Pretty On The Outside

American Idol finale. It's ALL about Fantasia Barrino's jumpsuit and Jennifer Holiday's song delivery.

Do any of you watch that American Idol mess anymore?  I can't help myself....... I still catch an occasional episode and curiosity took over last night to check out the finale.  Don't worry, there are no spoilers about the results.  What I'd like to briefly highlight were my two favorite moments.  True to finale-form, the top contestants were paired with "real" singing "stars" for some sort of awkward performance.  I like Joshua Ledet and his singing style.  Any song of his takes you to church, lays it's hands on you, and baptizes you in the fire of his voice!  He's fairly over the top but hey, I like that.  Joshua was all set for a "moment" when he took the stage to sing Elton John's "Take Me To The Pilot" and he sounded and looked great.  And then they unleashed the Kraken.  Fantasia Barrino who looked like a retired NFL linebacker pressed into a size 8 Bob Mackey catsuit was giving Hulk-realness as the seams had busted wide open exposing some juicy leg and arm meat.  And that weave to the floor didn't softly the look one bit.  Here's what I'm talking about.

Oh my.  That look is wrong in every direction.

She screamed, he screamed, you screamed, I screamed, and then it abruptly cut to a commercial break.  Perhaps that catsuit couldn't take the stress and it blew right off with the force of a deployed airbag and took out the entire front row and judging panel.  Sweet Jesus.

The other fantastic moment came via Jennifer Holiday and Jessica Sanchez for a burn the building to the ground rendition of "You're Gonna Love Me."  No one and I mean NO ONE can channel the holy ghost, a poltergeist, Hurricane Katrina, and dirty bomb into a performance quite like Miss Holiday.  Jessica, who is a great singer, was no match for the seasoned wildness that was her stage partner.

Jessica did her best to huff and puff and growl and roll her eyes but Jennifer is a veteran of the over-the-top-is-the-starting-point school of showmanship.

Those gifs are courtesy of Matt Cherette.  Thanks Matt!

Who won last night--- we did!  

P.S. No catsuits or wigs were harmed in this posting.

Alexis Bellino thinks Costa Rica is in Mexico.

After that title, I should really just end this posting..... how can it get any better?  Goodness empty-headed gracious.  Ok, so the show started at Vicki's office and they showed an itty bit of the painting I did for her years ago.  Brooks brought her coffee and pastries and that southern charm which is hard to tell if he's a snake oil salesman or sincere.  "Darlin, I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you..... What your atm pin?"  I hope for her that he's a good guy.

Next we have Heather up in LA "lunching" with an actress friend and it turns out she actually did act. With the bevy of nit-wits that have been on this show, I figured she'd invented a back story about her acting career but hey--- she was telling the truth.  We did have to hear again how hard it was for her to move from NYC to LA and then to the OC.  And I felt for her.  It's so sad she has to live in that mansion with a husband who adores her and have an elevator.  It seems really f*&king hard, right?  It must be so taxing wondering if she should take the stairs or the elevator in her own home.  Oh what a nightmare I have to walk around my 10,000 sq ft home and wear designer cloths and have a makeup artist....... oh the problems to have.  I do have to admit she's becoming a little more likable.  That husband of her's Terry, he's a peach.  He's a charmer and I'd take his last name happily.  David Dubrow.  Pretty On The Outside Dubrow.  Both have a ring to them.  And I'd have changed my name right off the bat.... not wait 12 years or however long it's been.  Terry, I love you.  Call me.

Next we had Gretchen and Slade and honestly, I don't really care.  Is that wrong?  It's the same thing year after year and nothing changes.  What I am interested in is the mountain of makeup she applies to her face.  Here's what I'm talking about.

This is first thing in the morning makeup for Gretchen.  Slades having his morning coffee talking about his problems and Gretchen's sporting an endless buffet of foundation, blush, fixing powder, eyeshadows, blush, spackle, primer, varnish, potting soil, shoe polish, charcoal, and instant coffee grounds on her face.  Oh Gretchen, please don't ever stop heaping on the face cake.  Enough about them.

Now onto my two favorite parts of the show and both involve Alexis Bellino.  Thank you Bravo.  Alexis shot the cover for a magazine no one has heard of.  I think a Bravo producer made up that magazine and she only heard "cover" and was there.  According to Alexis, her clothing line is doing fabulous and flying off the shelves of somewhere.  Apparently she has two lines.  One co-designed by her housekeeper Towel and the other she exclusively designed.  I think they're both called Alexis Couture.  Right?  Or is one called Alexis Couture by Alexis and the other is called Alexis Couture by Alexis and Towel?  Or Is it Alexis Couture and Alexis Couture?  :)  Or is it Alexis Couture and Alexis Not Couture?  I'm so confused.  But what I do know is that her clothes are as fashionable as Jim Bellino is fit.  Maybe her clothing line should be called, "Oh my God, what have I done?" or "Forgive me Father." :)

There are so many things that Alexis should be embarrassed about: those ridiculously huge boobs, that cascading doll hair, that husband of hers, her birthday toast, her hosting skills, her clothing line, but the one that tops all came courtesy of Vicki G.  My sweet Vicki G.  Miss Gunvalson is planning a "girls trip" to Costa Rica and in a confessional scene moment Alexis said the following quote: "Costa Rica is in Mexico, so it's South."  Ha ah ha ah ha ha ha!!!!!!!!  The camera person should win an emmy for not falling over laughing and knocking the camera off its stand.  Oh Alexis, you've secured a spot on this franchise for as long as you like!  

So the next best part came at the end of the show when Tamra, who's looking pretty hot I have to say, was summoned by Alexis to meet at some restaurant to discuss their "issues."  And basically Tamra told Alexis that she's a fake bitch and she doesn't like her and she'll comment about her if asked.  That seems pretty clear.  Alexis had the following look during the entire conversation.

I actually had the same look when she said the line about Costa Rica.  

Thank you Alexis for keeping me interested in this show.  Please don't ever go........

If you like, you can like me here. 

David Gilmore + Mike Ruiz

File this posting under show and tell..........  I recently had the pleasure of doing body painting for photographer Mike Ruiz.  He's working on a rather elaborate project which involves a large array of body painters, makeup artists, and a slew of buff male models.  I painted two models in one day in an LA photo studio and I can certainly say there are much worse ways to spend a day.  Mike took photos constantly during the project and he shared the following image on his facebook page.  This photo is about 15-ish minutes into a 3 and a half hour session.

When this project is published, I'll share those images here.  By the way, I have a TON of body painting images which I'm saving them for something very specific.  I will share some though soon.

Thanks for looking at my show and tell.

Teresa Giudice and her appropriately titled phone.

What to even say about Teresa Giudice at this point? I don't imagine we're going to discover that she's actually a reasonable person who listens to an opposing view and can change her opinion.  Or am I wrong?  I think her bedazzled cell phone may just say it all.  

And their poor kids............ Apples usually don't fall too far from trees.

Ink on paper with digital color.

Michael Fassbender

Michael Fassbender seems to be everywhere theses days and I'm not complaining.  I made this illustration months ago and forgot to post here.  It is completed with pencil on paper and digital color.  

You can see more here.

Rest In Peace Donna Summer.

I've been busy with a couple projects which is why there's been a shortage of postings lately.  I took a break a couple hours ago to see what was happening in the blogosphere and saw that Donna Summer had passed away.  She was only 63.  Donna was one of those celebrities that I thought would be around forever.... like a Gladys Knight or a Dolly Parton.  So so so sad.  I made this illustration of her with ink on paper and then finished with digital color as I remembered so many happy times out dancing with friends to her music.  

Rest In Peace Donna Summer.  

Andy Cohen's Afrohen

Oh my! Did you see Watch What Happens last night? Andy Cohen's mom brought a clip of his magic afro from when he was in his early 20s. Love a fro! I think he should him that beat back. I reworked an existing illustration to bring you his Afrohen. Mazel pick included.

:)

Million Dollar Listing on Bravo

I've only seen one episode of Bravo's Million Dollar Listing and I hadn't planned on ever drawing those guys. About 45 minutes ago I came across a photo of them in an article about their appearance on WWHL after tonight's finale and the guy on the right's face was just too tempting not to draw. I started doodling and above is what I came up with. Can't help myself---- I've got a reality TV drawing problem! :)
Ink on 9" x 12" paper.

Pussy cats, Alexis Belino's odd dress, a secret marriage, and new friendships (?) on The Real Housewives of Orange.

Anything missing from the title?  While watching last night's OC episode I fixed most of my attention on the four slices of CPK's bar-b-q chicken pizza, the half bottle of cabernet, and the two Godiva truffles I indulged in rather than taking any kinds of notes on the show.  Thankfully an hour bike ride earlier in the day made me feel a little less piggy-like.  So without any notes I'm going to type out some thoughts and see if any of it makes sense......

The show began with Gretchen's one night guest spot in the Pussycat Doll's Vegas show and she performed like how we expected.  In terms of live singing ability with Kim Zolciak being the worst and the Countess Luann being the best...... wait, in terms of live singing ability with Melissa Gorga being the worst and Danielle Staub being the best..... wait, in terms of.... in terms of..... oh shit, they're all pretty bad however Gretchen wasn't the worst.  She can still show her face today.  This is jumping ahead of other stuff that happened but I just want to talk about the quantity of makeup Gretchen was wearing the morning after the show.  She and Slade were sitting in their hotel room, bright and early, and Gretchen had full-drag queen makeup on.  

That's morning makeup folks.  It's like when you go to the mall and you walk thru a Nordstroms and there's a gal or two working in the makeup section and they're wearing such an abundance of product that you have to do a double take--- that was Gretchen's approach to daytime realness: fake eyelashes, a pound of blush on each cheek, and a full palette of easter eggs colors deployed on each eye.  This isn't a diss.... I'm actually quite fond of the more is more approach to daytime glamor.  Her performance with the Pussy Cats Dolls the night before left me limp and lifeless but her approach to casual makeup the morning after made me want to cheer and whistle.  You go Gretchen with your heavily made-up face.  

The other big topic and I mean big, surgically-enhanced, topic would be Alexis and that odd Ann Taylor loft dress for woman who are interning as sex workers she had on.  Alexis Bellino aka Jesus Barbie (and remember you read that here first) and her husband Jim prayed before she went to meet with an acting coach to get some help with her tv-hosting abilities.  I love you Alexis just because....  Now this is where it gets interesting..... For her first meeting with the God-approved acting coach, she decided to wear the following dress.

Perhaps she should have prayed over that dress because I somehow think God would have guided towards another option.  Wait a second---- is that Alexis Couture she's got on?  Remember, she names those dresses so this one could be called "Hi, I'm easy.... or am I?"  Her expression mirrored mine as I looked at that rouge ensemble.  It's like the right "off the shoulder" sleeve is serving you Olivia Newton John in Grease- realness and the left shoulder is holding on for dear life against the pull of her massive holy hooters.  As for that acting coach, she's sitting on a leopard printed couch.  Not like a $20,000 Versace lounge chair made by italian supermodels out of real leopard, NO.... it's a cheap, synthetic, odd sofa that even the worst 80s porn director would say is too tacky.  And not sure if any of you remember but right behind that leopard couch were two identically shaped boxy-chairs and one was electric blue and the other was bright red.  I'd have run right out of there personally.  Sidebar--- no good can come from having a cheap leopard print sofa in your place of business.  So...... the coach and Alexis ran thru some scenarios and it was a lot like Gretchen's Pussy Cat Doll's performance and we were all left again limp and lifeless but that dress...... it also gets a round of applause and a whistle.  :)

Other stuff happened but I want to get right down to the main event and that of course is Vicki and her wonderfully expressive face.  Briana who is fortunately cancer-free and her boyfriend went to have dinner with Vicki.  In between the drinks and the entree, Briana served her mother some news that Vicki wasn't ready for.  Taking no time for granted, the seemingly level-headed Briana had secretly gone and gotten married to her guy in Vegas in one of those drive thru chapels.  Was the over-protective Vicki happy?  Did she embrace her new son-in-law with open arms?  Well..... have a look at my drawing and guess.

Vicki with an i was not and I mean was NOT having it.  Swear she was going to say, "I deserve better.  I should have had a white wedding dress and a wedding planner and a veil.  I should have cut the cake and been pelted with rice as I ran to my limo....." Vicki wasn't happy with any of this and didn't hide that what Briana wanted wasn't what Vicki wanted and for that, there will be hell to pay! Dun dun dun........

Of Vicki, you never leave me feeling limp and lifeless.

Drawing of my precious Vicki was completed with ink on paper and digital color.

If you've got a moment, please have a look at my facebook page.  Thanks!

Jesus Barbie

This is my loving (?) tribute to Alexis Bellino aka Jesus Barbie.  I fashioned her glorious and blessed extensions out of previous illustrations.  I uploaded it to my imagekind shop and it's available for purchase in all sorts of configurations.  On a canvas......

Framed.......

Please have a look at my imagekind shop. 

Thanks!

Fix your face!

Sheree from The Real Housewives of ATL delivering her most memorable line "fix your face" to NeNe. Too bad Sheree didn't use that line earlier.... it might have saved her job. By the way, doesn't it seem like only yesterday NeNe was barking at Kim to "keep her legs closed to married men". Isn't it crazy that was three years ago?

This drawing started as a study for a more involved image but I liked the messy quality as that seemed to fit the giantic yet infinitely enjoyable train-wreck that is this three-part reunion show.  It's completed with a Bic pen on paper and digital color.  Yes, a Bic pen.  Off to watch the third installment.  Happy reality TV viewing y'all!

In the meanwhile, please have a look at my facebook page.  Thanks!

Glamping and lost sensation on the Real Housewives of Orange County.

This is Vicki immediately after harshly informing Tamra that due to her breast reduction, she'd no longer have sensation in her nipples. That's right, according to Vicki--- Eddie's nip licks will go un-felt. Tamra appropriately looked like she'd been smacked with a crazy stick. Isn't that an odd thing to say, especially to a "good" friend who's recovering from surgery?  Are these two even friends anymore or are they just hoping to get some of NeNe's $700,000 salary next season?  Hell, I'd act like a complete and thorough idiot on tv for that kind of scratch too.  I hit pause on my Tivo as Vicki made that expression, put down my goblet of cabernet, and drew the above image in about 10 minutes. My Vicki... my precious combative Vicki.

Besides Vicki's revelation, the other item of interest (?) was Alexis's glamping trip--- glamorous camping.  Alexis and her friend who both are clearly graduates of the raccoon-eyed school of daytime inappropriate makeup sat around Alexis's kitchen one sunny afternoon and discussed the gals getting back to nature in a civilized manner-- meaning low carb breakfasts while wearing fake eyelashes.  That actually sounds kind fun.  I give you Alexis- the most glamorous glamper who ever dared to glamp- and her new nose.  

Drawing of Alexis completed with pen on paper and some digital color.

Until we meet again......

Bethenny Frankel + Chelsea Handler. Painted.

A little more show and tell... This was a commissioned painting of Bethenny Frankel on Chelsea Handler's show. Every aspect of the photo was as the client requested. My apologies though... this is an iphone photo. Acrylic on a 24" x 18" canvas.

By the way, if you're interested in commissioning me to do a portrait or caricature, please email me.  Thanks!

Please have a look at my facebook page.

Isaac Mizrahi and JLO

While spring cleaning, I came across a bunch of illustrations I'd forgotten about.  Like this Isaac Mizrahi I did back in 1998 for Genre Magazine.  If you google him from that time period, you'll see it's pretty dead-on.  :)  Watercolor, pen, and pencil on paper with a pinch of digital color.

I also found this JLO illustration completed with oil crayon and colored pencil on paper with a pinch of digital color made back in 1998.

And lastly, I give you JLO in all her barely-there Versace glory from the 2000 Grammy awards.  I did this drawing based on a photo from People Magazine which came out right after the show...... way back before there were blogs.  So old school.  :).  Ink and pen on paper with digital color.

Thanks for indulging me!

Reza from The Shahs of Sunset.

 

In a sea of characters that I could care less about, Reza stands apart as a truly entertaining and likable fella. I jumped on this particular Bravo bus a little too far into the trip so I really don't know what's going on.  I watched about 10 minutes of one episode and then like 20 minutes from last week so I'm in no position to comment on what they're like.  But is that going to stop me.......  Of course not.  There's a pretty-ish girl who behaves like Kim Kardashian with a knife fetish and she seems fairly terrible.  I didn't know her name so I had to look her up.  She apparently goes by GG.  Don'tCareDon'tCare.  There's a priestess woman or something who puts diamonds in her water and I can't tell if she's crazy or plays crazy for the cameras.  I won't say she's terrible because just in case she is a witch, I don't want to take any chances.  Her name is Asa.  There's some dude who looks like he should be on The Jersey Shore and his name is Mike.  I had one reader call this show Persian Shores.  :)  There's apparently someone named Sammy and I really don't remember what's going on with him..... maybe he's a realtor?  Then there's MJ and again as I've only seen a few moments of this show so I don't know what she's like.  But she needs help with her makeup.  That's my 2 cents.  But Reza, he's a hoot.  He is the only reason I would tune back in.  In fact, I think he should have his own show like a Tabatha Takes Over.  Reza Takes Over?  Reza Rules?  Reza Don't Give A Sh*t? Reza's Moustache Takes Manhattan?  Reza's Moustache Likes Twinks?  Bravo, please let me produce this.  :) 

Ink and pencil on paper with digital color.

 

David Gilmore and Mariah Carey.

Here's a little show and tell....... Last year I painted two murals in Mariah Carey's LA home. One in her nursery and another on her bedroom ceiling. I also got to paint her baby bump. That photo made the rounds on a lot of blogs and it was little old me who did it. The belly painting was done right before easter and the idea was to make it look like a giant egg.  That photo was about 8 minutes into the process. And just to mention, she was super sweet. There you have it. :)  Here's a closer look.

Latrice Royale from Rupaul's Drag Race

She's my other favorite contestant on Drag Race this season.  Latrice as she says is 'representin for the big girls.'  She's a whole lotta queen serving up body for days and days and days.  If Sharon Needles doesn't win then I hope Latrice will.  I also have to say her makeup is an event on its own--- so theatrical and magical.  Go Latrice.

I hit pause on my tivo remote and drew the above image in about 15 minutes and then colored it in photoshop.

Previous drag race entries can be seen here.

Shahs of Sunset. Hello Reza Farahan.

I was recently on an east coast trip and got to spend a night at one of my best friend's home in Brooklyn.  That evening we were sitting on his couch, drinking wine, flipping through the channels, and of course we picked Bravo to watch.  I actually don't remember which show was on but I do recall there was a commercial for The Shahs of Sunset and as I'd never seen it, I asked my friend if he'd watched and what were his thoughts.  He said it was a completely unlikable mess and when I asked if he was going to continue watching, his response was "of course".  You win again Bravo, you win again!  So last night as I was focusing on emptying a bottle of red wine while putting the finishing touches on a painting, I gave the show a partial watch.  And you know what, my friend's description was spot on.  I don't know their names but the young lady at the beginning of the show who thinks she's the hottest piece and doesn't work and just shops is worse than Kim Kardashian, and that's pretty bad.  I was about to turn it off when a magically moustached gay dude with a voice like Randall-- the honey badger narrator-- appeared.  I don't know what he was talking about as all I could focus on were those eyebrows and that stache!  I put down my paint brush and glass of Cab, hit pause on my tivo remote, and did two quick sketches.  The image on the left I spent maybe about 15 minutes and the one on the right maybe about 8.  Not sure if I captured him...

I had to google to find out his name is Reza and it seems like he may be the only likable person on this show.  But to be honest, I really didn't pay that much attention to them.  Is this show any good?  Did I just catch a bad episode?  Did I drink too much wine?  Will I grow a moustache and talk like Randall?  :)

The part of the show I did like was when Reza-- dressed all in white like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever-- went over to his friend's home to have dinner with her and her mom.  To be specific, I liked the looks of what they were eating!  Oh my god, it looked delicious!  Can't remember anything of what they discussed but I have to say-- and I mean it constructively-- Reza's friend needs to go to the nearest MAC cosmetics and have her makeup color palette reworked.  I'm just sayin.....

Not sure if I can continue with this show although their were a couple of fun faces in the mix.  :)

 

Madonna vs GaGa

This posting is pure, undiluted silliness............  I enjoy Madonna and GaGa.  Madonna has always been around and her music is the soundtrack of my youth.  I thought her last album was a giant turd though yet I really hoped she could pull off a good, relevant record.  And I think she has with Girl Gone Wild.  It's pure fun without any of her life-lesson lyrical nonsense that she seems fond of.  Check out the video and some seriously H.O.T. stills here.  The below image which is from the end of that video with her liquid latex tears was a neat visual and I thought the whole production was her announcing I'm still here.  She's 52 and she's DTFABOGD.  That's down to f$#k a bunch of gay dudes in that video.  

I couldn't help myself.......  Silliness took over and I made her tears form an animated message about Lady GaGa.

Please continue to the second half of this posting to see a very silly MadonnaGaGaGif.....

Sharon Needles is my favorite!

Hello again.  I was on the east coast for the last two and a half weeks and the majority of the time I was staying in a place that had super limited cable--- no Bravo, no Logo, no Showtime, no Starz, no E!.  It was the cable-watching equivalent of camping.  At first I was a little freaked out but then I treated it like a cleanse.  I'm home now and ready to get all TV jacked up again.  Wanted my first illustration to be in honor of my favorite--- my far and away favorite--- contestant on this season's Rupaul's Drag Race, Sharon Needles.  She quirky, unexpected, and unique--- everything you'd want in a drag superstar.  I certainly hope she wins.  Here's my homage to Miss Needles in her future inaugural realness.

Ink, gouache, watercolor, pen, and pencil on paper with digital color.

If you like, please check out my fb page.  Thanks!

Previous RuPaul's Drag Race postings can be seen here.