Pretty On The Outside

Michael Fassbender

Michael Fassbender seems to be everywhere theses days and I'm not complaining.  I made this illustration months ago and forgot to post here.  It is completed with pencil on paper and digital color.  

You can see more here.

Rest In Peace Donna Summer.

I've been busy with a couple projects which is why there's been a shortage of postings lately.  I took a break a couple hours ago to see what was happening in the blogosphere and saw that Donna Summer had passed away.  She was only 63.  Donna was one of those celebrities that I thought would be around forever.... like a Gladys Knight or a Dolly Parton.  So so so sad.  I made this illustration of her with ink on paper and then finished with digital color as I remembered so many happy times out dancing with friends to her music.  

Rest In Peace Donna Summer.  

Andy Cohen's Afrohen

Oh my! Did you see Watch What Happens last night? Andy Cohen's mom brought a clip of his magic afro from when he was in his early 20s. Love a fro! I think he should him that beat back. I reworked an existing illustration to bring you his Afrohen. Mazel pick included.

:)

Million Dollar Listing on Bravo

I've only seen one episode of Bravo's Million Dollar Listing and I hadn't planned on ever drawing those guys. About 45 minutes ago I came across a photo of them in an article about their appearance on WWHL after tonight's finale and the guy on the right's face was just too tempting not to draw. I started doodling and above is what I came up with. Can't help myself---- I've got a reality TV drawing problem! :)
Ink on 9" x 12" paper.

Pussy cats, Alexis Belino's odd dress, a secret marriage, and new friendships (?) on The Real Housewives of Orange.

Anything missing from the title?  While watching last night's OC episode I fixed most of my attention on the four slices of CPK's bar-b-q chicken pizza, the half bottle of cabernet, and the two Godiva truffles I indulged in rather than taking any kinds of notes on the show.  Thankfully an hour bike ride earlier in the day made me feel a little less piggy-like.  So without any notes I'm going to type out some thoughts and see if any of it makes sense......

The show began with Gretchen's one night guest spot in the Pussycat Doll's Vegas show and she performed like how we expected.  In terms of live singing ability with Kim Zolciak being the worst and the Countess Luann being the best...... wait, in terms of live singing ability with Melissa Gorga being the worst and Danielle Staub being the best..... wait, in terms of.... in terms of..... oh shit, they're all pretty bad however Gretchen wasn't the worst.  She can still show her face today.  This is jumping ahead of other stuff that happened but I just want to talk about the quantity of makeup Gretchen was wearing the morning after the show.  She and Slade were sitting in their hotel room, bright and early, and Gretchen had full-drag queen makeup on.  

That's morning makeup folks.  It's like when you go to the mall and you walk thru a Nordstroms and there's a gal or two working in the makeup section and they're wearing such an abundance of product that you have to do a double take--- that was Gretchen's approach to daytime realness: fake eyelashes, a pound of blush on each cheek, and a full palette of easter eggs colors deployed on each eye.  This isn't a diss.... I'm actually quite fond of the more is more approach to daytime glamor.  Her performance with the Pussy Cats Dolls the night before left me limp and lifeless but her approach to casual makeup the morning after made me want to cheer and whistle.  You go Gretchen with your heavily made-up face.  

The other big topic and I mean big, surgically-enhanced, topic would be Alexis and that odd Ann Taylor loft dress for woman who are interning as sex workers she had on.  Alexis Bellino aka Jesus Barbie (and remember you read that here first) and her husband Jim prayed before she went to meet with an acting coach to get some help with her tv-hosting abilities.  I love you Alexis just because....  Now this is where it gets interesting..... For her first meeting with the God-approved acting coach, she decided to wear the following dress.

Perhaps she should have prayed over that dress because I somehow think God would have guided towards another option.  Wait a second---- is that Alexis Couture she's got on?  Remember, she names those dresses so this one could be called "Hi, I'm easy.... or am I?"  Her expression mirrored mine as I looked at that rouge ensemble.  It's like the right "off the shoulder" sleeve is serving you Olivia Newton John in Grease- realness and the left shoulder is holding on for dear life against the pull of her massive holy hooters.  As for that acting coach, she's sitting on a leopard printed couch.  Not like a $20,000 Versace lounge chair made by italian supermodels out of real leopard, NO.... it's a cheap, synthetic, odd sofa that even the worst 80s porn director would say is too tacky.  And not sure if any of you remember but right behind that leopard couch were two identically shaped boxy-chairs and one was electric blue and the other was bright red.  I'd have run right out of there personally.  Sidebar--- no good can come from having a cheap leopard print sofa in your place of business.  So...... the coach and Alexis ran thru some scenarios and it was a lot like Gretchen's Pussy Cat Doll's performance and we were all left again limp and lifeless but that dress...... it also gets a round of applause and a whistle.  :)

Other stuff happened but I want to get right down to the main event and that of course is Vicki and her wonderfully expressive face.  Briana who is fortunately cancer-free and her boyfriend went to have dinner with Vicki.  In between the drinks and the entree, Briana served her mother some news that Vicki wasn't ready for.  Taking no time for granted, the seemingly level-headed Briana had secretly gone and gotten married to her guy in Vegas in one of those drive thru chapels.  Was the over-protective Vicki happy?  Did she embrace her new son-in-law with open arms?  Well..... have a look at my drawing and guess.

Vicki with an i was not and I mean was NOT having it.  Swear she was going to say, "I deserve better.  I should have had a white wedding dress and a wedding planner and a veil.  I should have cut the cake and been pelted with rice as I ran to my limo....." Vicki wasn't happy with any of this and didn't hide that what Briana wanted wasn't what Vicki wanted and for that, there will be hell to pay! Dun dun dun........

Of Vicki, you never leave me feeling limp and lifeless.

Drawing of my precious Vicki was completed with ink on paper and digital color.

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Jesus Barbie

This is my loving (?) tribute to Alexis Bellino aka Jesus Barbie.  I fashioned her glorious and blessed extensions out of previous illustrations.  I uploaded it to my imagekind shop and it's available for purchase in all sorts of configurations.  On a canvas......

Framed.......

Please have a look at my imagekind shop. 

Thanks!

Fix your face!

Sheree from The Real Housewives of ATL delivering her most memorable line "fix your face" to NeNe. Too bad Sheree didn't use that line earlier.... it might have saved her job. By the way, doesn't it seem like only yesterday NeNe was barking at Kim to "keep her legs closed to married men". Isn't it crazy that was three years ago?

This drawing started as a study for a more involved image but I liked the messy quality as that seemed to fit the giantic yet infinitely enjoyable train-wreck that is this three-part reunion show.  It's completed with a Bic pen on paper and digital color.  Yes, a Bic pen.  Off to watch the third installment.  Happy reality TV viewing y'all!

In the meanwhile, please have a look at my facebook page.  Thanks!

Glamping and lost sensation on the Real Housewives of Orange County.

This is Vicki immediately after harshly informing Tamra that due to her breast reduction, she'd no longer have sensation in her nipples. That's right, according to Vicki--- Eddie's nip licks will go un-felt. Tamra appropriately looked like she'd been smacked with a crazy stick. Isn't that an odd thing to say, especially to a "good" friend who's recovering from surgery?  Are these two even friends anymore or are they just hoping to get some of NeNe's $700,000 salary next season?  Hell, I'd act like a complete and thorough idiot on tv for that kind of scratch too.  I hit pause on my Tivo as Vicki made that expression, put down my goblet of cabernet, and drew the above image in about 10 minutes. My Vicki... my precious combative Vicki.

Besides Vicki's revelation, the other item of interest (?) was Alexis's glamping trip--- glamorous camping.  Alexis and her friend who both are clearly graduates of the raccoon-eyed school of daytime inappropriate makeup sat around Alexis's kitchen one sunny afternoon and discussed the gals getting back to nature in a civilized manner-- meaning low carb breakfasts while wearing fake eyelashes.  That actually sounds kind fun.  I give you Alexis- the most glamorous glamper who ever dared to glamp- and her new nose.  

Drawing of Alexis completed with pen on paper and some digital color.

Until we meet again......

Bethenny Frankel + Chelsea Handler. Painted.

A little more show and tell... This was a commissioned painting of Bethenny Frankel on Chelsea Handler's show. Every aspect of the photo was as the client requested. My apologies though... this is an iphone photo. Acrylic on a 24" x 18" canvas.

By the way, if you're interested in commissioning me to do a portrait or caricature, please email me.  Thanks!

Please have a look at my facebook page.

Isaac Mizrahi and JLO

While spring cleaning, I came across a bunch of illustrations I'd forgotten about.  Like this Isaac Mizrahi I did back in 1998 for Genre Magazine.  If you google him from that time period, you'll see it's pretty dead-on.  :)  Watercolor, pen, and pencil on paper with a pinch of digital color.

I also found this JLO illustration completed with oil crayon and colored pencil on paper with a pinch of digital color made back in 1998.

And lastly, I give you JLO in all her barely-there Versace glory from the 2000 Grammy awards.  I did this drawing based on a photo from People Magazine which came out right after the show...... way back before there were blogs.  So old school.  :).  Ink and pen on paper with digital color.

Thanks for indulging me!

Reza from The Shahs of Sunset.

 

In a sea of characters that I could care less about, Reza stands apart as a truly entertaining and likable fella. I jumped on this particular Bravo bus a little too far into the trip so I really don't know what's going on.  I watched about 10 minutes of one episode and then like 20 minutes from last week so I'm in no position to comment on what they're like.  But is that going to stop me.......  Of course not.  There's a pretty-ish girl who behaves like Kim Kardashian with a knife fetish and she seems fairly terrible.  I didn't know her name so I had to look her up.  She apparently goes by GG.  Don'tCareDon'tCare.  There's a priestess woman or something who puts diamonds in her water and I can't tell if she's crazy or plays crazy for the cameras.  I won't say she's terrible because just in case she is a witch, I don't want to take any chances.  Her name is Asa.  There's some dude who looks like he should be on The Jersey Shore and his name is Mike.  I had one reader call this show Persian Shores.  :)  There's apparently someone named Sammy and I really don't remember what's going on with him..... maybe he's a realtor?  Then there's MJ and again as I've only seen a few moments of this show so I don't know what she's like.  But she needs help with her makeup.  That's my 2 cents.  But Reza, he's a hoot.  He is the only reason I would tune back in.  In fact, I think he should have his own show like a Tabatha Takes Over.  Reza Takes Over?  Reza Rules?  Reza Don't Give A Sh*t? Reza's Moustache Takes Manhattan?  Reza's Moustache Likes Twinks?  Bravo, please let me produce this.  :) 

Ink and pencil on paper with digital color.

 

David Gilmore and Mariah Carey.

Here's a little show and tell....... Last year I painted two murals in Mariah Carey's LA home. One in her nursery and another on her bedroom ceiling. I also got to paint her baby bump. That photo made the rounds on a lot of blogs and it was little old me who did it. The belly painting was done right before easter and the idea was to make it look like a giant egg.  That photo was about 8 minutes into the process. And just to mention, she was super sweet. There you have it. :)  Here's a closer look.

Latrice Royale from Rupaul's Drag Race

She's my other favorite contestant on Drag Race this season.  Latrice as she says is 'representin for the big girls.'  She's a whole lotta queen serving up body for days and days and days.  If Sharon Needles doesn't win then I hope Latrice will.  I also have to say her makeup is an event on its own--- so theatrical and magical.  Go Latrice.

I hit pause on my tivo remote and drew the above image in about 15 minutes and then colored it in photoshop.

Previous drag race entries can be seen here.

Shahs of Sunset. Hello Reza Farahan.

I was recently on an east coast trip and got to spend a night at one of my best friend's home in Brooklyn.  That evening we were sitting on his couch, drinking wine, flipping through the channels, and of course we picked Bravo to watch.  I actually don't remember which show was on but I do recall there was a commercial for The Shahs of Sunset and as I'd never seen it, I asked my friend if he'd watched and what were his thoughts.  He said it was a completely unlikable mess and when I asked if he was going to continue watching, his response was "of course".  You win again Bravo, you win again!  So last night as I was focusing on emptying a bottle of red wine while putting the finishing touches on a painting, I gave the show a partial watch.  And you know what, my friend's description was spot on.  I don't know their names but the young lady at the beginning of the show who thinks she's the hottest piece and doesn't work and just shops is worse than Kim Kardashian, and that's pretty bad.  I was about to turn it off when a magically moustached gay dude with a voice like Randall-- the honey badger narrator-- appeared.  I don't know what he was talking about as all I could focus on were those eyebrows and that stache!  I put down my paint brush and glass of Cab, hit pause on my tivo remote, and did two quick sketches.  The image on the left I spent maybe about 15 minutes and the one on the right maybe about 8.  Not sure if I captured him...

I had to google to find out his name is Reza and it seems like he may be the only likable person on this show.  But to be honest, I really didn't pay that much attention to them.  Is this show any good?  Did I just catch a bad episode?  Did I drink too much wine?  Will I grow a moustache and talk like Randall?  :)

The part of the show I did like was when Reza-- dressed all in white like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever-- went over to his friend's home to have dinner with her and her mom.  To be specific, I liked the looks of what they were eating!  Oh my god, it looked delicious!  Can't remember anything of what they discussed but I have to say-- and I mean it constructively-- Reza's friend needs to go to the nearest MAC cosmetics and have her makeup color palette reworked.  I'm just sayin.....

Not sure if I can continue with this show although their were a couple of fun faces in the mix.  :)

 

Madonna vs GaGa

This posting is pure, undiluted silliness............  I enjoy Madonna and GaGa.  Madonna has always been around and her music is the soundtrack of my youth.  I thought her last album was a giant turd though yet I really hoped she could pull off a good, relevant record.  And I think she has with Girl Gone Wild.  It's pure fun without any of her life-lesson lyrical nonsense that she seems fond of.  Check out the video and some seriously H.O.T. stills here.  The below image which is from the end of that video with her liquid latex tears was a neat visual and I thought the whole production was her announcing I'm still here.  She's 52 and she's DTFABOGD.  That's down to f$#k a bunch of gay dudes in that video.  

I couldn't help myself.......  Silliness took over and I made her tears form an animated message about Lady GaGa.

Please continue to the second half of this posting to see a very silly MadonnaGaGaGif.....

Sharon Needles is my favorite!

Hello again.  I was on the east coast for the last two and a half weeks and the majority of the time I was staying in a place that had super limited cable--- no Bravo, no Logo, no Showtime, no Starz, no E!.  It was the cable-watching equivalent of camping.  At first I was a little freaked out but then I treated it like a cleanse.  I'm home now and ready to get all TV jacked up again.  Wanted my first illustration to be in honor of my favorite--- my far and away favorite--- contestant on this season's Rupaul's Drag Race, Sharon Needles.  She quirky, unexpected, and unique--- everything you'd want in a drag superstar.  I certainly hope she wins.  Here's my homage to Miss Needles in her future inaugural realness.

Ink, gouache, watercolor, pen, and pencil on paper with digital color.

If you like, please check out my fb page.  Thanks!

Previous RuPaul's Drag Race postings can be seen here.

Another Big Ang tattoo!

Color me flattered again because another person got some ink done based on my Big Ang artwork. My reader Brandon messaged me that his new tattoo was inspired by my rendition of the Mob Wives star. I approve that message and I'm sure Big Ang would be flattered as well. Thanks Brandon!

If you've just stumbled upon my blog from a google search, you can see the first Ang tattoo here.  I'm pateintly waiting for someone to get a Vicki Gunvalson tramp stamp or perhaps a Jesus Barbie boob tat....... fingers crossed!

Snooki is pregnant!

I've been wanting to draw Snooki from The Jersey Shore for a while now.  With the news that she's pregnant, this seemed like the right time. :)  

Ink on paper with digital color.

Have a look at my fb page if you like.

Slade Smiley's comedy routine hurt me.

I'm about to ramble.....  My very good friend who I'll refer to as Bo works at this ultra fancy med spa in Beverly Hills--- it's a destination for tons of celebs.  Bo called me yesterday morning because they were doing a demonstration of this new laser which gets rid of spider veins and other such issues and the patient who they'd scheduled couldn't make it.  So I stepped in.  It was my first time in there and it's fancy-- like you'd expect a dermatologist to the star's facility would be.  The staff were all these hot 30 something year old women who looked like either Cameron Diaz or Demi Moore. Even though I'm a vampire when it comes to the sun and drench myself in tons of sunscreen, I still have/ had some spider veining around my nostrils and a few red specks here and there on my face.  A consent form later and I was being zapped by a group of milfs and I couldn't have been happier.  Well.... it did hurt a little, like a bee sting mixed with electricity to be exact but hey, dem spider veins and red spots are gone!  The base of my nose and the zapped areas were bright red for about an hour after the procedure and they applied some of that after-treatment shiny ointment onto those places.  I felt so LA!  So extreme makeover blogger edition.  I was so pleased with my shiny, red, post-procedure self that I went and got self-serve frozen yogurt in West Hollywood and I felt like I blended right in.  It's not so unusual to see people in various stages of "recovery" in LA and Orange County.  Why am I bringing all this up?  Well, I suppose that that experience made me feel closer somehow to these OC gals and all the treatments they seem to get.  :)  

And while I'm rambling, let me continue by saying that I drank almost a whole bottle of wine by myself while watching this week's episode.  I had to.  I'd be shocked if anyone could make it thru that sober.  I didn't take any notes or anything so I'm just going to type away and see what happens...............  I think the show started with Tamra going to visit Vicki.  They made breakfast and small talk and seemed like they got their friendship back on track.  Or did they?  Vicki isn't taking too kindly to Tamra's new friendship with Gretchen.  Tamra seems a little off to me this season, like the weight of her life is really taking its toll.  My friend Tim messaged me that he thinks she has mental problems or is just perhaps a bad drunk.  I'm not a doctor or a therapist but I am a bad drunk so I can't judge.  Her walk and talk with Eddie and their dinner seems to point to her hesitancy about their future.  I think it's wise that she takes her time and not rush into being a "housewife" again unless that's what she wants.  And it doesn't seem like she does.  But she is a housewife....  I don't know what I'm saying.  :-)

I'd like to discuss Heather, the new New Yorker housewife.  Remember, she's from New York.  I used a rather harsh word last posting to describe her and let me rephrase that--- she comes across as a bragging, cold, self-involved, aggressive, condescending lady.  That's what I meant when I used the c word last time.  She and Alexis went for a lady's lunch or a lady's mid-day drink and I believe Alexis was wearing Alexis Couture.  Am I remembering correctly that she names each dress to give it an identity?  If she does, this dress would be named Sad Sleazy Sally.  It was like a gateway garment and the next step is prostitution.  On the tragic trajectory of a downhill apparel spiral it goes: Ann Taylor Loft, Alexis Couture, torn ill-fitting spandex dress worn without underwear.  :)  I can't remember what exactly Heather was saying to Alexis but it was all from the place of being the judge.  Like Alexis was coming to her to get her approval.  And she didn't get it.  I almost felt bad for Alexis because she was squirmy and seemed at a loss for words as Heather used her harsh New Yorkness to jab at her.  Sad Sleazy Sad was defenseless.  

Ok, let's get right down to the main event.  Slad Smiley launched his new career as a comedian and if you saw it you know discomfort.  What in the world?  His thrusting crotch scarred my sensibilities. My sensibilities were like my nose right after that gathering of milfs zapped it with the laser.  At least I got some soothing ointment to apply to my nose, I had to smooth my sensibilities with cabernet during his routine.  It was just bad.  It was just really bad and aggressive and weird.  The best part was that awkward up-light that was being cast on Heather, Terry, Jim, and Alexis.  It made a harsh yet fun shadow on the top of Heather's chip-monk cheeks.  I can't remember what exactly Slade said to make Heather look at the camera but I hit pause on my TIVO, grabbed a pen and quickly sketched her demented Looney Tunes expression. 

In all fairness, I think I had that same look of my face during his entire routine.  I'm making that face right now reliving his "taking aim" and pounding his hips aggressively towards his would-be targets.  And his mom was in the audience!  Poor woman.  Oh, I'm remembering Heather told Alexis that she's done stand-up before and it's really difficult.  I'm wondering what else Heather will reveal she's done?  I know she's an: actress, singer, and soon to be restauranteur... but what else?  Fire circus aerialist?  Juggler?  Magician?  Dermataologist to the stars?  Did Heather zap my nose yesterday?  I'm so confused!  And now I must go..........

I know I didn't go indepth about Slade's performance and that's because it was sad and weird.  And now Gretchen has to deal with the aftermath.  I'm sure he's getting lots of press though and really what he's "taking aim at."  

Until we meet again.......

Drawing of Heather completed with pen on paper and digital color. 

Alexis, Vicki, and Heather..... oh my!

Oh lordy....... this is late.  Like, really really really late.  I drew the three caricatures last wednesday for this posting but then life in the way.  Nothing bad fortunately..... just stuff I had to attend to.  I was going to just scrap this but as I mentioned I drew three images so the posting must go on......

The show began with the aftermath of the most mind-numbing, childish, ridiculous scenarios from the previous episode. If you don't watch this show, let me briefly explain.  And remember these are adults.  Tamra who's probably 44 and her boyfriend Eddie is probably 39 were heading to Catalina Island along with Vicki (ageless) and her boyfriend Brooks who's like maybe 44.  The two couples were waiting for the island boat shuttle and decided to pass the time doing shots.  The couples were seated from left to right: Eddie, Tamra, Vicki, and Brooks.  Eddie and Vicki were reaching across Tamra to high-five about being the same zodiac sign and Tamra got jealous that her two friend's hands briefly touched so she did what any 44 year woman would do in that situation--- she grabbed Vicki's boyfriend's hand and put it on her boob.  Tamra clearly packed her suitcase exclusively with crazy for the weekend trip.  Eddie freaked out over the boob grab.  Tamra huffed and puffed and cried and shrieked and Vicki and her beau looked confused.  Rightfully so.  Here's Vicki's face during that encounter and my apologies to her for this drawing....

New gal Heather wants us to know a few things: she from New York, she's picky, she's from New York, she's an actress ha ha ha ha ha, she's picky, and she's from New York.  Oh, she's from New York, got it?  She went to dinner with her husband and was bothered that the waitress handed her the menu partially open--- and I'm outraged that waitress wasn't fired on the spot. Doesn't that waitress know you can't hand a New York actress currently residing in Orange County a menu somewhat open?  That just wouldn't happen in New York.  We also learned Heather sends her food back 90% of the time which makes her a fucking cunt.  I'm not apologizing.  The couple discussed Vicki's cajun-themed party which Terry (Heather's husband) referred to as being "low rent" which makes him a fucking cunt too.  There you have it, two cunts out to dinner.  And as expected, Heather sent her food back.  Sigh......

Gretchen and Slade walked their dogs which was the setup for Slade to announce his new career--- stand-up comedian.  Oh Slade, I feel like I need to send you a fruit arrangement or some flowers for the gift you're about to give us all.  

Heather wanted to get the gals together for a painting party and I do have to give her credit for originality for not defaulting to the usual contrived stupidity: a bj party, a sextoy party.......  

Speaking of unoriginal, Tamra and Gretchen decided to further their fledgling friendship by going to a sex shop.  Yawn.  I feel this friendship has an expiration date which is rapidly approaching.  

And on the subject of expiring friendships, Vicki's and Tamra's seems to be souring.  At Heather's painting party, Tamra and Gretchen were flaunting their new relationship like it was a new pair of enhanced tits and like those, this union is all for show and fake.  I don't remember at what point during the party Heather made this face, but here goes....

Actually, I think it was when she was lecturing the gals that as a New Yorker, hope you didn't forget, that moved to LA and then to the OC that there are no nice restaurants in Orange County which is why she and some girlfriends are planning to open one.  That statement ruffled Alexis's feathers.  Here's her reaction....

Oh these people are endlessly entertaining......  I will say that these ladies did make some nice paintings during the class.  

Ok that's all...... as I watched the show six days ago I've forgotten most of what happened.  Fortunately my drawings are a little reminder of some of the high/ low points. 

All drawings are done with micron pen on pink paper with digital color.