Pretty On The Outside

The Real Housewives of Orange County. Living the dream or the cliche?

Oh dear......This show is beginning to turn my stomach.  Sad to type that but it's true.  The Housewife franchise started simply enough with a bunch of McMansion-dwelling new-money attention-starved gals showcasing their "fabulous" lives and really trying to come off as though they had it going on.  Right?  Well, when the real estate market/ economy went over a cliff some time ago, it took a season or two but these women seemingly got the memo that bragging endless about their pampered lives was no longer such a good idea.  Or believable.  The latest blond and her oh my god he's gross husband to be added to the cast are definitely a return to that initial model.  I guess that makes them retro?

 

That's Alexis and maybe she's a decent person? Or maybe she's an empty-headed narcissist who married a cigar-smoking cheese ball in a pitted out satin shirt for the money?  As she stated during a confessional scene--- she has the kind of life she always wanted being able to buy $1,500 shoes.  Or maybe God brought them together as they declared he's #1 in their lives?  Hmmmmm......  During their lunch, Alexis was babbling on about how her face needs a lot of attention, she needs to take care of her hair and nails, she has to make time to workout and tan, and then there are the kids...... Exhausting!  Someone get her a cold drink.  Having to tan and then take a spinning class while your nanny watches the kids must be an unimaginable burden.

That's Jim. Her king.  He's a complete return to the "f**k you, we're filthy rich" type of behavior which has been missing for a while.  It was kind of great, in a heinous way, to hear him say four separate times that the pageant looking necklace he gave his wife during their luncheon was 7 carats.  Four times he said that shit.  He also quickly told his wife that he'd never let her go to Greece without him when she relayed a story about a girl friend taking a husband-free vacation.  In a weird way, this couple is actually making me like the show a bit more because they are so clearly desperate for attention that I imagine some truly ignorant crap will be endlessly coming out of their mouths. I cautiously look forward to what they'll do next.

Lynne's storyline especially with her daughters makes me cringe.  To tell the truth, I prerecord the show and fast forward through all of Lynne's scenes.  I'll watch when she gets a new head this week.  That ought to be entertaining.

Tamra's wig party looked fun and I did like the lilac one she wore.  It was very reminiscent of the pink wig Britney wore during her meltdown.  I thought Lynne's 70's look was kinda hot in a crazy way and Alexis, free of her husband, seemed to get a bit rowdy.  I have a feeling she's going to drunkenly flash her giant fake boobs at Vicki at some point.  That would reignite my love for this show.

Speaking of love for the show..... here's my sweet Vicki.

That crazy face she's making is from the clip for next week's show as she's telling Don that Simon thinks they're not normal.  She drives home that point by making a not normal face.  God I love Vicki! 

That's that.  I do look forward to Lynne's new puss and whatever crap Alexis and Jim will come up with next.

All three drawings are ink on 9" x 12" hot presses watercolor paper.

Previous OC Housewives postings can be seen here.

Fashion flair from the five year old son of a reader

My heart was so warmed by the sweetest email which I received while I was away.  A reader felt a connection to the postings of my 10 year old nephew and his mannequin muse Martinique.  That reader, who I'll call K, has a five year old son with a similar affinity towards glamor.  She nicely shared some stories of her son and some fantastic photos of his work. 

 

Above is the first image I was sent.  How could a five year old make that I wondered?  Well, according to K he makes his designs out of remnants, cuts a hole where he thinks the head should go, and finishes the outfit with tape.  He made it work!  I wanna high five the little guy and give a giant hug to K.  That's an A+ of an outfit if I've ever seen one.  And there's more......

 

In K's words: I attached his first ever creation which he made with a pillow case, markers, scissors, and tape. Couple of things to note: he cut the collar to be a V neck, the way the seam is placed it looks like the dress is cut on the bias (gasp) and then he drew in ruching detail all the way down the back.

Snap snap!  At five he did all this.  It's just too good to be true. K is blazing the same sort of trail that my sister and her husband are--- which means her son is allowed to let his creativity bloom without any limits.  I'm just really at a lose for words right now looking over these photos and rereading the proud emails this woman sent.  

Thank you K for sending me these photos and sharing your story.  You're raising a talented son and you should be very proud. 

Happy early Birthday to my nephew

I just had a gigantic brain fart.   I thought today was my nephew's birthday.  You know, my nephew who has a flair for glamor.  Turns out I haven't completely lost my mind, just partially.  Today's the 3rd and his birthday isn't until the 30th.  Done in by 3s!  Sadly, I've never had a head for numbers.  Before I realized my blunder, I was creating this side by side image with two recent photos my nephew sent me.  I was going to turn it into a birthday card, but I figured out my goof midway through.  So instead I'll just feature the dazzling stylings of my still 10 year old nephew.  Typically with the sort of layout below I would be asking you to choose which outfit you like best.  Clearly both of these are winning looks!

 

On the left we have his "Rock Star" look as he titled it in his email.  The image on the right came in with the title "An afternoon of shopping." 

It's just too good!

Happy early birthday my talented nephew.

The Real Housewives of Orange County. Boob jobs, jealousy, and God.

It all started so innocently--- a little less than three years ago while flipping through the channels I stumbled across a frozen-faced pig-nosed woman going on and on and on about nothing.  I stood motionless as the bleached, botoxed, big fake-boobied woman in an age-inappropriate outfit was talking crap about another woman and I felt like I had just tasted the forbidden fruit.  And I knew my TV viewing life would never be the same. That show was The Real Housewives of Orange County and the woman droning on and on was Vicki Gunvalson.  Hello my new muse!  I hit pause on my TIVO, grabbed a pen and sketchbook, and the rest is cabernet soaked history.  I had no idea at that point the cast of lunatics who'd follow from the other shows: Danielle, The Countess, NeNe, Kim, SheRee, and my other favorite, Ramona.  Bless you Bravo.  Expect a Christmas card.

My all consuming love for this particular show however is fading a bit.  That OC posse from three years ago is all but gone now.  Sadly no more Lauri, not sadly no more Jo, no more Tammy, or that other blond who moved to Chicago.  Kimberly I think her name was.  And as of this next episode, no more Jeanna which in turn means no more of her hot yet terribly rude son Shane.  That f**ker is sexy as hell and I'll miss him more than any of the housewives, but I digress.  So all we have left is Vicki and rightfully so... she's going down with the ship.  In place of that original cast we now have a stable of unstable gals.  To be honest, my love tank is being depleted by that new bird and her husband.  Anyone else getting the creeps from them?

 

I did the above drawing of the latest housewife Alexis in about five minutes as that was all I could take.  I know I didn't fully capture her, but it was more about her ridiculous fake tits and her prized Orange County blond mane.  She seems nice enough so far but my guess is she'll be the worst one yet.  Call it my woman's intuition.

 

That's her husband Jim who looks like John Travolta after a "boys weekend" on Fire Island.  I think what's giving me the skeeves about this couple is that they listed the structure of their lives which is: #1. God,  #2. Their marriage, and #3. Their children.  I'm going to tweak that a bit and say their priorities are: #1. Being on TV, #2. Her gigantic tits, and then maybe the rest of what they said.  Jim said they are "traditional in the moral fiber in which they conduct themselves" which scares me to my core.  Maybe I'm overreacting but I got a yikes, scary, he's really controlling vibe from him.  I guess we'll just see what happens with them....

As always my sweet Vicki captured my attention which required a little pen on paper time.

Vicki never disappoints.  That's my sweet workaholic muse's expression entering La Perla boutique where the other gals had starved themselves to look good in their lingerie. 

As for the rest of the gals.... Tamra and Simon's relationship makes me uncomfortable.  He snaps at her in a way the indicates he's had it.  Seems like they're trying to figure it out.  Slade seems really desperate to be on TV and Gretchen is a willing partner.  Not totally sure what to make of her but I will say she does have a bangin' bod.  Lynne is as confused as ever.  That's all for her.  Am I forgetting anyone else?  It's high turn-over on that show so I may have completely forgotten someone.  Here's hoping the next episode will be more interesting...........

OK, I'll be back to a more regular posting schedule.

All three drawings are ink on paper done in between 5 to 15 minutes.

Where have I gone?

I was going about my normal routine when I got hit with a curve ball.  Not literally a baseball but something out of the blue smacked me and disrupted my world.  So, I'm taking a bit of a time out.  I was in NYC for a while and now I'm in London.  It's my first visit to London town and it's such an amazing place.  Three words: Tate Modern Museum.  And one more word to describe that museum: Heaven! 

I'll return next week and when I do, I'll definitely be catching up on all the Real Housewives silliness.  In the meanwhile, I did a few drawings of the Wives before that curve ball hit me.  Here's Vicki skydiving....

 

Can you hear her trying to get the "Woo-Whoo" out?  Next we have Vicki in Italy talking about how she'd rather be shopping in a charm-free Orange County mega-mall called the South Coast Plaza than in the adorable and quaint Italian shops.  So worldly.

 

Lastly we have poor Lynne and her old face.  I don't mean old as in a wrinkled, leather mitt, but as in the face she had before she purchased her new one.

 

I actually didn't see a problem with Lynne's previous face.  What's so wrong with a few wrinkles anyway?

I'll be back soon.  Thanks to you readers who have stuck around.  XoXo!

Open Arms For Open Artists

A great organization called Open Artists asked me to create a poster and some promotional material for an event at The Avalon night club in Hollywood called Pop Goes The World. The show is tonight at 8pm.  Here's that poster.

 

From their website:

Over 300 students in Gay-Straight Alliance clubs will be among the more than 1,000 guests at the Avalon, in the heart of Hollywood, for the 2nd Annual Open Artists with Open Arms event “Pop Goes the World” on Wednesday, November 11. The event will benefit LifeWorks, a program of the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center that helps LGBTQ youth achieve their personal and professional goals through mentoring. It will also raise awareness of the Open Artist Movement, which unites openly gay artists with mainstream artists who support creative expression regardless of sexual orientation.

I made each of the caricatures separately so they could use as needed for promotion.  Here are a number of those individual illustrations with the promo info as added by Open Artists.

 

Brit Brit.

 

The lovely Rihanna.

 

The host, comedian Alec Mapa from Ugly Betty.

 

The glam Adam Lambert.

Buy tickets here!

One more Britney for the road.........

Happy late Halloween!

Oh hello again.  I didn't mean to fall off the face of the blog world as such, but these things occasionally happen.  Wanted to share some photos from my Halloween evening.  In the run up to that evening, I had planned on going as Kim Zolciak from The Real Housewives of Atlanta, but...... I don't know..... I figured no one would know who I was.  With a big blond wig and giant boobs people probably would have thought I was Dolly Parton, or just a sad unimaginative drag queen that didn't know any better.  So what to go as?  A good friend came down from Seattle to celebrate the blessed holiday and we wanted to go as the same thing.  Both of us definitely liked the idea of an easy costume yet it needed to be somewhat relevant.  Little Edie from Grey Gardens with her scarf covered head, black tights and turtleneck, ripped skirt exposing a girdle, and an "anything jacked up goes" sense of style seemed like a great fit.  Here's what we looked like...

 

I added a little privacy please soft focus.  That's my friend on the left and me on the right.  Gorgeous, right?

The Real Housewives of Atlanta. The Wig vs. The Moose.

Get your Kim on!

Thanks to everyone who sent me this clip from Style Network's The Dish.  I've been planning on going as Kim Zolciak for Halloween and ever so thoughtfully the empress of Chardonnay herself made the following "How To" video.....

I'll be taking all her cues, embellishing them just a bit, and hopefully I'll look as sexy as Kim.  :)

The added bonus of going as her is that I can carry around a bottle(s) of Chardonnay and that will be perfectly appropriate.  Anyone who has gone to the West Hollywood street festival/ extravaganza knows how impossible it is to grab a quick drink with the ridiculously long lines.  Going as Kim with wine in tow--- I've just fixed that dilemma.  Thanks Kim!

My 10 year old nephew and his mannequin Martinique. They're back!

Goodness gracious!  It has been an eternity since I've posted anything about my talented 10 year old nephew and his mannequin muse Martinique or Martini for short.  Creativity is something that can't be forced--- sometimes you just have to wait until inspiration strikes.  Well, my nephew's keen designing eye was certainly inspired when he saw some hidden potential in the following piece of floral fabric.

 

I tell ya, I just see a lot of flowers and leaves in a rather controlled color palette.  And you?  My nephew saw two fab designs which were hiding in that swirl of patterned foliage.  Just the other day, my phone made a new message alert beep and upon opening my email, I saw something from my nephew titled "Martinique fabric option 1", and my jaw hit the floor.  Just as I was replying how much I loved the look, hair, styling.... I got a second email titled, "Martinique fabric option 2", and I passed out from excitement.

 

Option 1 is on the left and Option 2 on the right.  One piece of fabric + my nephew = snap, snap, and a round of applause.  Remember, he's just 10.  The styling is absolutely perfect.  The short hair with the long dress is spot on for an afternoon of leisurely lunching and shopping in St Tropez whereas the long hair/ short dress is ideal for a sizzling evening on the town in Miami with gal pals.  Fun, fun!  Both looks are so runway-ready that I had to add a little photoshop fun.

 

Flawless.  Stunning.  Martinique!

 

Flirty.  Dazzling.  Martini!  Are you all ready to place your orders?

Well done my super talented nephew!  Thanks for the photos. 

I've received some other truly inspired photos of Martinique recently and will be sharing those soon.

In case you've stumbled across this site and wondering what's this all about--- just click here and read all the past entries.  Certainly you'll become a fan of nephew's work too.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta. "If that moose walked in this building....

..... you could go ahead and forget it.  It would be all hell breaking loose.  It's just her negative energy."  We can thank Kim Zolciak for that eloquent quote about her former friend NeNe.  It seems somewhat fitting after NeNe referred to Kim as a "low down dirty monkey with a wig on."  That still brings a smile to my face.  So whether NeNe is a mean moose or not, I couldn't resist depicting her as such.

 

Love for Lady GaGa!

The more I see and hear from Lady GaGa, the more I enjoy and appreciate her.  She's innovative, entertaining, a great performer, and the girl can really sing.  Did you see her on Saturday Night Live?  It was a reminder that female pop singers should actually be able to not only dance and put on a killer show but should also sound good live.  And she really did.

I was reading up on the National Equality March in Washington D.C. yesterday and was pleased to see that Lady GaGa gave quite a stirring address to the crowd.  Her "Obama, I know you're listening.....  ARE YOU LISTENING?!" line was well received and memorable.  President Obama set that up beautifully for her when at the 13th annual Human Rights Campaign dinner said, "It is a privilege to be here and open for Lady GaGa."  A round of applause for both of them.  That man can give a speech by the way.  If you haven't seen it yet, click here.  I had to watch it twice as I was teared up the first time.  What can I say, he spoke right to my heart.

Here's GaGa addressing the crowd:

I think she's a great ally and a great artist. Well done.

Video found on Towleroad.

The Stunning Gowns continue.......

My sweet reader Liz in Calgary sent me the following photo of a GORGEOUS cerulean blue wedding gown she saw in a bridal shop window while on the way to the gym. 

Oh my satin God!  Lean in close and take a good look at the bridesmaid dress on the left with its zebra-striped cummerbund and the flirty jeweled neckline of the one of the right.  STUNNING!  ???  Remembering my recent postings about non-white wedding dresses, Liz thoughtfully snapped the above photo of that 30% off heirloom-quality gown and sent it my way.  Love it!  

In Liz's own words:  Upon downloading the photo, I was impressed at how the snowfall (our first of the season) contributed to the piece... Sparkles beget sparkles!  

Well said Liz and I definitely think the snow (nature's glitter) adds to the overall pazzaz of the picture.

Thanks for the photo!!!!  XoXo

The Real Housewives of Atlanta. High heels and hot toddies.

As much as I'd like to try and deny it--- I'm coming down with a cold.  The denial part makes it seems like the sniffles, cough, and sore throat somehow are unrelated and thereafter I'm not really ill, just experiencing a little momentary cloudiness which will lift at any given moment.  It probably is related to a booze soaked weekend spent with friends in West Hollywood.  A messy yet fun time was had.  Last Saturday we were all out at some crowded dance club and I had the big idea to request "Don't Be Tardy For The Party."  Blame the booze.  I stumbled off the dance floor, made my way for the deejay booth, and searched for a door, window, slot--- any place I could put in my request.  Seeing nothing but an impenetrable fortress of glass, I pulled out my iPhone, typed in the notes section:  "Please, please play "Don't Be Tardy For The Party", and pressed my phone up against the glass while waving my other hand.  He leaned in, squinted, read my message, and then gave me the most "you've got to be f*cking kidding" look possible and quickly turned away.  I tried Kim, I tried.

So...... I'm no doctor but I did prescribe a little hair of the dog remedy tonight.  A hot toddy.  Make that two and counting.  Just a quick recipe: quarter cup hot water, tablespoon of honey, juice of one whole lemon, a dozen cloves--- cover and let steep for about five minutes.  Add a lot of whiskey and there you go.  Heaven in a cup!  I don't know if it actually works but my mood is pretty great right now, so...... on to the show.

 

The Real Housewives of NYC. Kelly Bensimon in Miami.

My reader Renee just sent me a link to photos of the newest and quite possibly the nuttiest NYC Housewife Kelly splashing around on a Miami beach.  Click on that link to see lots and lots and lots more pix. 

Does she look good?  Actually, I think she does.  Does she have a man-ish quality?  Well......  Is she coked up out of her mind?  Could be.  The photo does leave me wanting something else.  Hmmm.... what could that be?  (Her hot friend Max would be nice.) What could make that picture better?

 

There it is!  When in doubt, add a little Ramona Singer.  She adds just the right on amount of crazy spice to any situation.  God I miss Ramona!

Thanks Renee for the link!

Calling all iPhone gays!

My blog buddy Jason at Doodle Whore has launched his own app!  He's a very talented illustrator and was so excited to see him branch out into this area.  Chances are you've seen his published work as he's been in tons of magazines.  I quickly and easily downloaded his app (for free) and have already sent my guy several e-cards.  That free version comes with a great variety of occasions to choose from and for a mere $3.99 you can upgrade to a wider array of themes and e-card options.  Highly recommend you pop over to his site and download the app for yourself. Happy app-ing!

Pretty Links

My French language abilities may be limited, however I am fluent in penis art.  Tetu

I may be a bit on the fence with Glee, but I'm fully committed to the Glee Club teacher.  Click on the following link and your interest may be renewed.  Kenneth In The 212

I won't be going in the ocean anytime soon.  Oh La La Mag

(252): He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.  Love this site!  Texts From Last Night

Papi madness!  David Dust

The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Is Kim a low down dirty monkey with a wig on?

Well, according to NeNe she is.  NeNe definitely seems so full of herself this season that she's about to burst but that said--- she does say some funny stuff and that monkey comment goes down as one of my favorites.  It's such a vivid description... how could I not draw that?

Flipping Out. Jeff Lewis and his lips.

Right now I'm supposed to be completing some illustrations for a poster promoting what will certainly be a very fun upcoming event in Hollywood mid next month.  I'll share the poster and info about that evening somewhere in the next two weeks.  I'm taking a few minutes off from that project though to do this posting because I'm a giver.  So.... as I've been illustrating my fingers to the bone--- a marathon of Bravo's  Flipping Out has been playing in the background.  My guy and my oldest sister like that show quite a bit and I've watched an episode or two but it's never quite grabbed me.  Sure Jeff Lewis's enormously inflated lips are dazzling to behold and I love his maid Zoila but...... I'm afraid this program is a no for me.  In my opinion, reality TV shows are like songs--- either you're hooked and want more or you change the dial.  About a half an hour ago, I couldn't listen to one more minute of Flipping Out so I grabbed my remote as Jeff was mid-bitch during a confessional scene.  I hit pause and this is what I saw.....

I couldn't not draw that.  His lips are magical as is his head of hair.  His eyebrows are kind of magical too.  Oh hell..... does this mean I'll be doing more drawings from this show?!?!  Damn you Bravo!  You're the drug I just can't quit. 

OK, back to my poster.

Drawing of Jeff done with ink on 9" x 12" hot pressed watercolor paper.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I'm going to stop talkin' to you right now before I get blowin' up on your ass!

Above is Kandi delivering the best line of the night which I used in the title of this posting.  I'm totally on team Kandi by the way.