trying to be interesting Tamra and Gretchen are attempting something different--- being friendly to each other, and I predict this will last three episodes.  Anyone agree?  Before I dive deep into the peroxide pool I want to share my illustration of quite possibly the emptiest housewife out of all the franchises- Alexis Bellino.

The Maloof Hoof

Last night was the first of a three part reunion spectacle in which the Beverly Hills housewives gathered to passive aggressively face this season's issues.  A number of topics were brought up but the one that seemed far and away the height of bullshit was Lisa Vanderpump's innocent nickname for Adrienne Maloof's new shoe line.  That Maloof woman seems to be richer than sin and fairly level headed so I wondered what she was doing on this show.  Now I suppose we understand.  It's so she can introduce a bullshit line of shoes.  Shoes which, if you google them, are either complete Louboutin rip-offs or some kind of terrible Payless version of drag queens giving career-girl realness.  So Lisa in one of those cutaway interview scenes referred to her shoe line as "The Maloof Hoof" which I think is pretty funny.  But Adrienne certainly didn't.  It's as though Lisa said Adrienne's children looked inbred.  Lisa replied that that term was meant to be cute as though to say they were "fat little shoes."  You could probably call that Maloof woman the c word and she wouldn't blink, but say "fat" and them's fightin words!  

Fat?  Fat!  Fat?!  FAT!!!!!!!  Adrienne's head nearly exploded at that slanderous comment.  Then Lisa attempted reasoning with Adrienne and tried pretending she liked her terrible shoes by saying she did want to purchase a pair in pink.

Pink?  Pink!  Pink?!  Pink!!!!!  According to Adrienne they were nude, not pink.  It's as though Lisa had told her to fuck off on national television.  HA!  So in honor of Lisa Vanderpump, I give you The Maloof Hoof and yes, it's pink...... not nude. 

Not sure if I have the stomach to weigh in on the other reunion shows as I'm saving all my love for those sun-damaged OC gals.  Oh Vicki...... how I've missed drawing you.

:)

The Maloof Hoof is drawn with pen on paper and colored in photoshop.  

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Oh Big Ang....... I'm officially obsessed!

Thank you VH1 for bringing us this ravishing vision.  I'm powerless to resist.

If you'd like to purchase a print of my original drawing, you can do so here.  Thanks!

And while you're clicking on links, have a click onto my fb page. 

Big Ang is the GodMother!

It's official!  I'm hooked on Big Ang.  I can't help it......  She's everything I've ever wanted from a reality TV character: a bigger than life persona, a distinctively alluring look, a commanding voice and presence, and she's typically accessorized in feathers either in her hair or on her earrings and/ or sporting some type of leopard printed ensemble.  She's a wild and untamed animal this Big Ang and I'm pleased to make her acquaintance.

Drawing completed with ink on paper.  If you're so inclined, have a look at my fb page as I typically posted work there first.

If you'd like to purchase a print of my artwork, you can do so here.  Thanks!

Big Ang tattoo!!!!!!!!!

I'm not sure if I'm honored or horrified but some tattooed my illustration of Mob Wives Big Ang on their body. It's even on her twitter page. HA!!!!! The hilarious site Starcasm gave me the heads up. http://starcasm.net/archives/139809  I'm not on twitter so if one of you lovely readers wants to tweet her that I'm the one who created the illustration, I'd be forever grateful.  Also, please tell her I'm in love! By the way, feel free to take a trip to my fb page.  Thanks! If you'd like to purchase a print of my drawing, you can do so here.

 

Big Ang!

Please savor my pen sketch of reality TV goddess Big Ang from Mob Wives.  I'm working on a big project at the moment so I won't be able to post any new artwork for a few days.  Hope Big Ang for tide you over til I'm back.

xo

Big Ang from Mob Wives. Part two.

I watched my first full episode of Mob Wives a couple nights ago. I'd mentioned in a previous posting that I've been under the weather since mid last week and as I lay on the couch in a dayquil haze, I got a taste of what all the Staten Island fuss is about.  Gotta say I was equally appalled and enthralled.  Been watching those Real Housewives for a long time so I'm used to combative, catty attention-starved lunatics on TV.  The housewives collectively are pretty freakin vanilla compared to the episode I saw of Mob Wives.  Let me get right to it in case you were like me and had never seen this show.  These women fist fought each other.  Yes, fist fought!  Sure the Real Housewives collectively yell, threaten, and get in each others faces but that seems to be breakfast type behaviour for the Mob Wives.  Again, this was my first episode so maybe it's not always this high octane but let me tell you what I saw.

Remember this was in my dayquil-saturated perspective.  The apparent matriarch of the show is called Renee.  I assume she's the kingpin or queenpin because the other ladies seemed to fear/ respect her.  Also got to mention I've never heard so much cursing that's being bleeped out.  Renee, who looks like Jackie Stallone and a pitbull have a torrid affair, was having a birthday party at what could be a two story Costco.  Two of the other mob wives were out on the second floor balcony of the Costco arguing about----- I don't know----- someone heard that someone was talking shit about one of them behind their back but no one would own up to what they'd said.  Then clips of them saying the shit they denied saying would be edited into the show.  Voice raised, fingers pointed, veins popped out of foreheads and then another mob wife came out onto the balcony and before you knew it, punches were being thrown, hair was being pulled and like ten neckless security guys struggled to pull these women apart.  You bleeping bleep I'm gonna bleeping bleep you in your bleeping bleep!!!  Bleep you!!!!!!  The women and security were a mosh of crazy.  

Renee was running across the Costco screaming about how dare those bleeping bitches bleep up her bleeping party.  The  women eventually got yanked apart but one of them got punched in the face by maybe a guy and even more hell broke loose.  Hard to say exactly happened next because there were crazy camera angles of the various women running and screaming and threatening to bleeping kill the bleeping bitch.  And through it all, the elegant and dignified Big Ang drawn above didn't get involved.  No, in her lady-like manner she steered clear of the drama, sipped her cocktail, and scanned the room for an available wise guy.  I love you Big Ang.  You're my reality TV saviour.  

Not sure if I hate or love this show but chances are I'll give it another look.  As for My Ang, my Big Ang..... I'll always be watching you.

Drawing completed with ink on paper and digital color.

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Ken and Kim on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills are a psa on not doing drugs.

Ok, this is posting number two today and I'm fading fast.  Like really, really fast.  As I sit on a mountain of Kleenex and Cold-Eeze lozenge wrappers with an ice pack on my head, I'm about to give in and take some more dayquil.  I'm trying to stick to the recommended amount for fear of acting, appearing, behaving like Kim Richards and that yuck glob of a boyfriend.  What in the f*#k is wrong with those two?  What are they on?  I'm sick as a dog but if there was a Bravo camera rolling in front of me, I'm pretty sure I could pull it together long enough to fake my way through a scene.  My apologies but that's about all I have to give right now.........  Off to medicate and sleep.

Illustration of Ken and Kim completed with pen, ink, and marker on paper with a pinch of digital color. 

Cowgirl Kandi Burruss is a little bit country........

Oh hey there!  I'm going to attempt two ultra-quickie postings today.  Like ultra, ultra quick.  I did the above drawing of my favorite housewife Kandi about five days ago, posted it on my fb page, and then began prepping for a free-lance project. It was on my "to do" list to get this posted but sadly I got sick mid-week.  Wah wah!!!!  Today I'm almost feeling human again so thought I'd best get this up.  The above drawing of the adorable Kandi celebrates her foray into the country music arena.  Miss Burruss is writing for country singer Jo Dee Messina and I predict good things.  In my estimation, she's the only "real" person on that show meaning she's not pretending to be something she's not.  Go cowgirl Kandi!  So what else happened on last week's show?

Hmmmmm.... if memory serves:

Phaedra's trying to put the fun back in funerals (sorry, I'm still sick) and she's gonna use her friend Willy Wonka's business model and rip him off.  Or something like that.

Cynthia and Peter seem to be on the divorce countdown.

Nene found out that new cast member Marla has been arrested seven times.  Say what?

Kim and her lazy daughters unpacked some hideously gaudy Versace plates that will be displayed in their formal dining room but never used.

Sheree went to Kim's Wigmanor and tried to usher in a healthier lifestyle: fresh squeezed juice...... yoga complete with side planks (those totally work by the way) and Kim wanted none of it.  Which was shocking, right?  I think Kim is totally missing out on a huge business opportunity.  Wouldn't you want to buy a yoga workout video with wigged Kim trying to do the down dog position with a cigarette in her mouth and a glass of wine next to her mat?  I'd totally buy it.

Ok, off to take my meds and try for posting number two.

Drawing of Kandi was completed with pen and ink on paper.

Big Ang from Mob Wives!

Oh. My. God..... I wasn't even in the market for a new reality TV muse but I've just found her!  A number of you have suggested I draw the ladies from Mob Wives airing on VH1.  So I took a look at that show but honestly it didn't really grab me.  I tried.  My friend Deena called a couple nights ago and she told me there was a new character named Big Ang on that show and that I would love her.  And my friend was soooooooo right!  I googled her and as Deena and I were on the phone I watched the following clip and nearly passed out.

I mean..... have you ever seen such a delicate flower? Such a demur vessel of femininity.  Such a lilting and shrinking violet.  She's a goddess.  She's everything I've dreamed of, so I drew her.

Oh Big Ang..... I'm forever yours.  Below are a couple .gifs which are .gifts from the reality TV gods!

Somebody slap me!

Drawing of Big Ang completed with pen on paper. 

If you'd like to purchase a print of my drawing, can can find it here.

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Just had to share this........

I was clickin around the web and stumbled onto these sculptures by Billie Achellios.

She used Louis Vuitton products to create those wonderfully kooky animals.  Love it!  Please click on the above link to see further examples and click here to go to her fun blog.  Great stuff!

 

It's a Brad, Brad World.

I made the following illustration in anticipation of tonight's premier of Brad Goreski's new show on Bravo.  Here goes....

I'm excited to see the blushing, bow tie-wearing, styling wonder away from The Rachel Zoe project.  I do like her show but Brad, in my opinion, was the star.  Here's the original version before I colored it.

Both versions are available for purchase.  Original here and print here.

And of course you can always "like" me here.

Thanks and happy new year to you all.

Oh hey Kyle Richards, let's have a look at you.

I'm slowly but surely working on a group portrait of those Beverly Hills gals.... tons of sketches and doodles and silliness.  I'm starting with Miss Splits herself, Kyle Richards.  She's Paris Hilton's aunt and her husband is a big hunk of a man and she likes to do the splits.  That's what I know.  Here goes......

 It's completed with archival pen and ink on archival 11" x 8.5" white drawing paper.  Did I mention it's all archival materials?  That means your great great grandchildren can appreciate this drawing.  So think of those grand kids and buy this on my etsy shop here.  And you can like it here.... if you like.

Happy holidays!  

 

It's all about Kim Richard's disheveled ponytail and aggressively applied blush on The Really Ridiculous Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Well....... it's not really all about those things but I would like to discuss.  Before I go any further I'd like to say Happy Holidays.  Wishing you joy and well-applied blush in the new year.  Back to the Beverly Hills BS........ I drew the following image of Kim Richards right after that last episode which seems like an eternity ago.  I made it, posted it on my fb page, and then got side tracked with Christmas stuff, family stuff, birthday stuff for my guy, and other such stuff and never got around to sharing it here.  Whoopsy! 

At this point, that last episode is just a flickering memory of sitting in my livingroom, guzzling a carafe of cabernet, eating dark chocolate, and wondering what in the hell was up with Kim Richard's deep fried hair (I know they sell conditioner in Beverly Hills) and why she was using mahogany shoe polish as blush?  It's pretty clear Kim is off her rocker and taking comfort in a number of substances but c'mon girl, use a brush, get some Pantene, and try to pick a shade of blush that's not the color of a new pair of penny loafers.  Is that too much to ask for?  And if Kyle is such a good sister, can't she go to Rite Aid and nab Kim some VO5 hot oil hair-repair treatment and a Wet-n-Wild magenta blush?  My above illustration was from the fight she picked with Brandi.  Yes the fight between Kim and Brandi will go on as long as these two are on this show, it's just how it is. It's like Tamra vs Gretchen.  It's like Jill vs Bethenny.  It's like NeNe vs everyone.........  I gotta say the visual of Kim: 5'2", scrappy, weathered, wobbly, confused, relentless, slurring, haggard, with that broom-bristle hair fashioned into a high-pony and sad-clown hooker makeup against Brandi: 6'2", lean, bra-less, fairly calm, and with appropriately-applied makeup and well-conditioned hair, was a stark contrast.  Kim's argument was as put together as she was.  So not very.  As Kim poked her bony finger up into Brandi's face and kept telling Brandi how awful she was and how bad it was that a pretty girl like her would use such bad language (Brandi likes the f word as much as she hates to wear a bra) I wondered if I had to pick a side, could I? 

I guess I like Kim because she's a trainwreck.  It's terrible to admit that but that's why we love these shows, right?  Kim delivers the crazy.  I might like Brandi in another season or two but the jury is still out on her for me.  So I guess I'm Team Kim.  Yikes!!!!!!!!  So in solidarity with Kim I'm off to contour my cheeks with some chocolate frosting, wash but not condition my hair, and pick a fight with someone twice my height and half my age.  :)  Silly, silly, silly.

Illustration of Kim completed with ink of paper and digital color.

XoXo

Happy New Year!

Camille's bff DD's nose vs Taylor's lips on The Really Ridiculous Housewives of Beverly Hills.

How do you make sense out of nonsense?  Anyone..... anyone.........  I gave up a long time ago trying to figure out why I still like these shows.  I can't help myself but I do and I suppose I justify my viewing time by drawing them.  Especially the wackiest ones and the craziest circumstances. 

Let's fast forward thru the show to the end cause that's where we get the big pay-off.  Brandi is desperately trying to make an impact on: her cast-mates, the viewing audience, Bravo TV, slut pigs, people who opt to go bra-less, anyone, anyone, anyone in order to be back next season.  So she threw a party at a friend's lovely Malibu home and all hell broke loose which made her nipples rock hard, as we could see.  One by one the ladies arrived and wine was served and dancing was done and Kyle did the splits and Taylor and Camille awkwardly hugged.  At some point Camille's girlfriend DD who must be vying for a bigger spot on next season got all in Taylor's face and questioned why Taylor was ignoring her friend-employer-lover(?)'s attempt to make amends.  Oh boy.  Poor Taylor slowly began to unravel as DD's nose beak pecked at her massive lips.  DD who's been fairly mild these last two season went berserk hounding Taylor about why she's not making up with Camille and Taylor lost it and started screaming and slobbering and struck out at everyone.  A few attempts to push DD were unsuccessful as she kept coming back to yell at Taylor more and that only worsened the dire situation so Brandi feeling like a big girl told Taylor to leave "her house".  I think she meant to say, my friend's house--- but she was caught up.  So Taylor and Kyle left as did Adrienne.  DD told Camille she loved her and tried grabbing her boobs but Camille whispered not while the cameras are rolling.  And then it was all over.  For now.  Darn you Bravo..... my addiction to your programming is as big as Taylor's lips.  :)

Ink and pen on paper with digital color.

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In celebration of Phaedra's mmm-hmm face.

There are lots of things to enjoy about The Real Housewives of ATL:

*Sheree pretending to build her dream home.... she is an "actress" after all and I believe the "Chateau Sheree" storyline is one long improv exercise.

*The nightclub complete with a VIP section that Peter is launching in a neighborhood which by all accounts is in the hood.  I understand if there's a beautiful old building in a sketchy area and you're hoping to help transition that part of town.  But Peter's bar looks like it was previously a kinkos and all he did was hang some Ikea curtains and a giant photo of Cynthia on the wall.  Hey.... maybe it's still part kinkos and he just printed that over-sized image there.  Very resourceful.

*Pregnant Kim.

*Nene showing all the signs of being a diva moose.

*Anything Kandi.  And of course mama Joyce.

But my favorite thing of all is Phaedra's face when she lets out an mmm-hmm sound at something which excites her.  That mug gets all squished and her lips almost double in size.  I like the soft, quiet, and drawn-out mmmmmm-hmmmmms, her shout it at Jesus MMM-HMMS!!!, and just her regular old mmm-hmms like she's agreeing with you.  They're all good and all very welcome.  Thank you Phaedra for being so entertaining.  Can I get an a-mmm-hmm-men?! 

Ink on paper with digital color.

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